Posted on 05/29/2009 6:04:22 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
ROFTL! I liked it. :)
Don't look at her shoes.
http://englishrussia.com/?p=2797#more-2797
Here's a fan of the DU women.
LMAO!! Funny photo.
Created by Recipe Star
Created by Recipe Star
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
4. Sex is like air. It’s not important unless you aren’t getting any.
5. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
6. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
7. Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
9. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
10. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
11. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
12. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
13. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
14. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.
15. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
16. Don’t squat with your spurs on.
17. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
18. If you drink, don’t park; accidents cause people.
19. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
20. Don’t worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
21. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
22. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
23. Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
24. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
25. Duct tape is like ‘the force’. It has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
26. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
27. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your mouth is moving.
28. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
29. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
30. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who to invade next when his telephone rang.
“Hallo! Mr. Hussein,” a heavily-accented voice said. “This is Paddy down in County Cavan, Ireland. We are at the pub and we’ve had a few. Now, I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!”
“Well, Paddy,” Saddam replied, “This is indeed important news! Tell me, how big is your army?”
“At this moment in time,” said Paddy after a moment’s calculation, “There is myself, my cousin Sean, my next-door neighbor Gerry, and the entire dominoes team from the pub — that makes 8!”
Saddam sighed. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.”
“Begorra!”, said Paddy, “I’ll have to ring you back!”
Sure enough, the next day Paddy rang back. “Right, Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!”
“And what equipment would that be, Paddy?” Saddam asked.
“Well, we have 2 combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Murphy’s tractor from the farm.”
Once more Saddam sighed. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16 thousand tanks, 14 thousand armored personnel carriers, and my army has increased to one and a half million since we last spoke.”
“Really?” said Paddy, “I’ll have to ring you back!”
Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. “Right, Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We’ve modified Ted’s ultralight with a couple of rifles in the cockpit and the bridge team has joined us as well!”
Saddam was silent for a minute, then sighed. “I must tell you Paddy that I have 10 thousand bombers, 20 thousand MIG-19 attack planes, my military complex is surrounded by laser-guided surface-to-air missile sites, and since we last spoke, my army has increased to two million.”
“Faith and begorra!” said Paddy, “I’ll have to ring you back.”
Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. “Right, Mr. Hussein, I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war.”
“I’m sorry to hear that” said Saddam. “Why the sudden change of heart?”
“Well,” said Paddy, “We’ve all had a chat, and there’s no way we can feed two million prisoners.”
I’m late. Wow, comment #2 removed by mod !!!
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.
She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
The man seemed more amused.
When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court.
The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
The man replied, “Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn’t help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, ‘The Double Mint Twins are Comin’ and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, ‘ Logan ‘s Liniment will reduce the swelling’, and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, ‘’William’s Big Stick Did the Trick’, and I could hardly contain myself. BUT, your Honor, when She moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, ‘Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident’.. I just lost it.”
“CASE DISMISSED!!”
I LOVES bacon!
Created by Recipe Star
Or give the ‘Bloviating Windbag’ more ammo.
Wow, I'd love to find a place that serves that!
0bama’s revised, hope-n-change approved national anthem:
Oh say can you see, by 0bama’s halo’s light,
What so humbly he bowed to the Saudi king’s might
His socialist agenda, through the overseas contingencies,
To our enemies’ whims, was so cowardly surrendering
Qassam rockets’ red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Made dear leader so proud that Hamas was still there
Oh say does 0bama the chosen one rule
Over the land of the theives
And the home of the knaves
Two mornings ago, we had our epiphany.......first brekkies ever at Waffle House (Destin beach); complete with fully tattooed "waitress" - wrist to shoulder visible, ink appeared to run clear through the nursing station.
We're now seeking something called "Wat A Burger" as a less radical alternative......sigh
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