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~~~~ThE oFfIcIaL fRiDaY sIlLiNeSs ThReAd ~~~~

Posted on 12/11/2009 4:41:32 AM PST by Lucky9teen

Getting ready for Christmas?


"In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukah' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukah!' or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!'" ~ Dave Barry





"Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven." ~ W. C. Fields



"The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband." ~ Joan Rivers.



"Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it." ~ Richard Lamm



"Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven." ~ W.C. Fields









"The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin." ~ Jay Leno.



"Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, He must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, Must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking?" ~ Arlo Guthrie



"I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included." ~ Bernard Manning.



"Dear Lord, I've been asked, nay commanded, to thank Thee for the Christmas turkey before us... a turkey which was no doubt a lively, intelligent bird... a social being... capable of actual affection... nuzzling its young with almost human- like compassion. Anyway, it's dead and we're gonna eat it. Please give our respects to its family... " Berke Breathed



TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: christmas; mishap; ofst; silliness
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To: Lucky9teen

http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/xPaTk8Zz9FYax6cc


21 posted on 12/11/2009 5:37:53 AM PST by ErnBatavia (Obama is a DIC....... Ditherer-in-Chief)
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To: Lucky9teen

I’m here and I’ve already pooped today.


22 posted on 12/11/2009 5:38:42 AM PST by CholeraJoe (I'll try to be nicer, if you'll try to be smarter.)
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To: Lucky9teen
New FOX Poll Results:

23 posted on 12/11/2009 5:40:09 AM PST by Izzy Dunne (Hello, I'm a TAGLINE virus. Please help me spread by copying me into YOUR tag line.)
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To: Izzy Dunne

Hehe...


24 posted on 12/11/2009 5:41:52 AM PST by Dead Corpse (III)
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To: Lucky9teen

25 posted on 12/11/2009 5:43:35 AM PST by Izzy Dunne (Hello, I'm a TAGLINE virus. Please help me spread by copying me into YOUR tag line.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Did I actually make the top 25?


26 posted on 12/11/2009 5:43:36 AM PST by The Chief (Volunteer Fire Fighter since 1989, 20+ years!)
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To: The Chief

No.


27 posted on 12/11/2009 5:44:35 AM PST by Izzy Dunne (Hello, I'm a TAGLINE virus. Please help me spread by copying me into YOUR tag line.)
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To: The Chief

Nope I just missed it, darn! :-)

Hey I made the top 50 though! ;-)


28 posted on 12/11/2009 5:44:55 AM PST by The Chief (Volunteer Fire Fighter since 1989, 20+ years!)
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To: Lucky9teen

How the Grinch Stole Christmas

...Part Duex

2009

EVERY WHO DOWN IN WHOVILLE LIKED CHRISTMAS A LOT,

BUT THE GRINCH, WHO LIVED JUST NORTH OF WHOVILLE, DID NOT.

THE GRINCH HATED CHRISTMAS THE WHOLE CHRISTMAS SEASON

NO ONE KNOWS WHY, NO ONE KNOWS QUITE THE REASON.

IT COULD HAVE BEEN THAT THE GRINCH WAS JEW,

BUT HE WASN’T THE GRINCH SIMPLY HATED EACH WHO.

HE HATED THEM ALL SINCE THEY ALL SEEMED SO HAPPY

AND THE GRINCH’S POOR LIFE WAS COMPARATIVELY CRAPPY.

THE GRINCH WAS AN ATHIEST, GAY, AND A COMMIE

(SOMETHING HE’D LEARNED FROM HIS DAD AND HIS MOMMIE).

HE DIDN’T MIND WINTER SOLSTICE OR KWANZAA

BUT THE “CHRIST” NAME IN CHRISTMAS DROVE THAT GRUMPY GRINCH GONZA.

BECAUSE JESUS TAUGHT LOVE, GOODNESS, MORALS, AND SUCH

THINGS THAT THE GRINCH DIDN’T PRACTICE THAT MUCH.

BUT YOU KNOW THAT OLD GRINCH WAS SO SMOOTH AND SO SLICK

THAT HE THOUGHT UP A PLAN AND HE THOUGHT IT UP QUICK.

THIS YEAR NO SANTA SUIT, NO TASTY ROAST BEAST

NO TRUSTY DOG MAX OR CRASHING THE FEAST

NO MORE BROODING IN SILENCE, NO CINDY LOU WHO

NO…. THIS YEAR THE GRINCH WOULD CALL the ACLU .

SO THE GRINCH GRABBED HIS CELL PHONE, HE GOT ON THE HORN

AND CALLED ON THE MOST VILE LAWYERS E’ER BORN.

ATTORNEYS AMORAL, AGGRESSIVE AND MEAN

WHO WORK IN THE WHOLE “HATE AMERICA” SCENE.

AND YES ALL THESE LAWYERS WERE ALL CLOSET COMMIES

(SOMETHING THEY’D LEARNED FROM THEIR DADDIES AND MOMMIES).

AND THOUGH THEY WERE BAD FROM SHOELACES TO FACES

THEY’D ALL BECOME RICH ON A CONTINGENCY BASIS.

THEN HE CALLED MICHAEL NEWDOW, WHO REALLY HATES GOD

AND SOME MUSLIM LAWYER NAMED TAWFIQ HADAD.

WITH HIS DEVILS IN PLACE AND READY TO SUE

THE GRINCH NOW WAS READY TO SCREW EVERY WHO

ALL THE WINDOWS WERE DARK, QUIET SNOW FILLED THE AIR

ALL THE WHOS WERE ALL DREAMING SWEET DREAMS WITHOUT CARE.

WHEN HE CAME TO THE BRIGHT LIGHTS RIGHT THERE ON THE SQUARE.

THE GRINCH SAID, “THIS BANNER SIMPLY MUST GO

IT SAYS ‘MERRY CHRISTMAS’ IT CLEARLY SAYS SO.

I DON’T BELIEVE IN THIS JESUS CHRIST FELLOW.”

THEN THE ACLU GUYS ALL STARTED TO BELLOW,

“THIS BANNER’S ILLEGAL, INTOLERANT, INTRUSIVE.

THE WHOS MUST REPLACE IT WITH SOMETHING INCLUSIVE.”

SO THE BANNER CAME DOWN AND THE WHOS HAD SOME MEETINGS

AND PUT UP A NEW ONE THAT SAID “SEASONS GREETINGS.”

WITH THE BANNER NOW HISTORY, THE GRINCH STARTED ON

THE SWEET MANGER SCENE ON THE CITY HALL LAWN.

THE ACLU GUYS SAID, “THIS TOO MUST GO.

PUT A KWANZAA DISPLAY UP RIGHT THERE IN THE SNOW!”

MIKE NEWDOW THEN SAID,”WE’VE GOT THESE WHOS OVER BARRELS,

SO IN ALL THE WHOS SCHOOLS WE’LL ELIMINATE CAROLS!

AND WHILE ALL THIS WAS HAPPENING WHAT DID THE WHOS DO?

WHY THEY DID NOTHING BUT CRY BOO-HOO-HOO

WE DON’T HAVE THE MONEY. WE DON’T HAVE THE TIME.

THE COURTS ARE AGAINST US. IT’S SUCH A TOUGH CLIMB.

I GUESS WE’LL JUST LUMP IT. THIS MUST BE OUR FATE.

AND THEY CRIED AND THEY WHINED UNTIL ALL WAS TOO LATE.

THEN THE GRINCH AND THE LAWYERS RAN RAMPANT THROUGH TOWN.

TEARING EVERY REFERENCE TO JESUS CHRIST DOWN.

NOW ITS MANY YEARS LATER AND CHRIST IS ALL GONE

AND THE WHOS ARE ALL WONDERING WHERE DID WE GO WRONG.

OH, SURE, SANTA’S STILL THERE WITH HIS REINDEER AND ELVES

BUT AS THE WHOS SNOOZED THEY LOST PART OF THEMSELVES.

WITH CHRIST GONE FROM CHRISTMAS THE SPIRIT LEFT, TOO

AND LEFT A BIG, GAPING HOLE IN EACH SOUL IN EACH WHO.

AND WHAT OF THE GRINCH, NO, HE, STILL IS UNHAPPY

BUT IT MAKES HIM FEEL BETTER NOW THAT EVERYONE’S CRAPPY.

SO, NOW CHRISTMAS TIME’S JUST A MEM’RY FOR WHOS

WHO LET IT ALL GO TO THE ACLU’S.

by

Steve Mitton

With apologies to Dr. Seuss

www.stevesradio.com


29 posted on 12/11/2009 5:50:01 AM PST by 47samurai (The last real conservative)
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To: Lucky9teen
.... and aren't we all glad!

30 posted on 12/11/2009 5:55:16 AM PST by Izzy Dunne (Hello, I'm a TAGLINE virus. Please help me spread by copying me into YOUR tag line.)
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To: Lucky9teen
.... Have you ever see a good stiff drink?

31 posted on 12/11/2009 5:56:52 AM PST by Izzy Dunne (Hello, I'm a TAGLINE virus. Please help me spread by copying me into YOUR tag line.)
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To: Lucky9teen

32 posted on 12/11/2009 5:58:54 AM PST by Izzy Dunne (Hello, I'm a TAGLINE virus. Please help me spread by copying me into YOUR tag line.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Dumb Idea of the Day:

Texting --> Distracted Driver --> Collision --> Air Bag Deployment --> Keypad in sinus cavity

33 posted on 12/11/2009 6:03:13 AM PST by Izzy Dunne (Hello, I'm a TAGLINE virus. Please help me spread by copying me into YOUR tag line.)
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To: Lucky9teen
They know me too well

You Are a Fruitcake!
You taste like nothing else in this world.
And get ready, you're about to get tossed!
What Crappy Christmas Gift Are You?
Blogthings: Quizzes and Tests and Memes, Oh My!

34 posted on 12/11/2009 6:13:18 AM PST by fredhead (Liberals think globally, reason rectally, act idiotically.)
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To: Izzy Dunne

It needs more (jingling) cowbell!!!


35 posted on 12/11/2009 6:15:09 AM PST by fredhead (Liberals think globally, reason rectally, act idiotically.)
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To: Lucky9teen

36 posted on 12/11/2009 6:18:53 AM PST by John O (God Save America (Please))
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To: Lucky9teen

IN!!!


37 posted on 12/11/2009 6:23:28 AM PST by Monkey Face (I wear a yellow ribbon for ForgotenKnight my army hero and Anoreth warrior goddess of the Coast)
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To: paulycy

Your picture of Obama as Santa with a GREEN face perfectly expresses just who he is. I’d love to see that on a billboard.


38 posted on 12/11/2009 6:34:42 AM PST by kitkat
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To: Izzy Dunne
Snowmizer, Walken In A Winter Wonderland.
39 posted on 12/11/2009 6:52:36 AM PST by mylife (The Roar Of The Masses Could Be Farts)
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To: Lucky9teen

Walkin’ Round in Women’s Underwear

Lacy things — the wife is missin’,
Didn’t ask — her permission,
I’m wearin’ her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin’ ‘round in women’s underwear.

In the store — there’s a teddy,
Little straps — like spaghetti,
It holds me so tight,
Like handcuffs at night,
Walkin’ ‘round in women’s underwear.

In the office there’s a guy named Melvin,
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.
He’ll say, “Are you ready?” I’ll say,”Whoa, Man!”
“Let’s wait until our wives are out of town!”

Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress — like Madonna,
Put on some eyeshade,
And join the parade,
Walkin’ ‘round in women’s underwear!

Lacy things... missin’,
Didn’t ask... permission,
Wearin’ her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin’ ‘round in women’s underwear,
Walkin’ ‘round in women’s underwear,
Walkin’ ‘round in women’s underwear!


40 posted on 12/11/2009 6:52:44 AM PST by Responsibility2nd (Ack, is that the site with "Responsibility2nd"? Some weirdo. ...)
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