Posted on 06/14/2010 11:34:48 AM PDT by OneVike
"I don't have a drinking problem. I drink.My personal favorite comes from a confused individual who thinks he is truly offering some spiritual advice for those who drink too much beer.
I get drunk. I fall down. No problem."
"Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants to see us happy."
"The mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with beer."
"Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer."
"When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all drink beer, get drunk and go to heaven!"Well with that I offer this video from a liquor store. You will see a man who has already had way too much beer. However, he thinks he needs more, so he decided to go buy some more. We can thank God for the level headed clerk who refused to sell him any beer.
As soon as I sober up I’ll let you know......
Check out the store video of a guy who is so drunk he cannot walk straight nor even keep standing as he attempts to buy more beer.
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I bet it’s a fake. If it’s not fake I would bet his “buddies” sent him into the store to see if he could do it.
Actually I looked into it, because I thought the same thing at first.
However, and I found out that the clerk ended up calling the cops.
When they showed up they arrested him for public intoxication.
So it really did happen.
I know how many is too many.
But... how many, exactly, is WAY too many?
While you ponder the answer to that heavy metaphysical question, enjoy a Czech polka, “In Heaven There Is No Beer”:
I think I was 17. Never again.
Winning Freeper of a McCain “My Friend” drinking contest?
I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I drink only one.
http://www.macandjacks.com/index.php
And one goes a long way.
It’s sad but true that’s it’s easier to drive a car than walk in many circumstances.
Don’t drink and govern.
That sort of poor performance has increased since they closed the drive-thru beer stores in my town.
He isn’t drunk, he also isn’t a very good actor.
Watched the video and noticed the time stamp. 10 something AM. Daylight outside the door. If it’s true, jeez this guy has problems.
Thanks for the ping!
Beer Problem Determination Guide
SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, beer is unusually pale and clear.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Find someone who will buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, and the front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open when drinking or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Buy another beer and practice in front of mirror. Drink as many as needed to perfect drinking technique.
SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Go stand next to nearest dog. After a while complain to the owner about its lack of house training and demand a beer as compensation.
SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Find someone who will buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Floor swaying.
FAULT: Excessive air turbulence, perhaps due to air-hockey game in progress.
ACTION: Insert broom handle down back of jacket.
SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar. If not, complain loudly
that you are being kidnapped.
SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with ceiling tiles and fluorescent light strip across it.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: If your glass is full and no one is standing on your drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to help you get up; latch self to bar.
SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dim, mouth full of cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.
SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dark.
FAULT: The Bar is closing.
ACTION: Panic.
SYMPTOM: You awaken to find your bed hard, cold and wet. You cannot see anything in your bedroom.
FAULT: You have spent the night in the gutter.
ACTION: Check your watch to see if bars are open yet. If not, treat yourself to a lie-in.
SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Turn glass other way up so that open end points toward ceiling.
SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.
SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up at you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.
SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It’s water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.
SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.
SYMPTOM: Don’t recognize anyone, don’t recognize the room you’re in.
FAULT: You’ve wandered in to the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.
SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.
SYMPTOM: Don’t remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.
One way to tell if a guy is drunk is if he grabs strangers on public sidewalks and demands to know their names.
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