Posted on 03/08/2010 6:24:55 PM PST by Kimmers
Why men are happy What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier!!
outfit???? whats an outfit?
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That’s how you know the list was created by the female of the species. Men don’t do outfits. Like you say, we put on pants and a shirt.
You can also tell when a bathroom has been designed by the female of the species, when there is a large mirror on the wall behind the toilet.
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up in the morning? Because they don't have balls to scratch...
LOL!
Then why am I the one negotiating the catering contract?
As the Father of the Bride, twice, I was given the 3-S's of wedding protocol for Fathers:
1. Smile
2. Shut-up.
3. Shell out.
bttt
A similar trick, if you don't want to worry about rapping the lid hard enough...
Use something moderately heavy to tap the lid on the rim, repeatedly all the way around. I like to use a knife from almost any set of flatware, as the handle is usually a substantial piece of metal.
It won't break the seal, but it will loosen it. If a jar has been unopened for a long time, I suppose the seal bonds with the jar or something.
amen
Nobody calls me and I’m just fine with that!
Great!
But a good ass scratchin’ definitely improves my vision!
Thanks for the tip. But I doubt it will work on Steinfeld’s sauerkraut. The only way I’ve been able to open those jars is to hammer a tack into the lid.
Are you saying the workman goes home with his lunch bucket still full?
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