Biscuits injuring millions of Britons

metro.co.uk ^ | September 7, 2009 | Staff

[Wardenclyffe]

Oh crumbs – it seems up to half of all Britons have been injured... by a humble biscuit.

Flying fragments and daredevil dunking in scalding tea have all led to millions suffering at the hands of their favourite snack, according to fun research.

Among the more unusual – and daft – injuries are a man who poked himself in the eye with a biscuit and people who have fallen off chairs while reaching for a tea-time treat.

One biscuit in particular was ruled more dangerous than the rest – the custard cream, which received a risk rating of 5.63 by research company Mindlab using the newly invented Biscuit Injury Threat Evaluation (Bite).

This compares with just 1.16 for the safe Jaffa Cake.

[Wardenclyffe]

[ClearCase_guy]

daredevil dunking in scalding tea

Sure. Go ahead. Blame the biscuit.

[llevrok]

biscuits there are cookies here, IIRC?

[JoeProBono]

[cc2k]

For the record, a British to (American) English translation is needed here:

Biscuit (British) = Cookie (American English)

[NRA1995]

Somehow it’s Bush’s fault....when biscuits are outlawed only outlaws will have biscuits

[La Lydia]

Alternate headline: “Brits find novel ways to injure themselves with biscuits.”

[ßuddaßudd]

These Brits have waaay to much time for all these researches and studies,,, about nothing useful.

[MozarkDawg]

Same difference many of us call the treats we give our dogs cookies when the package calls them biscuits.

[KarlInOhio]

And they haven’t even gotten to British chocolates like the crunchy frog and the spring surprise.

[mysterio]

I understand that tea biscuits are cookies. However, when I saw "injured by a biscuit, I thought :



I can see how that might injure you. Or the insides of your arteries, at least, lol.

Wow, do I ever want some biscuits and gravy.

[Joe 6-pack]

Biscuits are a known cause of strabismus in dogs...

[andy58-in-nh]

I wouldn't worry about it much: in roughly 10 years, all such snack crackers and cookies will be banned in Britain because they contain animal fat and are not halal, thus offending Muslims, who truth be told, don't much care for English tea, either.

[peeps36]

Beware of the menacing biscuit and ignore the dangers being created by the liberal weaklings in the government.

[nuconvert]

LoL

[supremedoctrine]

Biscuits and gravy keep me awake on a nearly cross country drive by myself in my van when we moved to AZ in 1982; every roadside diner/rest stop had ‘em, and every hundred fifty miles I’d get ‘em; they were all I needed to revive my digestive process, which kept me awake 20+ hours on the final leg of the trip.

[Larry Lucido]

“They say that in the Army, the biscuits are mighty fine.
One rolled off the table and killed a friend of mine.”

[firebrand]

The Brits are lucky. With Italian cookies, you have to be careful one doesn’t fall on your head.

[GulchBound]

It's those blasted Girl Scouts. Since the Brits are going to ban pen knives for Boy Scouts, they need to also ban those dangerous Girl Scout cookies. They could be thrown, someone could choke on them, they are sometimes hard or pointy...

Soon the Brits will all be sitting naked in a circle of soft sand, wondering where their next meal will come from and how they will eat it if it comes.

[Daffynition]

Looks like a poster boy for International Dog Biscuit Day.