Never grab a Tiger by his tailpipe.
Whats the difference between Bill Clinton and Tiger Woods-? Tiger doesn’t cheat at golf-!
Apparently the police asked Tiger’s wife how many times she hit him. She said “I don’t know exactly, but put me down for a 5.”
Why did Phil Mickelson call Elin yesterday? To pick up some tips on how to beat Tiger.
What is the penalty for getting it in the wrong hole? Ask Tiger, he knows.
Nike wants to drop their endorsement due to accuracy problems. Apparently, Tiger’s spraying his balls everywhere.
Why was Tiger’s wife mad at him? She heard that he played a-round in Australia.
What will the headline be if they prove it is domestic violence? TIGER’S WIFE MAKES THE CUT
Elin Woods has a twin sister named Josephine. Know how to tell them apart? Elin is the one holding the bent 5 iron.
Cheetah Woods
The more serious observer will just consider him a fraud that can play golf exceptioanally well.
bookmark
Why did Tiger hire Jaimee Grubbs to be his golf instructor?
He wanted her to help straighten out his putts.
I was going to golf with Tiger, but he already had a four-some.
GatorAid should come out w/a new color of sweat or SNL spoof how much sweat comes out of him while he does a new pre-nup. Too bad I can’t photo shop that one.
Tiger’s wife set a record. The first time she swung a golf club she went to first on the money list.
Puting the Wood to ‘em takes on a whole new meaning.
Golf Rules by Tiger Woods
#1 - Before you ‘hit it’, make sure you’re playing the correct course.
#2 - Be careful who you let handle your balls.
#3 - Don’t ever play the wrong hole.
#4 - Sometimes it’s best to leave the ‘driver’ in the bag.
#5 - Individual stroke play is usually the better choice.
#6 - It takes more then an improved thought process to correct problems with a hooker
#7 - When your balls go out of bounds, expect painful penalty shots
#8 - Be careful!! Stiff shafts can lead to erratic play which then leads to poor decision making.
#9 - Never brag about a ‘good score’. It may come back to haunt you.
#10-The importance of a good lie can not be underestimated.
Gong til later
What’s Elin’s favorite magazine?
Tiger Beat
“Sir, this is OnStar, are you alright?”
“No! I just friggin’ crashed my car! My friggin’ wife is chasing me with my friggin’ 9 iron. She wants to friggin’ knock my head off because I friggin’ cheated on her with some friggin’ cocktail waitress!!!”
“Don’t worry Sir, help is on the way. Just play unconcious, don’t talk to the cops and we’ll have Kobe’s Lawyer on the line with you within a few minutes..”