Posted on 01/15/2011 3:12:00 PM PST by Twotone
Ronald Reagan loved to tell Russian Jokes - jokes the Russians told themselves. This is a link to the video, which takes about 5 minutes to play.
Man,America misses that man!
Three convicted Russians are talking on a train to the Gulag.They ask each other their crimes and sentences.
First one: “I got twenty years for stealing.”
Second:”I got thirty for assault.”
Third:”I got forty and I have done nothing!”
First and Second:”LIAR! You only get ten for doing nothing!”
Not a Russian joke but posted by someone of FR earlier:
No Sex Since 1955
A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event
hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely
young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.
“Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious
man. Is something bothering you?”
“Negative, ma’am. Just serious by nature.”
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said,
It looks like you have seen a lot of action.”
“Yes, ma’am, a lot of action.”
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation,
said, “You know, you should lighten up...relax and enjoy yourself.”
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, “You know, I hope you don’t take
this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?”
“1955, ma’am.”
“Well, there you are. No wonder you’re so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to “relax” him several times.
Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, “Wow, you sure didn’t forget much since 1955.”
The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, “I hope not; it’s only 2130 now.”
Now that’s funny!
I haven’t done military time since my Navy days so it caught me.
Funny jokes. So sad he is gone.
The Trans-Siberian Express is carrying Lenin, Stalin, Krushchev and Gorbachev, and the train stops in the middle of the steppes because there is no more track. Each leader has an idea of how to fix the problem.
Lenin makes a fiery speech to the crew demanding that they build the rest of the railroad.
Stalin shoots the crew and ships in a new crew from the gulag.
Krushchev tells the crew to take the rails from in back of the train and build the railroad by moving them to the front.
Gorbachev runs around the train yelling, "Look! No rails! No rails!"
Brezhnev era joke:
Did you hear about the guy who got 15 years hard labor in the Gulag merely for walking around Red Square with a sign that read: “Brezhnev is an idiot!”
He got 12 months for demonstrating without a permit, and 14 years for revealing a state secret...
Three delegates meet to discuss economic cooperation. One is from the Soviet Union, one is from Cuba and one is from the United States.
The Soviet delegate arrives late and apologizes. “I’m sorry, I ran late because I waited in line for an hour to purchase a bag of potatoes.
The U.S. delegate says, “What’s a line?”
The Cuban delegate says, “What’s a potatoe?”
I think our current president would rather tell jokes about Americans than about our enemies. It would be too “culturally insensitive”.
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