[boatbums]

Thought we could use a chuckle.

[West Texas Chuck]

‘K, I’m stealing a bunch of those.

[The Cajun]

Thems are good’ens sure nuff :^)

[Colorado Cowgirl]

There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.
It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!
Backards and forards means I know everything about you.
Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite pastime known as goin Wal-Martin’ or off to Wally World.
We don’t need no dang Driver’s Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive.
Thanks for the chuckle.

[Vinnie]

40 Things a Southerner will never say...

40. Oh I just couldn’t. Hell, she’s only sixteen.
39. I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won’t fix that.
37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
36. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken.
35. We don’t keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can’t feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it’s just not safe.
30. Wrasslin’s fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We’re vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I’ll have grapefruit & grapes instead of biscuits & gravy.
25. Honey, we don’ t need another dog.
24. Who’s Richard Petty?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn’t find a thing at Walmart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I’ll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
15. I’ve got it all on the C drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your salmon poached or broiled?
12. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany’s.
11. I’ve got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
9. Checkmate.
8. She’s too young to be wearing a bikini.
7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
6. Here’s an episode of “Hee Haw” that we haven’t seen.
5. I don’t have a favorite college team.
4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
3. I believe you cooked those soup beans too long.
2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
1. Nope, no more for me. I’m drivin tonight.

[Quiller]

- The most common last words heard in the South: "Y'all watch this," or "Don't worry, I seen this done before."

- Anther thing you won't hear in the South: "We need to get that old car to the junk yard 'cause I'm tired of mowing around it."

[Jemian]

LOL!

He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated ...
FYI, no southerner would say this. "Y'all" is plural pronoun. A southerner would, when speaking to one person, say "you."

[catfish1957]

How many yankees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Nevemind, they all are in the dark anyway.

[MissEdie]

You forgot about SC!!

Back-to-back for the Garnet & Black!!

[mikeus_maximus]

This has nothing to do with the South:

The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"

Bubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?"

This has to do with some idiot from another part of the company who falls for Hollywood stereotypes of the South, thinks they can fake an authentic southern accent, and is oblivious to the fact that "y'all" is a contraction of "you all"-- plural, never singular.

[HANG THE EXPENSE]

I love those and how true it is that you never hear of anyone retiring to the north.

[Hotmetal]

A Yankee lawyer went duck hunting in north Mississippi. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly gentleman asked him what he was doing. The lawyer responded, “I shot a duck and it fell in this field, I'm going into retrieve it.”
The old farmer replied. “This is my property, and you are not coming over here.” The indignant lawyer said, “I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything! The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently, you don't know how we do things here in Mississippi. We settle small disagreements like this with the MS Three-Kick Rule.”
The lawyer asked, “What is the MS three-Kick Rule?” The Farmer replied. “Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up.” The Yankee attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old southerner. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the Yankee lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.
The Yankee lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, “Okay, you old redneck southerner, now it's my turn.”
The old Mississippi farmer smiled and said, “Naw, I give up. You can have the duck.”

[CodeToad]

A man runs into the hunting camp all excited. He asks if Bill & Ted made it back.

“Yep.”
“How about Fred and his sons?”
“Ah, sure did. Few hours ago.”
“What about Melba and her husband, John?”
“Sure thing. They’re right over there.”
“Hot Damn!”, exclaimed the hunter, “I think I shot me a deer!”

[tx_eggman]

Two University of Georgia students were walking next to the football field when they spied the Georgia Bulldog mascot, Uga licking his privates.

The first one turned to the other and said "don't you wish you could do that?"

The other one replied "oh, I wouldn't dare ... that dog would bite me."