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40 Things a Southerner will never say...

40. Oh I just couldn’t. Hell, she’s only sixteen.
39. I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won’t fix that.
37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
36. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken.
35. We don’t keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can’t feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it’s just not safe.
30. Wrasslin’s fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We’re vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I’ll have grapefruit & grapes instead of biscuits & gravy.
25. Honey, we don’ t need another dog.
24. Who’s Richard Petty?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn’t find a thing at Walmart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I’ll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
15. I’ve got it all on the C drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your salmon poached or broiled?
12. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany’s.
11. I’ve got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
9. Checkmate.
8. She’s too young to be wearing a bikini.
7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
6. Here’s an episode of “Hee Haw” that we haven’t seen.
5. I don’t have a favorite college team.
4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
3. I believe you cooked those soup beans too long.
2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
1. Nope, no more for me. I’m drivin tonight.

Thank ya’ll for a good laugh.

lol!

I still get a chuckle at Jeff Foxworthy when he recounts the time he was visiting the in-laws in Louisiana and he walked into the kitchen and his father-in-law was standing in front of a pot on the stove with the lid in one hand and a wooden spoon in the other jabbing at something in the pot saying, "Git back in there, GIT!"

Hits a little too close to home... too funny.

OK....I will bite...things I actually do say from the list:

40. I'll take Shakespeare....I love the Bard..always have

36. ...I'll take a Heineken...(wifey..from Charleston SC..pedigreed)

34....no sideburns here in Music City as a rule except on Hipster meterosexuals often from up North

32......Graceland is indeed VERY TACKY..Good God.

31....kids in back of pickup...my wife admonishes me all the time...but I let them do it when we are out more rural by the house

30...Wrasslin is fake...but still hurts...see the Mickey Rourke movie

27...my wife would tell me about my weight were it crazy

20...Wifey never goes to Wal Mart or Dollar General...I do

19....I detest beef fat..it's rancid...pork fat on the other hand is near trinity food wise

16...I like fancy lettuce but do like a chilled iceberg wedge with blue cheese and bacon bits..

15...everyone does computers now under age 90..anywhere

13...my son loves Salmon and Trout...broiled..i like Flounder and Pompano...Gulf boy

12...I know folks registered at Tiffanys...a waste..hype for the Blue Box..most gals opt for Pottery Barn, Restoration or one of the big dept stores...or Corzine for Belle Meade folks

9) I play chess...but I'd rather freep when I have spare time

4) I always get salad dressing on the side except for the wedge aforementioned

2) I have two daughters...having them change clothes for the appearance of chaste is as common here as in Utah...look at MTV in New York metro for more trashy women..southern women are not trashy unless drunk or at the lower rungs...and then not all of them...Southern women and some higher end South American women are about as good as it gets...and yes..I actually have been everywhere

1)I don't drink but I enjoy when my wife does and table dances on Lower Broad.