Posted on 02/26/2011 1:38:34 PM PST by Squawk 8888
Im not the wiener peeler, Im the wiener peelers son, And Im only peeling wieners, Til the wiener peeler comes.
I apologize to pheasant pluckers sons everywhere for stealing their tongue-twister.
But who can resist when my Internet fairy, Irene, drops this job ad on my desk? Get out your resume, she purrs.
I pause in processing Moonlight Lady submissions, and take a boo.
Full-time Wiener Peeler, says the ad.
Wazzat? I ask. A red-hot stripper?
No. As in weenie. Its got you written all over it, says Irene, and she flutters off.
Well, Im getting sick of grinding out daily columns like hamburger. So I read on.
Opportunity. Excitement. Teamwork. Respect.
At Maple Leaf Foods we are committed to attracting, rewarding and retaining talented people who are passionate about making a positive impact in their professional and personal lives every day.
A noble mission. What better way to pursue it than as a bona fide full-time professional wiener peeler. The opening is at Maple Leafs hotdog plant in Hamilton.
Imagine the awe when you tell fellow partiers your occupation.
Picture the lineup of schools recruiting for career days.
The teachers may giggle, but the kids will scream for free samples.
Youre on Price Is Right and Drew Carey says, What dya do for a living up in Canada, Mikey?
I peel wieners, Drew.
Good for you. Wiener peeler. Hmmm. reminds me, folks, get your pets spayed or neutered.
Anyway, I check around and find yet another job opening at Maple Leaf. Wiener stuffer. Hit it ...
Im not the wiener stuffer
Im the wiener stuffers son
Im only stuffing ...
(Ed. note: Stop that, you hotdogger, or well make you pose for a picture like Gilles Duceppe in the silly hairnet.)
NO! Not that! Ill do anything, boss.
The photo of Duceppe in a cheese factory was a body blow to the Bloc. He looked like a weenie. Un chien chaud. Un hotdog.
I wonder. How do wiener peelers and stuffers look? All dressed?
I call Linda Smith at Maple Leaf Foods and ask: What company wit came up with those job titles?
Theyre in the union contract, she says. Theyre really a kind of food-processing operator.
So machines do the actual stuffing and peeling. Thank God. I cant imagine sitting there all day, fingers numb, going, hundred thousand and one weenies, hundred thousand and two weenies, hundred thousand and ...
The wiener stuffer fills the tubular collagen casings with hot dog sludge. Since you asked, the ooze typically comprises mechanically separated chicken, pork, beef, water, wheat gluten, salt, sodium phosphate, spice, dextrose, corn syrup solids, sodium erythorbate, garlic powder, onion powder, sodium nitrite and smoke.
If you need to ask what mechanically separated chicken is, dont.
Or go eat a veggie burger.
Once the dogs have been divided and smoked and solidified, the wiener peeler removes the casings.
The stuffer and peeler look like hazmat officials or Apollo astronauts.
They wear blue rubber and plastic head to toe, with hairnet, hardhats and mask. Plus earmuffs. Yes. All those dogs barking.
The hirings, says Smith, are to gear up for summer, when 60% of wieners are sold.
What a great job, eh?
I assume you get to take home any bent, twisted or otherwise defective wieners.
And youd be in the pantheon of careers with chicken sexer, pet food tester, bounty hunter, odor reader, fortune cookie writer, golf ball diver and newspaper hack.
Plus, youre wrapped in a soft, warm union. The Brotherhood of Bun Fillers (BBF), or whatever its called.
I can picture the negotiations:
We want a raise, a longer lunch, three weeks holiday, dental coverage and pension improvements.
But hold the mustard.
Hi. Is it bedtime yet?
Not yet. Lunch, tho. Kung Pao Chicken.
Very interesting. I loved the bedroom with the ship in it.
It’s raining here, and it’s Ash Wednesday, so we don’t get any Kung Pao Chicken. I’m going to make oatmeal.
I still have a couple of PIC12 processors and a programming board, but no Windows machine to interface to it or run the software. Project came to a screeching halt 8 years ago when we were bought by a company whose rule was, "Even if you do it at home, if it's work-related we own it." Happy to say that company disappeared in the second acquisition.
I've seen that and wondered about it, though.
Grrr. One misstatement in an email received this morning resulted in my throwing away all the work done so far today.
Oooo, lucky you. That’s gotta rank right up there with the power outage where you discover that the battery in your UPS is worthless, or the message unceremoniously sent by some software “Client has lost connection to the server and will shut down”; the typical choice is between clicking “OK” as if you agree that this is all cool, or staring at the dialog box for awhile longer.
Of course, all of that is better than “the good, old days,” when a disgruntled employee storming out of the server room could precipitate a hard drive crash by slamming the door.
We are going to be snowed in tonight!
http://www.weatheroffice.gc.ca/radar/index_e.html?id=XFT
Capybara.
Theyre BIG guinea pigs, about the size of a small dog.
Define small dog!
A Capybara averages about 140 lbs with the largest recorded at 232 lbs.
http://capybara.info/animal.html
LOL! I only have a half an acre you know.
Sion, is it still Monday?
Agreed HKMk23. The American Space Program IS something to be proud of. When Zero is gone, you can get back to the pursuit of greatness you Americans are so good at.
OTOH, Rush mentioned today that fully one third live on entitlements. That's going to have to come to a stop. There, and here. Everywhere actually.
Bob wrote:
Technically again, they both do, but with fryers you don't have to care if you have a lot of males. And they can live more or less communally, because they will have a very Hobbesian existence.
Laying hens, on the other hand, will require little apartments and other modest appurtenances. They will provide a regular rental payment in return in the form of fresh eggs.
You seem to know a lot about raising chickens.
I would need a coop no matter what, because the raccoons etc would decimate chickens in no time if they were not protected at night.
What I am wondering is:
If I bought chicks in the spring, would I get any eggs over the summer? Could I just, um, harvest them all in the late fall regardless of their gender, if I decided not to keep them over the winter?
No.
"Could I just, um, harvest them all in the late fall regardless of their gender, if I decided not to keep them over the winter?"
Yes.
Spring chickens, even the ones wearing food-color feathers, will grow enough (most of them - casualties may occur) to be harvested at harvest time.
I could describe this process, but it is akin to setting up a poultry-processing facility in your back yard.
For laying hens, the process is more genteel and civilized.
It's best to talk with someone nearby who may be raising chickens. You can find out who perhaps, at the feed store. They will be able to answer other questions as well, and may also have some of the materials you will need; feed bins, water pans, incubators, and so forth.
Books will provide a wealth of information.
How much meat will you be able to put in your freezer? And how quickly will you be able to work your way through it?
No sense raising more chickens than you can process, one way or another.
Another thing; keeping the chickens contained. You may want to let them move about and find some of their own food. This will require using fencing of various effectiveness. You may never be bothered by crickets again.
A small flock of chickens in a large yard will not try too diligently to escape, but they will still need to be penned up at night to avoid predation.
Small dog as in by size, not weight.
They only come up to about your knee.
Now I have to sign off and run to church. Imposition of Ashes and Holy Eucharist this evening.
By the way, if their neediness is an imposition, if their noise is annoying, and if their outright barbarity and cruelness to each other is an assault upon your sense of justice ...
... savor it.
Just wad up the emotion and toss it in a pile, to be resurrected one day.
You see, they may be an annoyance, but this is one annoyance you can do something about!
That adage about “if life hands you lemons, make lemonade” could not be more true than in dealing with chickens. If life hands you chickens, make chicken soup, and fried chicken, and ...
Well, you get the picture. At first, they will be endearingly cute. But then, they will become teenagers, wearing leather jackets and chains, smoking cigarettes and hanging out at the mall and in back alleys and ...
Er, I mean, they will become less endearing.
You may grow tired of them. Savor it.
Revenge is a dish best served ... in hundreds of different ways, all winter long.
A hen needs to be about twenty weeks old before she starts laying so you need to get hens that were hatched in January if you want eggs in May. Chickens need about 14 hours of daylight before they start producing eggs.
Could I just, um, harvest them all in the late fall regardless of their gender, if I decided not to keep them over the winter?
I would recommend it. Your hens lay the most in their first year. After that it is all down hill. You would want to keep and incubate some eggs to start the process next December.
Chicken cans beautifully. A quart will hold two leg quarters or one breast. Add a sauce and pressure can. When you want dinner just boil up some rice and open the can of chicken. (I suppose you could can the rice with the chicken as well but I never did that)
Chickens are mean nasty stupid poop machines who happen to taste divine. That is their only saving grace.
Ducks on the other hand have personality. I get a little sad over the ducks "as I sort out those who are largest in size, holding my pocket-handkerchief before my streaming eyes." Doesn't stop me. But I do feel some small twinge.
We have a suburban community of chickens along a bike trail 15 or so miles from here (I used to cycle-commute through it, last residence). Somewhere in the late 80s to mid 90s somebody left some chickens there. They’re still there, and going strong.
Good night all.
T4TP!! Love your kitteh pics.....
I’m happy to provide my fellow FReepers with early-morning kittehs.
We live out West, so your pics are among the earliest pings I get, and I like my early morning kittehs. Thanks again! :^)
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