Posted on 01/08/2010 4:41:24 AM PST by Lucky9teen
#9: I will try to figure out why I need 10 email addresses.
#10: I won't yell at so many inanimate objects
During Nicaragua’s war between the Sandinistas and the Contras, an American speech therapist decided to help the Contras.
After his arrival, he spoke with an officer in the army and asked, “What can I do to help?”
“You’re in speech therapy?” was the reply. “How about helping with some Contra diction?”
An elephant and a crocodile were swimming in the Amazon, when the elephant spots a turtle sunning himself on a rock.
The elephant walks over to the turtle, picks him up in his trunk and hurls him far into the jungle.
“What did you do that for?” asks the crocodile.
The elephant answers, “That turtle was the one that bit me almost fifty years ago.”
The crocodile says, “And you remembered him after all these years? Boy, you sure do have a good memory.”
“Yep,” says the elephant. “Turtle recall.”
He'll probably kick it off with a summit in Copenhagen.
Alex Baldwin will host.
U2 Bono will lead the entertainment.
Barbara Streisand & Elton John will make appearances to promote global freezing in countries plagued with AIDs.
Nancy Pelosi will immediately push for health care in global frozen countries.
The World Wildlife Fund will say that polar bears are becoming extinct due to freezing.
A video made just before his death will be shown of Michael Jackson asking that Global Freezing be stopped, for the children,
Bill Clinton will reach out for donations to his global freezing charities with Denise Richards at his side.
Oprah will come out of retirement to make Al Gore's new book a Book of the Month selection with a signing at the White House, televised live by NBC..
Rev Jeremiah Wright will close with prayer.
Obama will finance and kick the funding campaign off with a formal ball so the First Lady can wear a new formal outfit and appear on the cover of People magazine. Again.
A mother pig was walking through the barnyard one day with one of her piglets. Suddenly, a raccoon raced out from behind the barn and scared the living daylights out of the mother pig.
The little hog laughed to see such sport and the sow jumped over the coon.
Never too early to take a nip. A nip from the bottle that is.
I wish I knew about this before Christmas. :)
bttt
It’s a balmy 34degrees now.
He's a foot shorter now.
Ten for the Next Ten (U2's Bono for the NYT OpEd page, creeping tide of government alert) (NY Times ^ | January 2, 2010 | Bono (no last name provided))
Once in a land far, far away there lived a group of people called Trids. The Trids were happy except for the huge ogre that lived on the mountain. The ogre would periodically terrorize the Trids.
The Trids tired of the ogre and sought to reason with him. They thought one of their religious leaders would be a good intermediary. So a group of Trids and their minister went up the mountain and before they could even say one word the ogre kicked them down the mountain. Not being dismayed the Trids thought that maybe the ogre was Catholic, so they sent another delegation, this time led by the local priest. But alas, as they approached the ogre he once again kicked them all down the mountain.
The Trids were upset until they thought that perhaps the ogre was Jewish. Unfortunately, no Trids were Jewish, so they wrote to the people of another land and asked them to send a Rabbi to help them with the ogre. The Rabbi arrived and led a delegation of Trids up the mountain. The ogre saw them coming and kicked all of them, except for the Rabbi, down the mountain. The Rabbi, having been told of the previous expeditions, wondered why he alone had not been kicked down the mountain, so he asked the ogre. The ogre laughed and replied:
“Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids!”
A British bush pilot is flying on a job through the Australian outback when he encounters engine problems and is forced to make a crash landing. He survives, but is found unconscious and is taken to a local mission hospital which is run by the Sisters of Mercy. Upon awakening, he is greeted by the mother superior who advises him where he is and asks if there is anything he wants. He replies, “I am a bit thirsty...could I have a cup of tea?” to which the mother superior says, “I’m terribly sorry, but our supply truck is late and we are out of regular tea. However, we do have a sort of native drink that is brewed from koala hides.” the pilot thinks awhile and replies, “Well, I just have to have my cuppa...you can bring me that, thanks.”
The nun leaves and returns in a few minutes with a steaming cup. The pilot takes the cup gratefully, but upon taking a sip, instantly gags and spits it out. “This tea is filled with hair!”, he exclaims disgustedly.
“Oh, I’m dreadfully sorry!” The nun replies, “I forgot to tell you: The koala tea of Mercy is not strained.”
Yay! Bring it on...
Oh yeah, top 100!
I would be grinning ear to ear.
100 mine?
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