Posted on 09/04/2009 8:17:40 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Sept 4th is Newspaper Carrier Day
"I want my $2 dollars!!
Sept 5 is Be Late for Something Day
Or Cheese Pizza Day
Sept 6th is Fight Procrastination Day
Or Read a Book Day
And of course, Sept 7th is Labor Day
ENJOY!!!!
Ib4TP
I was gettin worried
Woooo!
IB4TP
Glad you’re open, it’s been a tough week.
ON with the silliness!
TOP TEN INDICATORS THAT YOUR EMPLOYER HAS CHANGED TO OBAMACARE
(10) Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.
(9) Directions to your doctor’s office include “Take a left when you
enter the trailer park.”
(8) The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.
(7) The only proctologist in the plan is “Gus” from Roto-Rooter.
(6) The only item listed under Preventive Care Coverage is “an apple a day..”
(5) Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.
(4) The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges,” is not a typographical error.
(3) The only expense covered 100% is “embalming.”
(2) Your Prozac comes in different colors with little M’s on them.
AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU’VE JOINED OBAMACARE:
(1) You ask for Viagra and they give you a Popsicle stick and Duct Tape
IBTP! Thanks for hosting the thread again!
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, he sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.
The woman’s husband also comes home.
She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, ‘Dark in here.’
The man says, ‘Yes, it is.’
Boy: ‘I have a baseball.’
Man: ‘That’s nice’
Boy: ‘Want to buy it?’
Man: ‘No, thanks.’
Boy: ‘My Dad’s outside.’
Man: ‘OK, how much?’
Boy: ‘$250’
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy: ‘Dark in here.’
Man: ‘Yes, it is.’
Boy: ‘I have a baseball glove.’
The lover, remembering the last time,
asks the boy, How much?’
Boy: ‘$750’
Man: ‘Sold.’
A few days later, the Dad says to the boy, ‘Grab your glove, let’s go outside and have a game of catch.’
The boy says, ‘I can’t, I sold my baseball and my glove.’
The Dad asks, ‘How much did you sell them for?’
Boy: ‘$1,000’
The Dad says, ‘That’s terrible to over charge your friends like that.....that is way more than those two things cost. I’m taking you to church, to confession.’
They go to the church and the Dad makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door..
The boy says, ‘Dark in here.’
The priest says, ‘Don’t start that sh*t again; you’re in my closet now.’
Howdy Doody!
I was trying to forget... ;P
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company’s
party..Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn’t taste like
alcohol at all. He didn’t even remember how he got home from the party.
As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he
sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.
And, next to them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees his
clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order,
spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye
staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note
hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a
kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:
‘Honey, breakfast is on the stove,I left early to get groceries to
make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian’
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast,
steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper.
His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, ‘Son,
what happened last night?’
‘Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind you fell
over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got
that black eye when you ran into the door.’
Confused, he asked his son,
‘So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a
rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??’
His son replies,
‘Oh THAT... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take
your pants off, you screamed, ‘Leave me alone bitch, I’m married!!’
Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time:
PRICELESS !
LOLOL!!!! Excellent! That’s a list you won’t see on Letterman!
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