Posted on 03/02/2010 10:00:52 AM PST by cajuncow
MaryAnne Lopes of Windham, Maine, had no intentions of pulling threads from the nation’s social fabric by living with her then boyfriend, Joe. She just wanted to save some money.
The couple, who celebrated their sixth wedding anniversary on Sunday, moved in together because it was cheaper and because she was living with her parents following a divorce from her first husband. “You try telling my father, the Reverend Dr. Young, I will not be home tonight!” she said, laughing about dates with Joe.
But while Lopes, now 40, considered her protestant minister father’s possible discomfort with overnighters, he raised no objections to her moving in with Joe, and happily presided over the couple’s wedding less than two years later.
(Excerpt) Read more at msnbc.msn.com ...
It has been pretty well documented that the divorce rate for people that lived together before marriage is HIGHER than for those that didn’t.
That isn’t the same as people that has sex before marriage. I believe the divorce rate for people that had sex before marriage (but didn’t live together) is no higher than the population in general. It’s the living together part that seem to lead to higher divorce rates (just the opposite of what you would expect).
My now wife and I lived together for three years before getting married.
In some ways, I wish we had not. In other ways, I’m glad we got to got see all of our issues before making a lifelong commitment.
See the author of this story didn’t bother to finish it:
“Living together leads to marriage which over 50% of the time ends up in divorce.”
I wonder how many of these couples actually stay together and how many of them end up divorcing later.
Hahaha, Brookhaven, you beat me to it!!
Do you have those numbers?
Divorce rate numbers seem to be something that you can cut and dice into anything you want. (I’ve seen numbers that prove that the high divorce rate is largely driven by couples on their second and third marriages for example).
We lived together for nearly 2 years before we married 24 years ago in May. IIMHO the statics are skewed by the same people who skew the divorce statics those who do it over and over.
>> But while Lopes, now 40, considered her protestant minister father’s possible discomfort with overnighters, he raised no objections to her moving in with Joe ...
Just goes to show you that a pulpit is no substitute for a spine and/or conscience. Way to take a stand there, Rev.
SnakeDoc
My wife and I lived together for at least 3 to 4 years before marriage. Still married. My experience is marriage is a tough logistic problem to pull off with families from two different regions of the US. When we wanted to get married the Presbyterian Church in her hometown required a six month counceling program before they would marry us. Same with the Catholic Church. We offered to do the counceling in a NJ Pres/Catholic Church to qualify, but neither church would accept “transfer credits”. Ironically we were married by the prison chaplian from the local State Prison in a city owned Chapel that once belonged to a Presbyterian Divinity College. In a strange way being married by a prison chaplain has its merits.
I don’t believe living together before marriage is a good idea and Biblical wrong. However, I’m no saint and my husband and I did not wait till marriage to have sex and we spent many of nights together. If we could go back we would have waited to live together and had sex before marriage. It hurt our relationship badly. We are still married after 10 years together by the grace of God. And God is good because He has returned romantic feelings for each other that we lost for a while there. We continue to trust Him and commit to each other no matter what.
What do you mean “We” kemosabe?
I read the stat that something like 87% of people that live together before marriage end in divorce. That is a freaking huge number.
Here is the deal ladies.... whatever a guy says, what ever you think he means, the bottom line is you have given him a disincentive to be committed to you when you give your body and your security to him before you are married. You robbed him of being a man. Of stepping into the role he is meant to have as provider and protector. That is part of his core identity. That IS who he is whether he cognitively recognizes it or not. Married men civilize nations. Can you see the lack of maturity in this nation? Can you see how people do not want to grow up? All of those are the fruit of men not having that back pressure to take their roles seriously in society.
Dads, it is YOUR responsibility how your daughters grow up and how they feel about themselves especially sexually. If you treat your wife like crap, be disrespectful, mock her in public, make her your “ball and chain” “old lady” Yo bitch
guess what identity your daughter will adopt?
Womens core outcome of their identity is security. If girls are raised with an ambiguous sense of security because dad walked out, then they will seek it in the bed of someone they “believe” will provide that security. So they will trade their bodies for a sense of security if you do not cherish them and their mothers as they grow up. YOU set the level of expectation for them. They will go after what is familar NOT what is best. You are the author of familiar gentlemen how will you write her history?
Walkingfeather
My husband and I didn’t live in the same time zone until we got married. Somehow, we didn’t have trouble working out our issues. I think married couples are far more likely to work out the issues that come up from living together than unmarried couples; when you aren’t married, you always know one or the other can walk out the door. When you’re married, you have to make it work.
There are also people that are engaged, and at that time get a place together and start living together for simple economy and logistics. I used to rent an apartment out, the couples come in and start living together and their wedding will be say, about six months down the road.
I don’t believe in sex before marriage - I waited, and I think it was a better idea. But I can understand, with everything being so complicated legally nowadays, how people want to get their situations sorted out.
There’s also the big thing about the big wedding now. I watch a show on TV where they have $8000 dresses. Can you imagine? How can you deal with a wedding like that and buying your house at the same time? The whole things silly if you ask me.
People just love to make everything so complicated. When I got married, I had a $110 dollar dress and that was an extravagance.
Couples who live together very often do not get married. If they do, they are more likely to divorce than couples who did not cohabit before marriage.
The stats are the stats, in spite of contrary anecdotes.
It’s probably the only time a minister has said, “And I don’t want to see either of you back here again!” lol.
Congrats on the successful marriage!
Congrats on the successful marriage!
Thanks, it has been a blessing. One of the few truly smart things I have ever done - that and having a son.
Everyday I am more surprised by the way the morals have fallen by the wayside. Yesterday I was telling a friend mine with only boys how grateful I am that my daughter and her boyfriend have committed to chastity until marriage (there are 17 and have been dating a year, but great friends since 4th grade.) She said I was naive for thinking that they were not having sex, which I am not. My daughter and I discuss the challenges all the time. Anyway, I told her they will plan to marry after a year or so into college, and she was appalled that they would be so stupid as to marry that young. She said, ‘I would much rather my boys just go ahead and have sex then commit to a relationship when they are that young.’ Huh?! Well, I would rather my daughter not date a boy like your son who you encourage to use girls at his pleasure. Oh, and she is a “strict” Catholic! Ha!
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