"Single people wish they were married. Married people wish they were dead". ---Benny Hill
Posted on 06/17/2011 7:45:25 PM PDT by chasio649
We have moved far past the time when an unmarried woman over 35 was branded an "old maid" or when unmarried men were "swinging bachelors," but after seeing the disaster of the marriage between Huma Abedin and Congressman Anthony Weiner, one does have to wonder if the old adage about men over 40 who have never been married is true. Is it a dating red flag?
There is something to be said for marriage. Being in a marriage, whether it ends or stays together, usually means you have some experience with compromise, the ability to love and be loved, and some familiarity with the concept of sharing. "Never-marrieds" on the other hand? Who knows why they're unmarried?
In asking around, it seems the cutoff age between it being cool and it being a red flag is roughly 35 for men and 40 for women.
Of course, nothing is sure-fire and there are as many extenuating circumstances as there are marriages on Earth. But it's a good rule of thumb, when dating, to recognize that a person who has reached a certain age and never had a relationship last longer than a couple months is probably harboring some issues.
Marriage? Maybe not. Maybe they don't want to get married or just don't play musical chairs all that well. There are reasons they may not have walked down the aisle, though in Weiner's case, it probably WAS a red flag. Still, most men over 40 who have had at least one or two long-term relationships that haven't worked out are still marriage material, but those who haven't even had a girlfriend? It's a problem.
We learn something with every relationship we're in. No one would argue that the older you get, the harder it is to compromise. It is. So if you marry young and you compromise together, you get used to that. Someone who has made it to 40 without having to make those compromises and learn and grow with someone would likely be much more rigid in their thinking.
Women over 30 complain all the time that there are few good guys without baggage who are over 30 out there. And it's likely true. There are some good men who stay single, but coupling off whether by marriage or just a long-term relationship is kind of the "norm." So stepping outside of that does make you a bit of a freak.
That said, it isn't fair to not give a guy a chance because of some arbitrary cutoff. There is always the exception to every "rule," right?
Do you think a man or woman over 40 who has never been married is a freak?
Well, he met her the same way he met Ginger Lee. As well, she's a muslim so her place in the household is to support the lifestyle of the man - period.
He's going to do plenty of "damage" this weekend since she's been away for quite a while . . . . It's not like he had anything more than digital relationships with these women anyway. I'm sure she's happy about that.
“I know several women who got married at “old maid” ages.”
Yes, my esteemed Godmother, a very conservative woman didn’t get married until she was quite old. At least by the standards of her generation. She must have been at least 40.
I sort of remember my mom saying something about her very strict Italian parents thinking that no one was ever “good enough” for her, and I think she did not get married until both her parents had died.
I could be wrong about that, but everyone WAS surprised when she did get married.
And, insofar as I know, she married a man of at least her age, if not older, and he had never been married either.
And, also insofar as I know, they’ve been happily married for all this time, decades anyway.
I don’t like the idea that being divorced somehow is a good qualifier for marriage.
You really have to judge people as individuals.
Anthony Weiner is not the first jerk man who ever came down the road.
No alimony. No child support for worthless slacker kids. No heartbreak. The home I always wanted, paid for, and this "slavery" that is housework, well, I do my own joyfully and very adequately, thanks. Yeah, I'm a freak all right.
All these posts are very entertaining to read. I haven’t seen one of these type threads on FR in awhile. Seems like you used to see them more often. I think alot of guys who have a tweener income (not poor but not enough money to attract the golddigger gals) might have a little more trouble in the dating environment. Personally I have virtually no clue where i’d go to meet anyone. I focus more on reading and trying to stay in decent health.
I guess I’m another freak here too...40, never married, would love to meet the right person, but I live in NYC, I’m probably overeducated, and I’m not the kind of skank who is going to jump into bed with some random doofus I just met. Hence, I haven’t dated in over a year because the last few first dates I went on ended with me telling a guy where he could go, and it wasn’t upstairs with me.
And I’m responding to Betis70 because I wanted to say congrats to a Bruins fan from an Islanders fan (being an Islanders fan is almsot a rougher gig than being single in NYC...almost)
Hey, you look like my third husband!
How many times have you been married?
Two...
I used to post these kinds of threads all the time...it’s been a while though...i have gained quite a bit of insight to relationships, marriage and whatnot...it’s cool to see Freeper’s perspective.
Yeah this was definitely written by a femnazi
Men it might take until their mid to late 30s to establish their careers (and in the process maybe move a lot more and work lots of overtime).
Meanwhile with women, men go for attractiveness and if no man wanted to marry them when they were young and pretty, well...................
I'll just put my asbestos suit and leave it at that
Yeah...my range would be 35 for men and 32 for women...this is coming from a guy that was hounded by family , friends and all by asking “when i was going to get married”...i think it usually starts a little earlier for women....the kid thing and all.
I got married last year at 42, my wife was 39. First marriage for both of us. I never knew just how happy I could be until I met her. The big problem is the clock is ticking and my wife wants a baby. NOW. I’m sorry, but we’re just going to leave that up to God, if he decides to bless us. No matter what it was right for me to wait. I could have been married 10 years ago. But that woman turned out to be nuts and I’m sure we would have divorced.
I’m over 40 and never married.
I’m no freak. Try finding a nice girl with traditional values, who hasn’t had relations with the entire fifth fleet, who is interested in starting a family.
I know any number of good men over 40 who are unmarried. All have good jobs, good values and they can not find a good woman.
Actually by today’s norms, -I- am the freak. Got married right after getting my BS degree from college at 22. Almost 30 years later, it just keeps getting better. Like they say - life begins when the kids move out & the dog dies (although the latter was quite sad :).
I’m over 40 and never married.
I’m no freak. Try finding a nice girl with traditional values, who hasn’t had relations with the entire fifth fleet, who is interested in starting a family.
I know any number of good men over 40 who are unmarried. All have good jobs, good values and they can not find a good woman.
Ahhh...you remind me of the good ole days when i used to post the foreign bride threads...now that’s some fireworks! :P
But that woman turned out to be nuts and I’m sure we would have divorced.
That is quite a shackle to place on children. Suppose John Smith and Sarah Jones get married. Sarah becomes Sarah Jones Smith. They have a child, Sally Jones Smith.
Sally grows up and marries a man who's mother went hyphenated. The man's name is Hector Washington Hereford.
So...they have a child named James. And his name would be James Jones Smith Washington Hereford? nice going.
I am 42 years old and have never been married. Been engaged 3 times over a 20 year period. THREE TIMES. All of them, as soon as I gave them the ring, moved on to another guy. All three of them approached me to date, and all three talked about marriage without any prodding from me. Go figure.
After all that, two years ago I found a woman who was eight years older, conservative, officer in the local GOP. She pursued me too. I could not have loved a woman more. Got a promotion to a supervisor and decided she was now high society. Went running back to her ex who she’d divorced years earlier and who she’d turned down flat on getting back together just before we dated.
Told me to get out of her life, never speak to her again, and she regretted dating me. They fell thru and a month later she was back and all but demanded we get together, then went right back to her ex after I basically told her to go to hell.
I can’t tell you how many of my buddies have been thru crap like that. So many people get jerked around they just get their fill. I don’t care if I ever date again.
I don’t have a reply to your post....crap!...you dodged a bullet is all i can say.
"Single people wish they were married. Married people wish they were dead". ---Benny Hill
I knew a guy who had a wife like that. I remember a time he had to call his wife for permission to buy something out of the vending machine. She had him working 12hr/day 7 days per week, and he never saw a dime of it. Eventually he found her cheating on him and he divorced her. It seemed like about 80% of the guys I worked with who were married in their early 20's ended up getting divorced within 10 years or less. Alot of them wanted to go to the bars every night, while I was single and I had no interest in adopting that kind of lifestyle.
You think I’d be sad. Actually I’m pissed. Pissed because I have met some amazing women and should be married - but I met them when I was too messed up from the jerk, a-hole psychos I dated. THAT is the worst part.
Now when I meet someone I just don’t trust what I see. Been fooled one time too many. If you don’t want me, fine. Why do you have to screw up my life? Just walk the hell away. But they just got to stick in that knife.
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