~~~~ThE oFfIcIaL fRiDaY sIlLiNeSs ThReAd~~~~

http://thereifixedit.com ^

[Lucky9teen]

There........I fixed it for ya....



Sure beats that little donut that comes with the car...


Ain't getting in there...nope


No wonder electricians get paid so much...


I'd like to hear their excuse after the cops pull them over...


Hey, if it works...


Who does this and thinks it's safe?


Again, who does this and thinks it's safe?


Ooh, Pretty


no comment


Care for a ride?


So....there's more than one use for those containers, eh?


What a great way to recycle baby bottles. Smoke em if ya got em...


Nice porch.


While grounded in concern, I feel your criticism is insulated from the realities of the field. I’m sure the load was line balanced and work conducted in a positive manner. No reason to get short. I see no reason to be alternating from their current policies. Or somesuch.


Flavored exhaust...


Meats On!!


Way to cut emissions, no?


I've actually done this....do you know how expensive those little plastic bars are to replace?


Nice shirt Now does your boyfriend know where his boxers are?

[CSM]

Good ones.

[LongElegantLegs]

A classic.

[OB1kNOb]

TELL IT LIKE IT IS BABY!! HOPE AND CHANGE !!!

[Snoopy88]

Guess what? I got this car for HALF OFF. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Tainan]

A cowboy from Texas attends a social function where Barack Obama is trying to gather more support for his Health Plan. Once he discovers the cowboy is from President Bushs' home area, he starts to belittle him by talking in a southern drawl and single syllable words.
As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The cowboy says, "Y'all havin' some problem with them circle flies?"
Obama stopped talking and said, "Well, yes, if that's what they're called, but I've never heard of circle flies."
"Well Sir," the cowboy replies, "circle flies hang around ranches. They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."
"Oh," Obama replies as he goes back to rambling. But, a moment later he stops and bluntly asks, "Wait a minute, are you calling me a horse's ass?"
"No, Sir," the cowboy replies, "I have too much respect for the citizens of this country to call their President a horses' ass."
"That's a good thing," Obama responds and begins rambling on once more.

After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says, "Hard to fool them flies, though."

[red-dawg]

Think this bridge will hold it?

[sunny48]

Two mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat’s milk. The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos. They start reminiscing.
“This is my oldest son, Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now.”
“Yes, I remember him as a baby,” says the other mother cheerfully.
“He’s a martyr now, though,” mum confides.
“Oh, so sad, dear,” says the other.
And this is my second son, Kalid. He would be 21.”
“Oh, I remember him,” says the other happily. “He had such curly hair when he was born.”
“He’s a martyr too,” says mum quietly.
“Oh, gracious me,” says the other.
“And this is my third son, my baby, my beautiful Ahmed. He would be 18,” she whispers.
“Yes,” says the friend enthusiastically, “I remember when he first started school.”
“He’s a martyr also,” says mum, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says,
“They blow up so fast, don’t they?”

[sunny48]

Sorry for the short notice, but I have four extra tickets for the Robbie Knievel (son of Evil Knievel) Event at the Texas State Fair Grounds this weekend in Dallas, if anybody wants them.
Robbie is going to try to jump over 1,000 Obama supporters with a Caterpillar D-9 bulldozer.
Should be a good time.

[ShadowAce]

[sunny48]

The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, ‘This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?’ The boss told her he knew he’d closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question..

As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up... He then understood his assistant’s question about his ‘garage door..’

He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, ‘When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?’

She smiled and said, ‘No, I didn’t. All I saw was an old mini van with two flat tires..

[sunny48]

An elderly gentleman.....
Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, ‘Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.’
The gentleman replied, ‘Oh, I haven’t told my family yet.
I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!’

[paulycy]

;0)

[sunny48]

Morris , an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, ‘You’re really doing great, aren’t you?’
Morris replied, ‘Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.’’
The doctor said, ‘I didn’t say that.. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful.’

[B-Chan]

[Lady Jag]

I fixed it for you.



but you're gonna need earplugs.

[stentorian conservative]

[stentorian conservative]

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. ‘You all have obsessions,’ he observed.

To the first mother, April, he said, ‘You are obsessed with eating.
You’ve even named your daughter Candy.’

He turned to the second mom, Jenny: ‘Your obsession is with money.
Again, it manifests itself in your child’s name, Penny.’

He turned to the third mom, Erica: ‘Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child’s name, Brandy..’

At this point, the fourth mother, Emily, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, ‘Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he’s talking about. Let’s go pick up Peter and Willy from school and get dinner.

[a fool in paradise]

[OB1kNOb]

A professor at the University of Berkley was giving a lecture on the supernatural.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, ‘How many people here believe in ghosts?’

About 90 students raise their hands!

‘Well, that’s a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?’

About 40 students raise their hands.

‘That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?’

About 15 students raise their hand.

‘Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?’

Three students raise their hands.

‘That’s fantastic . Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?’

Way in the back, Mohhamed raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses, and says ‘Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.’

Mohhamed replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.

When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, ‘So, Mohhamed, tell us what it’s like to have sex with a ghost?’

Mohhamed replied, ‘Shiite!! From way back there I thought you said Goats......

[Cyber Ninja]