(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)

[Lucky9teen]

We got yo money.
Gonna borrow mo money.
Gonna spend yo money.
Gonna print mo money.

*Pythagorean theorem: 24 words.
 

*The Lord's prayer: 66 words.
 

*Archimedes' Principle: 67 words.
 

*The 10 Commandments: 179 words.
 

*The Gettysburg address: 286 words.
 

*The Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words.
 

*U.S. Government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words.
 

 

...and that says it all.

Government Efficiency

I went into the Department of Motor Vehicles to obtain the title and license plates for my new truck.

After spending five minutes typing all my personal information into a computer, the DMV clerk pulled out a huge book to look up the excise tax for the vehicle. I mentioned that, since she had a networked computer, it would seem more efficient to just enter the information in the computer and have it look up the tax rather than create, print, and distribute such a large book.

She looked at me in that serious, governmental clerk manner and said, "They can't do that. The information changes too quickly."

Rules Of Washington D.C

- If it's worth fighting for, it's worth fighting dirty for.

- Don't lie, cheat or steal...unnecessarily.

- There is always one more son of a gun than you counted on.

- An honest answer can get you into a lot of trouble.

- The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

- Chicken little only has to be right once.

- "NO" is only an interim response.

- You can't kill a bad idea.

- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you ever tried.

- The truth is a variable.

- A porcupine with his quills down in just another fat rodent.

- You can agree with any concept or notional future option, in principle, but fight implementation every step of the way.

- A promise is not a guarantee.

- If you can't counter the argument, leave the meeting.

Very Taxing

A little boy wanted $100, badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to President Obama. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. President Obama thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord. It said:

Dear Lord, Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as usual, those jerks deducted $95.

The Democratic Party

A small boy was asked by his teacher, "What is the size of the Democratic Party?"

"About 5 feet 2 inches," he replied promptly.

"NO!" exploded the teacher..."I mean, how MANY members does it have? How did you get 5 feet 2 inches?"

"Well", replied the boy, "my father is 6 feet tall & every night he puts his hands to his chin and says 'I've had it up to HERE with the Democratic Party!'"

[existentialist]

Bet you can’t watch this just once......

http://dotcomjoe.com/clips/spot_look_for_love.wmv
_____

Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream
‘racism’ these days.

A customer asked, “In what aisle could I find the
Polish sausage?”

The clerk asks, “Are you Polish?”

The guy,clearly offended, says, “Yes I am. But let me ask you something.

If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?

Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was
German?

Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was
Jewish?

Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?

Or if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?”

The clerk says, “No, I probably wouldn’t.”

The guy says, “Well then, because I asked for Polish sausage, why did you
ask me if I’m Polish?”

The clerk replied, “Because you’re in a Home Depot store”.
_____

A man goes to his doctor and tells him that his wife hasn’t wanted to
have sex with him for the past 7 months. The doctor tells the man to
bring his wife in so he can talk to her.

So the wife comes into the doctors office and the doctor asks her
what’s wrong and why doesn’t she want to have sex with her husband anymore.

The wife tells him, “For the last 7 months, every morning I take a cab
to work. I don’t have any money so the cab driver asks me, ‘So are you
going to pay today or what?’ “So I take a ‘or what’.

“When I get to work, I’m late so the boss asks me, ‘So are we going to
dock your salary, or what?’ “So I take a ‘or what’.

Back home again I take the cab and again I don’t have any money so the
cab driver asks me again, ‘So are you going to pay this time or what?’
“So again I take a ‘or what’. So you see doctor, when I get home I’m
all tired out, and I don’t want sex any more.”

The doctor thinks for a second and then turns to the wife and says, “So
are we going to tell your husband or what?”

[existentialist]

[gimme1ibertee]

LOL!!! Thanks for the wallpaper! :)

[Squidpup]

That was fantastic wasn’t it?

[SERKIT]

A man goes to the doctor. The doctor says, "Sir, you really need to stop masturbating."

The man says "But Doc! Why.....why.....WHY?????"

The doctor says, "Because I am trying to examine you."

[Big Giant Head]

"How To Keep Your Volkswagen Alive - A Manual Of Step By Step Procedures For The Compleat Idiot"

Oh, dude! THAT was my car bible for several years of my life. I owned 4 different bugs. My brother and I disassembled and rebuilt an engine down to the main bearings. I oughta still own one, just for fun.

[Unruly Human]

Thanks for doing this every week. It is REALLY appreciated and I look forward to it as soon as I get out of bed every Friday.

Thanks again.