Posted on 11/14/2008 4:42:45 AM PST by Lucky9teen
In honor of Loosen Up, Lighten Up Day, let's look at a few of the more than three hundred up phrasings Merriam-Webster managed to collect. Those terms range from act up to bottoms up to (of course) loosen up and lighten up, to thumbs up and walk up. We're up to our neck in up words, and we'll tell you right up front that we've only got time for two up terms.
A defendant up on serious charges whose alibi is not up to snuff might find him- or herself sent up the river. Where is up the river from? That term meaning "jail" comes from New York's notorious Sing Sing prison, located in Ossining, up the river from New York City.
As for up to snuff: it's a dead end to assume the snuff in that phrase originates in the slangy snuff meaning "execute; extinguish." Something is said to be up to snuff when it meets an applicable standard or is considered to be of sufficient quality. What sort of snuff serves as such a benchmark? The snuff in up to snuff refers to the pulverized tobacco variously inhaled, chewed, or placed against the gums. Lexicographers don't know how this up to snuff metaphor developed, but it may have something to do with a high status once associated with snuff. Nuff said.
Count the “F’s” in the following text:
FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE-
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF-
IC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE
EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...
(see below)
Scroll down only after you have counted them, okay?
How many did you count? 3?
Wrong, there are 6! Read it again. The brain cannot process “OF” - incredible or what? Supposedly anyone who counts all 6 “F’s” on the first go is a genius. Three is normal, four is quite rare.
LOL, thanks! I’ll be waiting for my puppy and my rainbow. ;-)
Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.
The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, and the fourth man was a Government Employee.
To show off, the Engineer called his cat, ‘T-square, do your stuff.’
T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, ‘Spreadsheet, do your stuff.’
Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies.
Everyone agreed that was good.
But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, ‘Measure, do your stuff.’
Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured
exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.
Everyone agreed that was pretty good.
Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, ‘What can your cat do?’
The Government Employee called his cat and said, ‘CoffeeBreak, do your stuff.’
CoffeeBreak jumped to his feet.......
ate the cookies........
drank the milk.......
sh*t on the paper.......
screwed the other three cats.......
claimed he injured his back while doing so.......
filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions.......
put in for Workers Compensation...............and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave............
AND THAT, MY FRIEND IS WHY EVERYONE WANT’S TO WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT!!
Uhhhh . . .
What if I only saw one?
!!!!
Barrack Obama, Michelle Obama and Oprah Winfrey were flying on
Obama’s private plane. Obama looked at Oprah, chuckled and said, ‘You know,
I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make
somebody very happy
Oprah shrugged her shoulders and replied, ‘I could throw ten
$100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy.
Michelle added, That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10
bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy.’
Hearing their exchange the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his
co-pilot, Such big-shots back there. I could throw all of their butts out of
the window and make 56 million people very happy.’
Toward the end of Sunday service, the minister asked his congregation, “How many of you have forgiven your enemies?”
A full 80% of those in attendance held up their hands.
The minister then repeated his question.
With the exception of one small, elderly lady, everyone’s hand went up.
“Mrs. Neely, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?”
“I don’t have any,” she replied, smiling sweetly.
“That’s very unusual,” the minister replied. “How old are you, Mrs. Neely?”
“Ninety-eight,” she replied.
“Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?”
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said:
“I outlived the B****es.
Bring back the horizontal hold knob!
Jane was talking to a friend’s little girl, and she said she wanted to be President some day.
Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so Jane asked her, ‘If you were to be the President, what is the first thing you would do?’
She replied, ‘I’d give food and houses to all the homeless people.’
‘Wow - what a worthy goal.’ Jane told her, ‘You don’t have to wait until you’re President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow, pull weeds, and sweep my sidewalks and driveway, and I’ll pay you $50. Then I’ll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food or a new house.’
While her Mom glared at Jane, she looked Jane straight in the eye and asked, ‘Why doesn’t the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?’
And Jane said, ‘Welcome to the Republican Party.’
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