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Man arrested at Large Hadron Collider claims he's from the future
CNET UK ^
| 4/1/2010
| Nick Hide
Posted on 04/05/2010 10:24:30 AM PDT by Sax
A would-be saboteur arrested today at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland made the bizarre claim that he was from the future. Eloi Cole, a strangely dressed young man, said that he had travelled back in time to prevent the LHC from destroying the world.
The LHC successfully collided particles at record force earlier this week, a milestone Mr Cole was attempting to disrupt by stopping supplies of Mountain Dew to the experiment's vending machines. He also claimed responsibility for the infamous baguette sabotage in November last year.
Mr Cole was seized by Swiss police after CERN security guards spotted him rooting around in bins. He explained that he was looking for fuel for his 'time machine power unit', a device that resembled a kitchen blender.
Police said Mr Cole, who was wearing a bow tie and rather too much tweed for his age, would not reveal his country of origin. "Countries do not exist where I am from. The discovery of the Higgs boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I'm here to stop it ever happening."
This isn't the first time time-travel has been blamed for mishaps at the LHC. Last year, the Japanese physicist Masao Ninomiya and Danish string-theory pioneer Holger Bech Nielsen put forward the hypothesis that the Higgs boson was so "abhorrent" that it somehow caused a ripple in time that prevented its own discovery.
Professor Brian Cox, a former CERN physicist and full-time rock'n'roll TV scientist, was sympathetic to Mr Cole. "Bless him, he sounds harmless enough. At least he didn't mention bloody black holes."
Mr Cole was taken to a secure mental health facility in Geneva but later disappeared from his cell. Police are baffled, but not that bothered.
TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Science
KEYWORDS: aprilfools; callingartbell; collider; hadron; lhc; likelystories; napl; stringtheory; timetravel; timetraveller; timetunnel; zeusesbutthole
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To: Sax
Last year, the Japanese physicist Masao Ninomiya and Danish string-theory pioneer Holger Bech Nielsen put forward the hypothesis that the Higgs boson was so "abhorrent" that it somehow caused a ripple in time that prevented its own discovery. LOL!!!
21
posted on
04/05/2010 10:34:43 AM PDT
by
mlocher
(USA is a sovereign nation)
To: Sax
"Mr Cole was seized by Swiss police after CERN security guards spotted him rooting around in bins. He explained that he was looking for fuel for his 'time machine power unit', a device that resembled a kitchen blender."
Mr. Fusion?
To: Sax
Thats the whole problem, even if he was from the future no one would beleive him.
23
posted on
04/05/2010 10:34:55 AM PDT
by
culpeper
(He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people,)
To: Sax
24
posted on
04/05/2010 10:35:42 AM PDT
by
sniper63
(Bang,Bang, Maxwell's Silver hammer........)
To: astyanax
To: NorCoGOP
Can they tweak their control panel and cause another ripple in time that prevents Obama from being elected and destroying the United States? If only. But according to the article we all will live in a "communist chocolate hellhole".
OBAMA = One Big Ass Mistake, America.
To: newnhdad
Heh. I wondered if anyone would catch it.
27
posted on
04/05/2010 10:37:13 AM PDT
by
Ronin
To: Sax
The discovery of the Higgs boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I'm here to stop it ever happening." LOL! Anything that gets me to grin is worthy of quoting today.
To: Sax
“How can you be in two places at once, when you’re not anywhere at all....”
To: Sax
Was he looking for this kid?
To: Sax
SnakeDoc
31
posted on
04/05/2010 10:39:38 AM PDT
by
SnakeDoctor
("The world will know that free men stood against a tyrant ... that even a god-king can bleed." - 300)
To: Responsibility2nd
This guy just showed up to see if he could use that Haywood Collision Device thingy for a moment.
32
posted on
04/05/2010 10:40:40 AM PDT
by
Sax
To: Sax
Eloi Cole was only escaping back in time from the Morlocks.
FMCDH(BITS)
33
posted on
04/05/2010 10:43:22 AM PDT
by
nothingnew
(I fear for my Republic due to marxist influence in our government. Open eyes/see)
To: Sax
34
posted on
04/05/2010 10:44:32 AM PDT
by
KosmicKitty
(WARNING: Hormonally crazed woman ahead!!)
To: Sax
And it still takes 60 seconds to heat my coffee!
35
posted on
04/05/2010 10:46:18 AM PDT
by
Eagle Eye
(The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it is still on my list.)
To: Sax
I’m almost inclined to believe this guy.
To: Dr. Ursus
Hey,who wins the ninth at Belmont!Seabuscuit
37
posted on
04/05/2010 10:51:05 AM PDT
by
frithguild
(I gave to Joe Wilson the day after, to Scott Brown seven days before and next to JD Hayworth.)
To: Sax
If he’s interested in stopping the destruction of the world, he should be talking to the regime in Washington DC.
38
posted on
04/05/2010 10:52:13 AM PDT
by
NonValueAdded
("The real death threat is their legislation" Rush Limbaugh, 3/25/10)
To: Sax
Seems like he would have picked all the lotto numbers first to improve his credibility.
To: Retired Greyhound
I'm almost inclined to believe this guy.
Me too. Especially the part about a communist chocolate hellhole
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