Posted on 06/10/2010 1:19:23 PM PDT by Miztiki
By that, I mean’t if only you could move, you could have a good life here.
Personally, I don’t think depression is the problem ... I think the problem is INERTIA (objects at rest tend to stay at rest). Depression is a symptom.
My previous suggestions of church and serving someone else still stand — but my overarching suggestion would be ...
TAKE ACTION.
It almost doesn’t matter what you do to better your situation ... just do something. If it doesn’t work, do something else. It will give you hope, it will make progress toward where you want to be, it will better your life and your mood.
Do something today, before your head hits the pillow. Call a church. Find a Bible class. Make an appointment to meet with a minister. Sell something on Ebay. Call a friend you haven’t heard from. Make a budget. Anything. And, then — do something tomorrow, too!
In addition, for any and all financial problems, I recommend Dave Ramsey — “Financial Peace” and “The Total Money Makeover” literally remade my financial outlook. Find them and read them. Ramsey often sells them for $10 each on his website. They are WELL worth the investment.
SnakeDoc
Prayer Bump
OH SS disability...not for retirement...
And as far as this may not be the board..I have a family member who is disabled..so I know about SS disability. It’s not for ‘retirement’...
How about those millions upon millions of Americans who no longer qualify for unemployment benefits, eh?
Are you able to do things like keeping track of an elderly person’s medications? There are older people who would like to stay in their home but need somebody there to keep an eye on them. Depending on what kind of help they need, would that be a possibility?
Another possibility might be if people need somebody to house-sit for an extended period of time. But that’s kind of a hit-and-miss prospect, I know.
If cooking is something you love to do, might there be a vendor of some kind (grocery store, etc) who would buy goodies that you make in order to sell to the public? If your cooking could be marketed and you could do it at home would that be a possibility?
I’ve seen ads for work at home but I don’t know how those work out. I was doing typing at home until the financial crash, when the company I was an independent contractor with had to cut back.
For companionship, would a Bible study be an option? I don’t know what I would have done without my small-group Bible study during the lonely times.
My mom is going through severe situational depression as my dad has been placed in a care center. I’ve battled with depression myself several times. You’re not alone, even when it feels like it.
That’s weird that they won’t allow roommates if you get a no-down-payment loan for a house. What if you called the other person a tenant? You buy the house and they pay you to have a room there. Is that the same thing as a “roommate”? If the house was arranged a particular way would it make a difference to the definitions? Like if it was arranged as if it was 2 apartments? We had a chance to buy a house like that, near the college so if we had done it we would probably have had a college student for a tenant in the basement. If you’re close to a city there may be people who are looking to get away - maybe even a family with kids.
I really feel for you. It’s a tough place to be in. Please know that it’s going to get better. When you’ve hit the bottom there’s no place to go but up. It sounds like a cliche’, I know, but God is with you in the middle of everything. He knows every sorrow and weeps with you, and He will not let you be tested beyond your ability to endure but will provide a way out, so that you can bear it.
I am so sorry you are in such a bad way. I prayed for you.
Remember that Jesus takes away the sins of the world so there is no place for an accuser within you directed at you. If you are doing self judgement/anger/resentment, get in touch with and internalize the gift of pardon and love Jesus gave to you and then interrupt those damning and fearful thoughts with a call out to Jesus. Make Him your friend and lean on Him throughout the day.
Start off small to change your routine. Take special care of your body. Listen to music and sing. Call a pastor and see if you can get a lift to church. Contact old friends to chat. Forgive yourself, love yourself and accept youself like Jesus does for you.
--William James
I discovered this for myself when going through an incredibly rough period, where it felt like I was living in a soap opera. I call it "deficit thinking" where you get so focused on what isn't there and what you don't have, that you can't see what IS there and what you DO have. One day I decided I wasn't going to think that way any more. It changed my life. James (and other posters upthread) are right. I can testify to the effectiveness.
Attitude really IS everything.
If your ex is willing to help you out this much, why not ask him to help you buy a duplex where you live in one side with your pets and have a renter in the other side.
Rent property is income that you dont have to be mobile for and you dont have to show up. If there is a maintenance problem, you can call someone to fix it.
I know several people who are old and disabled and they do quite well renting properties. Getting your first one is the hardest, but if you can have success with one and build equity, you can buy more and increase your income and decrease your dependency on others.
Soon you will be able to afford your own car, food, etc.
You’ve had a lot of good advice.
One last thing, that fentanyl will make you depressed and prolonged use of narcotics can actually increase chronic pain. Talk to your doc about detox and non narcotic methods for controlling pain.
Thanks for your ideas and suggestions.
My body and house are clean, I eat from scratch, I get outside with my dogs out here in this beautiful country, I don’t feel sorry for myself and I’m sure as heck not a doormat, I don’t have anxiety or panic attacks, I love God more than anything, utter loneliness is my main problem, I have much to offer but no one to offer it to due to loneliness, I’m not “whining” about money and thank God every day for my material blessings, I’m not in debt, I recently tried 2 college classes - was too physically demanding (got great grades though!), I LIKE who I am, I do church when possible but no friends yet so I’m coming to you, I’m not in town or a city, yes I am considering town or a city, no sun here so no flowers/garden which really, really sucks, I don’t feel powerless or a “victim”, Mr. K should learn to read and I won’t say more on that particular post, Social Security is what old people get when they retire except I retired 13 years ago, I am going to talk to a counselor that understands chronic pain, I’m on enough meds now to kill an elephant, I need to change my situation not take more drugs, I’ve been disabled most of my adult life so that is not new but this situational depression is, I pray all day every day and it helps but I DO something now, I have a tent and I LOVE LOVE LOVE to camp but it’s boring by yourself and that’s the issue - I’M LONELY, social workers are overworked and understaffed, I’m aware of my housing options but don’t want to lose my “babies” if possible, I “dive” into the bible and Free Republic, one of my dogs is my retired Service Dog but only a pet now (If not misleading, I’d take you up on that) and the other is a Border Collie (!!), I am very “pro-active”, FR is not the only person/place I’ve reached out to, I’m not 40 yet, I don’t quite qualify for Assisted Living (thanks to Fentanyl!) but that’s not a concern for me...
And that’s as far as I’ve gotten. Whew! Y’all type fast!
I wouldn’t presume to insert myself into your business; however, since you’ve asked... personally, I find praying the rosary enormously comforting. Ponder the life of Jesus; compared to Him, we’ve all got it pretty easy - and He undertook His mission voluntarily.
And, no, you don’t have to be a Catholic to pray the rosary.
Miztiki,
What state do you live in? I can totally identify with what you are going through. I have the same chronic loneliness situation without the disability. I fought the depression with all the ways described by Dayman in post#3, but nothing helped UNTIL I found a friend and doctor who found a hormonal imbalance was contributing to the depression. Having solved that problem, I am dealing with trying to rebuild a social life, and my job hours prevent a lot of interaction.
Please keep plugging away. Your faith and prayers will ultimately put you where you need to be. I know that the additional prayers here will help.
I’m not physically strong enough to raise children, so no kids. Wish I could.
and ok with me gardening
and be able to cook for my roommate
dogs for 5 years and my cat
If I leave my ex then I know I’ll at least lose my car, and have to live in subsidized housing (”the ghetto”), no pets allowed.
I can’t do anything for anyone though when I’m so alone and isolated. And I miss cooking
Give up what? One of my pets? Rural life? Personal safety? Car? Financial help?
I qualify for rural, no-downpayment gov. mortgages but, get this - they don’t allow roommates!)
So let me see what I can figure out about these conflicting statements.
You can’t physically take care of children, but You can cook, drive , garden and take care of 5 dogs and a cat. And you qualify for no down payment gov. mortgages. And you’re lonely. Although you would be able to cook for a roommate, you ,miss cooking.
Ummm....o.k. it must just be me....something doesn’t seem to add up...OR someone’s being played for suckers. But dare say anything and FR comments will jump right on ya and question whether you should be on this board.
Freddd, this is not the thread to get flippant on, so please if you have the need to argue, find another place to do it.. May I suggest DU, they love it over there & they will throw in plenty of cuss words to amuse you!
If Rush and Elton can get along, why can’t we? Haha.
SnakeDoc
I believe that God determines when we leave this earth, and we determine the quality of life we will have by our choices. You should start by making a list, or counting the cost. Your living costs are paid by another but by accepting that you are paying a price that sounds like you are no longer willing to pay.
The cost of having a dog and cat is that you won't have as wide a choice of where to live. Don't have the dog or cat and you will have more choices. There are health benefits to pets, but the responsibility of caring for them is sometimes a hassle.
I have chronic pain that needs dealt with frequently but I can assure you that boredom often increases my pain level hence a need for more meds. Try distracting yourself with other activities instead of instantly using meds. That biofeed back suggestion was a great one. Music is a good source for me, it distracts me from my pain level and lifts my mood.
Have a plan for your day, before you go to bed at night. Even if it changes, it is good to wake up with a plan. And I believe that because of the unfortunate passing of John Wooden last week, I have heard his saying ‘Failing to plan, is planning to fail’ a million times this week. It is true. Not deciding what to do, is deciding to do nothing.
Big Brother/Big Sister or CASA always need people to mentor young children from broken homes. Focusing on someone else who has problems makes yours seem very small. And volunteering is often a door to a part-time job.
I know many people who live in subsidized housing that don't live in the ghetto. You need to apply and see what is available.
Can you afford not to move? If you were critically ill and the dr said you should move to improve your health would you? Another place you need to count the cost of staying, versus the cost of moving, how valuable is my mental and emotional health?
What is most important to you? I don't want to know. I want you to know. So many of your situational questions stem from choices you've made. Start small but start making better choices. Pray for that difficult parent, and forgive him. Try praying the Lord's prayer for a week or two. Read through the book of Proverbs. Some very, very good advice right there. Just read one chapter a day.
$800 is a lot compared to having nothing. If you put 10 dollars a week aside, in ten weeks you would have 100 dollars, and could offer it as a down payment showing a sincere heart to the landlord.
Cut out watching TV. You don't mention it, but it is a drain on your brain and your thinking. Watch out the window and identify the different birds, flowers or trees you see. Read a book. If you need some suggestions, FReepmail me and I'll make a list of fiction you could try.
Our county has a shuttle service for those who don't have transportation. Most times you need to make an appt but big deal. It is a way to get somewhere without being obligated to someone you don't want to be obligated to.
I know some very poor people, and they don't know they are poor. The are full of life, and would do most anything they could to help anyone. Some have difficulties, but that doesn't determine their happiness. Have you ever truly thought what would make you happy, or does it continually move up a notch every time you get to the next level. Attitude is the brush with which you color your day. You seem to want a change, which is good, but you seem afraid of change. Count the cost. Change is hard, but it is good too. You have to be willing to pay the cost, whether you stay in the situation you are in or make the needed changes. Once you make your decision, own it. And follow through. May God bless you ask you seek answers, but don't forget to look for the answers where you least expect them.
with a prayer for your spiritual renewal,
grame
“I’m disabled and poor. Those two facts severely limit my options.”
Remember that being poor is a state of mind, being broke is an indicator of a current economic situation.
I know it sounds very simplified, but I would suggest that you change your state of mind. If you can, listen to some Dave Ramsey webcasts and try reading some of the books on his recommended reading list. You will find that his advice stretches beyond finances very often and that listening to him is great for your soul.
It will be a process, but one that is very worth undertaking. You can find Dave’s archives and book list at www.daveramsey.com
I don’t mean to post and run, but I will be away from my computer until late next week. I did want to put the bug in your ear tho’. My prayers will be with you.
Thanks....SC
I know what it is to be on pain meds, was for quite a few years for chronic back pain & they do make your mind a mess. I was depressed to the max from them.
I'm sure you've tried other methods to relieve the pain, but I will suggest what worked for me anyway. I finally reached out to a forum whose members told me to get my butt into Physical Therapy! Last thing I wanted to hear, "move my sore back, no way"! But, it worked, it was like a miracle, I am med free & pain free.
I do understand the lonliness & if the church you are attending does not seem right for making friends, try another. Wish I had more to offer, but many here have had some good suggestions.
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