(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)

[Lucky9teen]

We got yo money.
Gonna borrow mo money.
Gonna spend yo money.
Gonna print mo money.

*Pythagorean theorem: 24 words.
 

*The Lord's prayer: 66 words.
 

*Archimedes' Principle: 67 words.
 

*The 10 Commandments: 179 words.
 

*The Gettysburg address: 286 words.
 

*The Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words.
 

*U.S. Government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words.
 

 

...and that says it all.

Government Efficiency

I went into the Department of Motor Vehicles to obtain the title and license plates for my new truck.

After spending five minutes typing all my personal information into a computer, the DMV clerk pulled out a huge book to look up the excise tax for the vehicle. I mentioned that, since she had a networked computer, it would seem more efficient to just enter the information in the computer and have it look up the tax rather than create, print, and distribute such a large book.

She looked at me in that serious, governmental clerk manner and said, "They can't do that. The information changes too quickly."

Rules Of Washington D.C

- If it's worth fighting for, it's worth fighting dirty for.

- Don't lie, cheat or steal...unnecessarily.

- There is always one more son of a gun than you counted on.

- An honest answer can get you into a lot of trouble.

- The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

- Chicken little only has to be right once.

- "NO" is only an interim response.

- You can't kill a bad idea.

- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you ever tried.

- The truth is a variable.

- A porcupine with his quills down in just another fat rodent.

- You can agree with any concept or notional future option, in principle, but fight implementation every step of the way.

- A promise is not a guarantee.

- If you can't counter the argument, leave the meeting.

Very Taxing

A little boy wanted $100, badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to President Obama. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. President Obama thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord. It said:

Dear Lord, Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as usual, those jerks deducted $95.

The Democratic Party

A small boy was asked by his teacher, "What is the size of the Democratic Party?"

"About 5 feet 2 inches," he replied promptly.

"NO!" exploded the teacher..."I mean, how MANY members does it have? How did you get 5 feet 2 inches?"

"Well", replied the boy, "my father is 6 feet tall & every night he puts his hands to his chin and says 'I've had it up to HERE with the Democratic Party!'"

[Monkey Face]

That was wierd!!!

[Scythian]

[CSM]

Yay....Party time.

[N. Theknow]

Q: WHY WERE ALL HURRICANES NAMED AFTER WOMEN?

A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet, and when they go, they take your house and car with them.

[r-q-tek86]

[martin_fierro]

[IYAS9YAS]

Nice "bug" we also have a '73 vw bus sitting on a Chev Blazer chassis with a 4.3L in the center....we call it the "Beast"

Well, at least it will be able to get out of its own way. Last time I was behind a VW bus, I swear we were going backwards.

[IYAS9YAS]

Problem is 2 years later, when I am looking for something in the garage, I find a bag with a bunch of things labeled “spare parts.”

Well, ya see, there's yer problem. If you just take them out of the bag and throw them in a bin, or a drawer, they are no longer spare parts, they are inventory for future projects.

[EQAndyBuzz]

“Probably mixed in with the extra VW parts........”

At least it will be labeled.

[clove]

This thing tows "Herbie" on a tandem trailer going t0 down the highway with AC running inside...nice ride. I love to drive it and we get many strange looks.

>

[clove]

correction - going 70 down the highway....It’s Friday..can’t type LOL!

[IYAS9YAS]

That really is nice work. Is that a full-size Blazer frame, or one of the smaller variants? So, the bump under the middle is the oil pan? Wow, lots of fabrication there.

I just sold a 56 Willys Wagon that I had one day hoped to mount on a full size Blazer frame (surprisingly a good fit). But, reality sunk in, and I sold it to a guy who has more time and money to complete projects.

[DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis]

ROFL

[r-q-tek86]

Dear Alcohol,

First & foremost, let me tell you that I’m a huge fan of yours. My friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you’re even around in the holiday’s hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we’re stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I’ve been wondering about your intentions.

While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls:
While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating:
Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips(washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries) I’m an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness:
Unless you’re subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It’s completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore:
The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening’s debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You’ve been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don’t know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.

In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,

Your biggest fan

[r-q-tek86]

DUI Stop

[red-dawg]

SEAGULL SILLINESS !!!

[ZirconEncrustedTweezers]

Nice, but too new and too clean to serve as a parts donor for a Formula Vee... :)

[Darksheare]

The webels from Ice Planet Hoff shooting at Wampa Cat?

[TheOldLady]

SAVE  FREEPER  UPCHUCK!
BECOME  A  MONTHLY  DONOR!
*
Boop His Cute Little Nose!

*FReeper  Upchuck

[Fawn]

That cat gif is a riot!