Posted on 01/08/2010 4:41:24 AM PST by Lucky9teen
#9: I will try to figure out why I need 10 email addresses.
#10: I won't yell at so many inanimate objects
Where I work, we spread almost 14,000 lbs of salt since the week before Christmas, by hand.
When we were told about the total, I got a retro-active Hernia.
Winter sucks. And if one more jerk tells me about golbal warming, I will strip him naked and force him to shovel the snow with a tablespoon.
We are just going back to the legacy temperatures of 10,000 years ago in the Continental US.
What do you do to prevent the pipes from freezing. Also, what do you all do to keep from going crazy being cooped up in the house?
It’s a sunny 28degrees in Houston, Y’all.
I moved to TX.
We only get one ice day a year. When I bought a ton of ice melt I didn’t realize it was a 7-10 year supply.
LOL....
I think it's supposed to be "hexed by halitosis".
I moved to FL.
Jim Finn, the noted biologist, was stumped. He had spent months studying the little green frogs in the Keefo swamp. Despite all efforts at predator control, population was declining at an alarming rate.
Finn finally went to the chemistry department at his college to see if anyone there might be able to help. Tom Trom looked into the problem and came up with a solution. The little frogs had succumbed to a chemical change in the swamp’s water and simply couldn’t stay coupled long enough to reproduce.
Tom brewed up a new adhesive, made from a dash of this, a zoss of that and, most critically, one part sodium.
‘You mean...?’ said Jim.
‘Yes,’ said Tom. ‘They need a mono-sodium glue to mate!’
Aaargh! You’re correct.
There was once a fabulously wealthy man who lived far from civilisation in a huge Golden House. Everything about the house was Golden - the bricks, the doors, the floors, the furniture, the knives, the forks: everything that could possible be Golden was indeed of pure, finest quality Gold.
One night, as the fabulously wealthy man lay in his Golden Bed between his Golden Sheets, there came a ring on the Golden Bell. He rose, put on his Golden Dressing Gown, walked down the Golden Passage to the Golden Stairs and thence to the Golden Hall where he opened the Golden Door.
‘I’m sorry to bother you,’ said the stranger on the Golden Door Step, ‘but my car has broken down and this seems to be the only house for miles and miles. Could you possibly put me up for the night?’
‘Of course,’ said the fabulously wealthy man, ‘follow me.’ And he took the stranger through the Golden Hall, up the Golden Stairs and along the Golden Passage.
‘You may sleep here’, he said, ‘in this Golden Bedroom. In the Golden Cupboard you will find a pair of Golden Pyjamas. Sleep well.’
The fabulously wealthy man returned to his Golden bed and was just falling asleep when again the Golden Bell roused him. It was a second stranger whose car had broken down, and he was also shown to a Golden Bedroom.
Similarly a third stranded stranger who rang the Golden Bell a half hour later was lodged in yet another Golden Bedroom.
In the morning the three travellers found themselves in a huge Golden Breakfast Room. They sat at a vast Golden Table as a servant entered wearing Golden Livery and a powdered Golden Wig.
‘What would you like for breakfast, gentlemen?’ he asked, ‘Cornflakes or Kippers?’
‘I’ll have Cornflakes,’ said the first.
‘I’ll have Cornflakes as well’ said the second.
‘I’ll have Kippers, please,’ said the third.
Which just goes to show, that two out of three people prefer cornflakes for breakfast!
So I booked into a hotel and said to the receptionist,
"I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."
"No," she said, "It's regular porn, you sick bastard!"
Yep, that’s pretty good, since I’ve seen it already I switched over to this one.
Very good dancers and I don’t think they’re all gay.
Very funny
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BSedhEoutP0
He's all right now.
A guy goes to a psychiatrist. “Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I’m a teepee, then I’m a wigwam, then I’m a teepee, then I’m a wigwam. It’s driving me crazy. What’s wrong with me?”
The doctor replies, “It’s very simple. You’re two tents.”
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