Why did the chicken cross the road?
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change ! The chicken wanted change!
JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
SARAH PALIN: That road the liberal media claim that chicken crossed? Well that is the Road to Nowhere, and I told Congress. Thanks but no thanks to that. So there isn’t any road for that chicken to cross and any reporter who says otherwise ought to be fired.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One! that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road.. But then, this really isn’t about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here
DICK CHENEY: Where’s my gun?
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty ! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die . In the rain. Alone.
JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can’t you people see the plain truth? That’s why they call it the ‘other side.’ Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like ‘the other side.’ That chicken should not be crossing the road. It’s as plain and as simple as that.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a seri ous case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
Bimp to the top.
St Peter asks him.. "What did you do, in your time on earth to help a fellow human being"?
The man answers: "Well, there was this band of bikers accosting a young lady, I snatched her away from them.. I ripped off their leaders nose ring, punched him in the jaw, kicked over his motorcycle, and told them.. "If any of you want this woman, you're going to have to come through me first!"
St Peter replied:"Wow, I'm impressed, when did this happen?"
Man: "Oh, just about 5 minutes ago!"
HAPPY FRIDAY!!!
LOL, thanks! I’ll be waiting for my puppy and my rainbow. ;-)
Barrack Obama, Michelle Obama and Oprah Winfrey were flying on
Obama’s private plane. Obama looked at Oprah, chuckled and said, ‘You know,
I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make
somebody very happy
Oprah shrugged her shoulders and replied, ‘I could throw ten
$100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy.
Michelle added, That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10
bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy.’
Hearing their exchange the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his
co-pilot, Such big-shots back there. I could throw all of their butts out of
the window and make 56 million people very happy.’
Bring back the horizontal hold knob!
Jane was talking to a friend’s little girl, and she said she wanted to be President some day.
Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so Jane asked her, ‘If you were to be the President, what is the first thing you would do?’
She replied, ‘I’d give food and houses to all the homeless people.’
‘Wow - what a worthy goal.’ Jane told her, ‘You don’t have to wait until you’re President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow, pull weeds, and sweep my sidewalks and driveway, and I’ll pay you $50. Then I’ll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food or a new house.’
While her Mom glared at Jane, she looked Jane straight in the eye and asked, ‘Why doesn’t the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?’
And Jane said, ‘Welcome to the Republican Party.’
and 2063 years later, more or less, what have we learned?
“The budget should be balanced. The treasury should be refilled.
Public debt should be reduced. The arrogance of officialdom should be
tempered and controled. Assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed
lest Rome become bankrupt. Instead of living on public assistance,
people must learn to work.”
Cicero, 55BC
Elderly Road Trip
While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn’t miss them until they had been driving about forty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses. All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn’t let up one minute. To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car, and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, ‘While you’re in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card.’
