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Actual squawks fron airline repair. Oldy but goodie.
2-6-11 | edcoil

Posted on 02/06/2011 8:13:51 AM PST by edcoil

Here are some actual maintenance complaints/problems, generally known as squawks, submitted over the years by Pilots to maintenance engineers. After attending to the squawks, maintenance crews are required to log the details of the action taken to solve the pilots' squawks. Problem - Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement. Solution - Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

Problem - Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. Solution - Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

Problem - No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid. Solution - No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

Problem - Something loose in cockpit. Solution - Something tightened in cockpit.

Problem - Dead bugs on windshield. Solution - Live bugs on backorder.

Problem - Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent. Solution - Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Problem - Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. Solution - Evidence removed.

Problem - DME volume unbelievably loud. Solution - Volume set to more believable level.

Problem - Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. Solution - That's what they are there for!

Problem - IFF inoperative. Solution - IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

Problem - Suspected crack in windscreen. Solution - Suspect you're right.

Problem - Number 3 engine missing. Solution - Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Problem - Aircraft handles funny. Solution - Aircraft warned to "Straighten up, Fly Right, and Be Serious."

Problem - Target radar hums. Solution - Reprogrammed target radar with words.

Problem - Mouse in cockpit. Solution - Cat installed. Defect: The autopilot doesn't. Action: IT DOES NOW.

Defect: Seat cushion in 13F smells rotten. Action: Fresh seat cushion on order.

Defect: Turn & slip indicator ball stuck in center during turns. Action: Congratulations. You just made your first coordinated turn!

Defect: Whining sound heard on engine shutdown. Action: Pilot removed from aircraft.

Defect: Pilot's clock inoperative. Action: Wound clock.

Defect: Autopilot tends to drop a wing when fuel imbalance reaches 500 pounds. Action: Flight manual limits maximum fuel imbalance to 300 pounds.

Defect: #2 ADF needle runs wild. Action: Caught and tamed #2 ADF needle.

Defect: Unfamiliar noise coming from #2 engine. Action: Engine run for four hours. Noise now familiar.

Defect: Noise coming from #2 engine. Sounds like man with little hammer. Action: Took little hammer away from man in #2 engine.

Defect: Whining noise coming from #2 engine compartment. Action: Returned little hammer to man in #2 engine.

Defect: Flight attendant cold at altitude. Action: Ground checks OK.

Defect: 3 roaches in cabin. Action: 1 roach killed, 1 wounded, 1 got away.

Defect: Weather radar went ape! Action: Opened radar, let out ape, cleaned up mess!


TOPICS: Humor; Travel
KEYWORDS: aerospace; gripes; vanity

1 posted on 02/06/2011 8:13:52 AM PST by edcoil
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To: edcoil

It’s an oldie alright, but it’s also a “living document”; about 1/3 of the items are new to me.


2 posted on 02/06/2011 8:17:54 AM PST by Squawk 8888 (Will work for chocolate)
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To: Squawk 8888
Same here. Hadn't seen some of those.

Defect: Turn & slip indicator ball stuck in center during turns. Action: Congratulations. You just made your first coordinated turn!

Good one. LOL!

3 posted on 02/06/2011 8:20:48 AM PST by FlingWingFlyer (ObamaCare funds 16,000 new tax collectors but no new doctors. Now that's what I call "green" jobs.)
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To: edcoil

ROFLMAO

Those are always good


4 posted on 02/06/2011 8:21:38 AM PST by AFreeBird
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To: edcoil

Brass in left aileron....solution....officers now ride in the aircraft....


5 posted on 02/06/2011 8:23:28 AM PST by Squantos (Be polite. Be professional. But have a plan to kill everyone you meet)
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To: edcoil

Thank you for some well-needed humour.


6 posted on 02/06/2011 8:31:50 AM PST by FourPeas
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To: edcoil

Problem: IFF won’t squawk. Solution: Gave IFF cracker.


7 posted on 02/06/2011 8:36:37 AM PST by ReverendJames (Only A Painter Or A Liberal Can Change Black To White)
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To: edcoil

The “R&R stick actuator” is always a good one...for an Article 15.


8 posted on 02/06/2011 8:42:55 AM PST by Hillarys Gate Cult
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To: edcoil

Where’s my favorite? Problem: Tread on tires almost worn out. Solution: Almost replaced tires.


9 posted on 02/06/2011 9:11:37 AM PST by Yo-Yo (Is the /sarc tag really necessary?)
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To: edcoil

I never tire of these.I have tears in my eyes from LMAO.These are like warner brothers cartoons.Seen em a million times and still laugh like the first time.


10 posted on 02/06/2011 9:17:58 AM PST by HANG THE EXPENSE (Life is tough.It's tougher when you're stupid.)
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To: edcoil
Thanks edcoil, I've almost 40 years in aviation and seen most of these, but it's always good to see them again. I love to start my day with a smile.
11 posted on 02/06/2011 9:23:24 AM PST by merkator
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To: nnn0jeh

ping


12 posted on 02/06/2011 9:32:06 AM PST by kalee (The offences we give, we write in the dust; Those we take, we engrave in marble. J Huett 1658)
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To: edcoil
Ahh! Memories!

F-100F (2-seater) had an occasional AC problem where it would “snow in the cockpit” from condensation, I guess. (Forgive me but I was a weapons guy) New back-seaters would write up Snow in the Cockpit and the crew chiefs would write the correction, “Snow shoes and galoshes installed.”

13 posted on 02/06/2011 9:57:59 AM PST by Wilum (Never loaded a nuke I didn't like)
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To: edcoil

I kicked the slats out of my crib laughing the first time I saw this!!


14 posted on 02/06/2011 10:32:23 AM PST by DustyMoment (Go green - recycle Congress in 2012!!)
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To: edcoil

I can’t remember where I heard this one, but as the story goes, an A-10 pilot felt a thump during flight but didn’t see anything from the cockpit.

After landing, he told the crew chief to check the aircraft carefully because he might have hit a bird.

The crew chief then walks to the back of the aircraft and begins a careful inspection of the rudder and elevators...


15 posted on 02/07/2011 3:52:06 AM PST by Ronin ("Dismantle the TSA and send the screeners back to Wal-Mart.")
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