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I am so sorry for what you are going through, and truly understand your distress.... however this particular illness isn’t something I’ve had to deal with.... yet.

A bit more than a year ago I lost one of my two orange tabbies to liver cancer.... a horrible experience. Currently, one of my two oldest is dealing with a chronic upper respiratory infection....been going on for a couple of years with that. She is also having issues with finding the litter boxes. I think that is a combination of not always feeling well and senility. Poor old thing. :~(

The hardest, most painful thing, is gauging their quality of life..... to determine if it’s TIME for THE decision. We don’t want to lose them, but don’t want them to suffer a second longer than they have to. Sigh.

My sick little old girl still enjoys her food, is piddling and pooping in a normal way (though on the paper I put down instead of the box, grrr).. and truly seems content most of the time..... just OLD. So, with her, as long a a round of antibiotics every 3 or 4 months helps, she stays with us.

It is so HARD, this life and death responsibility.

You’re wrestling with so much right now. I really feel what you’re going through..... I’ve been there many times with my furry children. It never gets easier, does it?

pattyjo

No, it never gets easier, pretty sucky. Funny you say that about your sick little one, with the pooping and peeing. I laid down old towels, which she goes on instead of the floor.

I feel so guilty when I get angry about having to clean up her “messes”, which finally made me do the old towel thing.

Seems she likes to go on them more than the liter boxes. I just throw it away and put a new one down.

I just hope my selfishness doesn’t get in the way of determining when the time comes.

She is now laying down on my computer desk as I type (she LOVES it up there). She seems to still truly enjoy walking back and forth, in my way, as I try to read my FR!

I take that as a sign she is NOT ready to go yet!!

I'm so sorry for what you must be going through right now..I'd like to share my story with you if I could...

My beloved Boog,our big grey tom,was 16 when he began not wanting to eat,looking haggard and had an odd-smelling breath. I took him to the vet's and got the heartbreaking news: he was in kidney failure.They could keep him & give him IV therapy,force-feed him and get his strength back and see how he would do,and after 3-4 days and nearly $600 later,he was sent home. After a couple of days,the loss of appetite was back and the bad breath smell as well.He laid on my lap one evening and looked up at me,his eyes so tired and weary.I told hubby i'd take him to the vet's the next day for what I knew was the inevitable.
I took him in the exam room,heart in my throat, and the vet checked him and asked me what I wanted to do.I broke down immediately and just nodded at him to do what needed to be done. I turned my back as they administered the first shot,then the doc explained to me what would happen.
He closed the door and I held Boog close to me until I felt his little body go limp and his breathing stopped.I'm crying writing this but I would do it again in a minute,as devastatingly painful as it was for me to do.
Letting go takes much more love and courage than you could ever know;but rest assured-God knows ,and your best friend knows,and they will be waiting for you at The Gate when you get there.
An interesting and happy footnote to this story:
About 2 days later, I was at work still feeling like crap,and I kept getting this nagging voice telling me to go to Petsmart after work.I NEVER go to Petsmart! What's this?? By the time quitting time came,I was ready to go,and I still wasn't sure why.I went right to the adoption center-I swear to you, I NEVER went there before that day!!!!There,in an unmarked cage in the very back of the row,was the most beautiful,chubby little female tabby i'd ever seen.She was sticking her paw out of the cage like she was trying to get my attention.I left that Petsmart with Penny in a cardboard carrier and nearly 5 years later she continually brings me joy.To this day I know Boog sent her to me,to comfort me and watch over me after he left.She's my miracle kitty.