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Day Three of May 21 Apocalypse Disasters, Area Retailers to Sell Rapture Kits
benningtonvalepress ^

Posted on 05/13/2011 7:02:40 PM PDT by traumer

SAN NARCISO, Calif. -- The plagues of the End Times have shown no signs of relenting since Wednesday. This morning, a new series of Judgment Day horrors swept the world, affecting the United States, China, Spain, and Pakistan. Family Stations’ doom prophet, Harold Camping, called the developments “awesome news!”

He also went on to say, “Judgment Day is feared by the world and is the day that God will destroy the world because of the sins of mankind. There’s no greater expression of the Lord’s undying love than tearing apart billions of men, women, and children through a series of excruciating terrors, drawn out over a five-month period of ongoing torture. As warrior angels descend from the heavens to feast on the entrails of your babies, take comfort in knowing that after their bones have been picked clean, and their screams of anguish have turned to gurgles of blood and despair, a better life awaits them.”

To help mitigate some of the impact, Bennington Vale retailers have today begun selling Rapture Kits across San Narciso County.

Friday’s Wrath of God Friday was particularly eventful in terms of death and destruction, according to Family Stations representatives.

“It’s exciting to see how each day gets progressively worse,” one spokesperson told reporters. “Google couldn’t even get Blogger working for two days. Obviously, God’s beginning to bring down the blasphemous media to clear the airwaves for Harold Camping’s instruction.”

Friday’s recipients of the Lord’s lovingly vengeful affection span four countries.

(Excerpt) Read more at benningtonvalepress.com ...


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Religion; Society
KEYWORDS: fakearticle; humor; satire
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To: traumer
mass hysteria
21 posted on 05/13/2011 8:27:43 PM PDT by Donald Rumsfeld Fan ("Science is the belief in the ignorance of experts." Richard Feynman father of Quantum Physics)
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To: traumer

Bumper sticker seen recently:
“After the Rapture, can I have your car?”


22 posted on 05/13/2011 8:57:46 PM PDT by RedStateRocker (Nuke Mecca, Deport all illegals, abolish the IRS, DEA and ATF.)
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To: traumer

Pick a year for the end of the world!

http://web.me.com/lorenmadsen/endings/pick_a_year.html?from_rss


23 posted on 05/13/2011 8:59:03 PM PDT by RedStateRocker (Nuke Mecca, Deport all illegals, abolish the IRS, DEA and ATF.)
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To: traumer

ONLY GOD KNOWS... Per Jesus Christ....

So anyone that says is wrong...

Since God only knows. That means it happens when people least expect it. So no need to worry about the end of the World on Dec 21, 2012...

If anything on Dec 21, 2012, then it will be a poll shift. That will be really cool if we can go from the 3rd Dimension to the 5th.

For anyone not understanding the 10 dimensions. Here is a little science for you. Please watch the following video. I had to watch it about 20 times before I could finally get all the dimensions.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uY_ZgAvXsuw


24 posted on 05/13/2011 9:18:01 PM PDT by Sprite518
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