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The 15 Creepiest Vintage Ads Of All Time
Retro Comedy ^
| Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Posted on 07/31/2009 6:30:47 AM PDT by the_devils_advocate_666
What do murder, pedophilia, suicide and a baby tiger have in common? They have all been used to sell stuff in these amazingly disturbing vintage ads!
These are real, untouched advertisements from the good old days. It doesn't matter if it's lovely ladies or adorable clowns, somehow these old-time ad wizards found ways to traumatize us while pedaling everyday products.
Enjoy them now, call your therapist later!
15. White Bread Demon
"Bread is swell, but what I'm really excited about is eating jelly made from the blood of the innocent!"
14. French Suicide Sausage
It's enough to make you want to eat Kosher forever.
13. A Girl Around The House
It's nice to have a girl around the house... especially if you are a psychopath serial killer who makes women into rugs!
12. Chubby
Who needs self-esteem when you can have a free fashion book for chubbies? Also, proving that advertising weight representation has always been screwed up, the girl pictured is totally not chubby.
11. Christmas Weapons
The family that guns together, has funs together.
10. Eye patch. Shirt. Baby Tiger.
Sexy?
9. Chase & Sandborn Spanking
She totally deserves it. Seriously, what kind of woman doesn't "store test" for fresher coffee?
8. Fry's Chocolate Nightmare
Nothing wants to make consumers buy chocolate more than 5 faces of a sickly kid looking 5 different shades of miserable.
7. Root Beer Baby!
Mama, please DO NOT give your baby another glass of Root Beer. It is clearly doing something horrible to him. He is terrifying.
6. Locked Out
You better wash out your privates with Lysol, or your husband will install cartoon locks on the door.
5. Pears Soap Disaster
"Pears Soap- now with such a soothing lather, you won't notice that your baby has gotten into a horrible accident!"
4. Postage Meter Murder
"Is it always illegal to kill a woman?" This is a truly important question and makes us want to buy a new postage meter.
3. Shave Yourself
The old man baby's gonna sing karaoke into a razor! Hooray!
2. Baby Soft
JonBenét Ramsey, eat your heart out. (Too soon?) This ad makes us want to scream, gouge out our eyes and then barf.
1. Chocolate Poulain
Drink that cocoa, or this clown will murder you in your sleep.
Special thanks to Weirdomatic, Livejournal & the fabulous Plan 59 !
TOPICS: History; Humor; Society; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: ads; advertising; creepy; disturbing; old; strange
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Almost a month old but I didn't see it posted (search) and thought it would be a good Friday type of thread.
To: the_devils_advocate_666
2
posted on
07/31/2009 6:34:14 AM PDT
by
Former Proud Canadian
(How do I change my screen name now that we have the most conservative government in the world?)
To: the_devils_advocate_666
BUMP!
I am a BIG fan of Plan 59!
3
posted on
07/31/2009 6:35:00 AM PDT
by
Constitution Day
(Eschew exclamatory abuse.)
To: the_devils_advocate_666
WOW.....Just damn!
4
posted on
07/31/2009 6:35:02 AM PDT
by
gimme1ibertee
(Time to CLEAN HOUSE (AND Senate!!!) Kick their butts to the curb!!)
To: the_devils_advocate_666
5
posted on
07/31/2009 6:35:35 AM PDT
by
petercooper
(GOP: Big Tent Party??? Not if you are a CONSERVATIVE.)
To: the_devils_advocate_666
Some of those made me gasp — were they acceptable in society then? To show a man spanking his wife? A baby holding a razor? A tiger rug with a woman’s head and a man’s foot on it?
Woah
To: the_devils_advocate_666
LOL! The #11 to #10 sequence makes sense.
7
posted on
07/31/2009 6:38:46 AM PDT
by
ScottinVA
Comment #8 Removed by Moderator
To: the_devils_advocate_666
9
posted on
07/31/2009 6:39:19 AM PDT
by
Notary Sojac
(I quit voting for RINOs when the GOP gave us Bob Dole. Have not voted for one since...)
To: Slings and Arrows
10
posted on
07/31/2009 6:39:55 AM PDT
by
KoRn
(Department of Homeland Security, Certified - "Right Wing Extremist")
To: the_devils_advocate_666
OMG that Love’s Baby Soft ad! And the baby under the tub! WTH??
11
posted on
07/31/2009 6:40:28 AM PDT
by
retrokitten
(I want to rock your gypsy soul just like way back in the days of old...- Into the Mystic)
To: the_devils_advocate_666
12
posted on
07/31/2009 6:41:23 AM PDT
by
maggief
To: SoftballMominVA
Some of those made me gasp were they acceptable in society then? To show a man spanking his wife?Why even bother to have a wife if you can't spank her?
13
posted on
07/31/2009 6:41:41 AM PDT
by
End Times Sentinel
(In Memory of my Dear Friend Henry Lee II)
To: the_devils_advocate_666
Absolutely nothing wrong with this ad:
14
posted on
07/31/2009 6:41:59 AM PDT
by
Red in Blue PA
(If guns cause crime, then all of mine are defective!)
To: the_devils_advocate_666
To: SoftballMominVA
I know! “Is it always illegal to kill a woman?” WTH????
16
posted on
07/31/2009 6:42:57 AM PDT
by
retrokitten
(I want to rock your gypsy soul just like way back in the days of old...- Into the Mystic)
To: the_devils_advocate_666
I don’t think the root beer ad is that bad.
17
posted on
07/31/2009 6:43:12 AM PDT
by
nuconvert
( Khomeini promised change too // Hail, Chairman O)
To: SoftballMominVA
I used to have a copy of the Chase and Sanborn "Store Test" ad hanging on my bulletin board at work, but the HR weenies made me take it down. They just don't understand irony...
18
posted on
07/31/2009 6:44:38 AM PDT
by
bondjamesbond
(Don't blame me... I voted for PALIN!)
To: the_devils_advocate_666
Okay, I'll bite.
14, 13, 8, 5, 2, and 1 are disturbing or just bizarre...especially #'s 2 and 13, but the rest are just consistent with feelings at the time they were published.
- How many times did Rick Ricardo spank Lucy?
- The chubby section was where I did pretty much all of my shopping when I was a kid, it was considered an inoffensive way of alluding to fat kids.
- What's wrong with a BB gun? Daisy used to be one of the most respected trademarks in America.
It is unfair to judge old ads by today's standards.
As for the foreign ads, well...there's no accounting for foreigners.
19
posted on
07/31/2009 6:46:32 AM PDT
by
Sudetenland
(Without God there is no freedom, for what rights man can give, he can take away.)
To: SoftballMominVA
You have to read the fine print to appreciate this #6. Click on the image to get a larger view (I couldn’t seem to get it to post here).
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