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The epitome of wordliness (Dave Barry)
Miami Herald ^
Posted on 03/22/2009 11:34:07 AM PDT by nuconvert
(This classic Dave Barry column was originally published Nov. 28, 2004.)
It is time for another rendition of "Ask Mister Language Person, " the only grammar column approved for internal use by the Food and Drug Administration; the grammar column that puts the "dip" in "diphthong," the "vern" in "vernacular," and the "dang" in "dangling participle."
Today we shall commence right at the outset by starting with our first question, which concerns vocabulary:
Q. What does "decimate" mean?
A. This often-misunderstood word is an anterior cruciate predicate that should be used in conjugal phrases, as follows:
"Noreen was totally decimated when she found Vern wearing her good pantyhose."
(Excerpt) Read more at miamiherald.com ...
TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: barry; davebarry; misterlanguageperson
1
posted on
03/22/2009 11:34:07 AM PDT
by
nuconvert
To: Boxsford; Irish Rose; Ditter; kitkat; Pan_Yans Wife; maryz; Ultra Sonic 007; traviskicks; Bob; ...
2
posted on
03/22/2009 11:35:14 AM PDT
by
nuconvert
( Khomeini promised change too // Hail, Chairman O)
To: nuconvert
Q. What is the best true headline ever to appear in an actual newspaper?A. In our opinion, that would be a headline from the Petersburg (Va.) Progressive-Index, over a story about a mishap during the 2001 Bike Week gathering of motorcyclists in Florida. The headline, which was sent to us by alert reader Mary Ellen Lloyd, says: "Skydiver lands on beer vendor at women's cole-slaw wrestling event."
Cheers!
3
posted on
03/22/2009 11:39:21 AM PDT
by
grey_whiskers
(The opinions are solely those of the author and are subject to change without notice.)
To: grey_whiskers
4
posted on
03/22/2009 11:40:13 AM PDT
by
nuconvert
( Khomeini promised change too // Hail, Chairman O)
To: nuconvert
5
posted on
03/22/2009 12:04:30 PM PDT
by
bill1952
(Power is an illusion created between those with power - and those without)
To: bill1952
Not fmailiar with “Ask Mister Language Person” ?
6
posted on
03/22/2009 12:46:02 PM PDT
by
nuconvert
( Khomeini promised change too // Hail, Chairman O)
To: nuconvert
7
posted on
03/22/2009 12:48:57 PM PDT
by
bill1952
(Power is an illusion created between those with power - and those without)
To: bill1952
sorry about the typo.
I guess you aren’t familiar with Dave Barry’s, “Ask Mr. Language Person”
It’s humor. And Dave’s fans really like it.
8
posted on
03/22/2009 12:54:13 PM PDT
by
nuconvert
( Khomeini promised change too // Hail, Chairman O)
To: Slings and Arrows
Right up your alley. Enjoy!
9
posted on
03/22/2009 3:10:11 PM PDT
by
Titan Magroyne
("Drill now drill hard drill often and give old Gaia a cigarette afterwards she deserves it." HerrBlu)
To: Titan Magroyne; MeekOneGOP; Conspiracy Guy; DocRock; King Prout; Darksheare; OSHA; martin_fierro; ..
With all due respect, a Mr Language Person ping!
10
posted on
03/22/2009 3:21:22 PM PDT
by
Slings and Arrows
(Can't get enough of my snarking? http://twitter.com/slingsandarrows)
To: Slings and Arrows
Mister Language Person says....
11
posted on
03/22/2009 3:58:27 PM PDT
by
Daffynition
("Beauty is in the sty of the beholder." ~ Joe 6-pack)
To: Slings and Arrows; Revolting cat!
This thread needs more pictures of cunning linguists and thespians!
12
posted on
03/23/2009 8:21:36 AM PDT
by
a fool in paradise
("I certainly hope he (Bush) doesnÂ’t succeed" - Democratic strategist James Carville 9-11-2001)
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