Skip to comments.
****The Official Friday Silliness Thread****
Posted on 10/24/2008 6:19:27 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
The 10 Most Disappointing Treats for Trick-or-Treaters
On Halloween night, some houses struggle with the idea of candy. There are good houses, and there are bad houses. The best trick-or-treaters know to avoid the latter. At the food site Serious Eats, we all love Halloween, but wish certain homes would just stop handing out the classically bad "treats." They weren't good last year, the year before that, or now. Our own Erin Zimmer put together this list of our top 10 Halloween treats that nobody wants...
|
Toothbrushes
Dentists and orthodontists should not be allowed to celebrate Halloween if they're going to get all tooth doctory on us. Do not bring your work home with you, folks! We all have a personal responsibility to brush, and maybe some of us will forget, but your complimentary bristles on a stick (instead of a Snickers) will not help us remember. It will make us despise you and your trade. |
Raisins
Little boxes of stuck-together shriveled globs are not what little kids schlep around the neighborhood for all night. When they say trick-or-treat, they want candy that will rot their teeth, not wrinkled grapes. (Using an empty box as a kazoo-like instrument, though, is kinda fun.) |
|
|
Candy Corn
The most polarizing candy of all. The fruitcake of Halloween; it just never goes away. If you love them, fine. But don't subject the rest of us haters to the sickeningly sweet triangle that tastes like neither candy nor corn. |
Smarties and Necco Wafers
These chalky candies are supposedly "fruit-flavored," but no fruit I know tastes like dust -- and makes everything eaten after taste like dust, too. |
|
|
Dum Dum Lollipops
Usually, foods on a stick are yummy (corn dogs, ice pops), but Dum Dums just can't be included on that list. Not even if they were breaded and deep-fried and served at a fair. |
Apples
Long before "poisoned candy" scares, evil people were handing out apples instead of candy on Halloween. This disappointing "treat" is the main reason to avoid unwrapped food while trick-or-treating. |
|
|
Tootsie Rolls
It looks like chocolate and sort of smells like chocolate, but the mini brown tubes are not real chocolate. They taste like watered-down chocolate, and have a chewy texture that will strip the fillings right off your molars. |
Miscellaneous, Wrapped Hard Candies
Halloween is supposed to be a holiday for young people, not senior citizens who suck on hard candies all day. Something about the strawberry-shaped strawberries, gold-wrapped butterscotch, and peppermint feels past the expiration date. (These usually get set aside for Granny.) |
|
|
Laffy Taffy
I do not laffy when I get these. I sobby. I get depressedy. Because it gets all stucky to my teethy and doesn't even taste that goody. |
Anything Fun-Sized
Who started calling it this? Since when is one bite fun?! Give us the rich houses with the sprawling driveways and full-sized candy bars any day. Portion control doesn't need to start this young. |
|
TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: candy; halloween; ofst; silliness
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 81-100, 101-120, 121-140, 141-150 next last
To: killer_rat
I once had someone give me spaghetti in a zip-lock bag for halloweenthey had run out of candy. No joke. The next day, they were power-spraying tomato sauce and noodles from their vinyl siding.One time I got a sealed clear bag of something that looked like ground beef. It turns out that the house was handing out dog food. I don't remember exactly what it was, but I seem to recall it was "related" to "Gaines Burgers."
Mark
101
posted on
10/24/2008 10:59:37 AM PDT
by
MarkL
(Al Gore: The Greenhouse Gasbag! (heard on Bob Brinker's Money Talk))
To: copaliscrossing
One year I went to a costume party, naked, with only a potato tied around my waist and hung in front
I was a dic tater
102
posted on
10/24/2008 11:12:28 AM PDT
by
llevrok
(Milton Friedman! Please come home!!!)
To: llevrok
One year I went to a costume party, naked, with only a potato tied around my waist and hung in front
I was a dic tater
Reminds me of the old joke.....
"Why do the Russians circumcise their boys?"
"Because they wanted to have a bunch of dic...taters...."
Ugh, sorry for the bad joke.....
103
posted on
10/24/2008 11:29:46 AM PDT
by
copaliscrossing
(If stupidity were barrels of oil, we should start drilling the liberals heads right now!!!)
To: Lucky9teen
104
posted on
10/24/2008 11:44:51 AM PDT
by
Squidpup
("Fight the Good Fight")
To: Lucky9teen
“Dentists and orthodontists should not be allowed to celebrate Halloween if they’re going to get all tooth doctory on us.”
My dentist takes the opposite view.
He is okay with people eating candy. And even crunching on ice cubes. Damaged teeth translate to more business opportunities. He’ll encourage good tooth care but knows that if he can’t convince you, he’ll get some work out of it in the end.
105
posted on
10/24/2008 12:18:21 PM PDT
by
weegee
(If we're gonna share wealth, those earning > $1 a month are going to have to share with the world.)
To: Lucky9teen
Candy Corn The most polarizing candy of all. The fruitcake of Halloween; it just never goes away. If you love them, fine. But don't subject the rest of us haters to the sickeningly sweet triangle that tastes like neither candy nor corn. 2 pieces is all you need.
With two pieces you can make fangs. And then the joke gets old.
106
posted on
10/24/2008 12:20:43 PM PDT
by
weegee
(If we're gonna share wealth, those earning > $1 a month are going to have to share with the world.)
Comment #107 Removed by Moderator
To: Lucky9teen
Laffy Taffy I do not laffy when I get these. I sobby. I get depressedy. Because it gets all stucky to my teethy and doesn't even taste that goody. I thought it has this name because their are dumb jokes on the packaging.
Is Laffy Taffy playing a joke on you?
A mysterious punch line printed on Nestle's iconic Laffy Taffy wrapper has sparked frenzy among enthusiasts of the sticky snack, over a joke that no one seems to get. Is the joke on you? Watch the exclusive video and cast your opinion on this candy outcry.
108
posted on
10/24/2008 12:24:51 PM PDT
by
weegee
(If we're gonna share wealth, those earning > $1 a month are going to have to share with the world.)
To: CrazyJoeDivola
"Yeah - my wife shows me last night the stuff she got to hand out at halloween and she plans to hand out these little halloween bags of pretzels - I told her youre cleaning up the toilet paper in the yard as a result of this.On the other hand, if you make another trip the store, yours could be the most popular house in the neighborhood...
some 8 oz beer cans and some mini bottles...
109
posted on
10/24/2008 12:28:05 PM PDT
by
weegee
(If we're gonna share wealth, those earning > $1 a month are going to have to share with the world.)
To: FreedomHammer
My father-in-laws brother gave out scoops of ice cream once way back when he was in college ... yup, unpackaged scoops of ice cream dropped right into their bags. Id have to say thats got to be way up there on the worst treat list.
It could get worse.
fat free Frogurt (frozen yogurt)
Yam Sorbet...
110
posted on
10/24/2008 12:29:29 PM PDT
by
weegee
(If we're gonna share wealth, those earning > $1 a month are going to have to share with the world.)
To: vietvet67
I was gonna pass out stock certificates but the kid will say Are you kidding me mister? :-) The formerly rich kids from River Oaks are going to go out this Halloween and toilet paper homes with stock certificates.
111
posted on
10/24/2008 12:30:29 PM PDT
by
weegee
(If we're gonna share wealth, those earning > $1 a month are going to have to share with the world.)
To: ErnBatavia
That’s quite a collection. What’s it worth on ebay?
112
posted on
10/24/2008 12:32:29 PM PDT
by
weegee
(If we're gonna share wealth, those earning > $1 a month are going to have to share with the world.)
To: killer_rat
But still, who the hell gives out spaghetti for halloween?! I agree, save it for Columbus or Marco Polo Day.
113
posted on
10/24/2008 12:35:44 PM PDT
by
weegee
(If we're gonna share wealth, those earning > $1 a month are going to have to share with the world.)
To: TexasCajun
"Back at the home, every night ends with a slo poke."
114
posted on
10/24/2008 12:38:23 PM PDT
by
weegee
(If we're gonna share wealth, those earning > $1 a month are going to have to share with the world.)
To: rfreedom4u
I think we should take all the candy from all the kids and pass it back out equally. We can call it.....redistributing the candy! It could be a learning experience for the kids. "And who would you be voting for this year?" "Obama? Well I'd like to implement one of his ideas and share your 'wealth' with the others in your group..."
115
posted on
10/24/2008 12:40:29 PM PDT
by
weegee
(If we're gonna share wealth, those earning > $1 a month are going to have to share with the world.)
To: weegee
To: B-Chan
117
posted on
10/24/2008 12:48:03 PM PDT
by
weegee
(If we're gonna share wealth, those earning > $1 a month are going to have to share with the world.)
To: B-Chan
118
posted on
10/24/2008 12:48:06 PM PDT
by
weegee
(If we're gonna share wealth, those earning > $1 a month are going to have to share with the world.)
To: B-Chan
119
posted on
10/24/2008 12:48:10 PM PDT
by
weegee
(If we're gonna share wealth, those earning > $1 a month are going to have to share with the world.)
To: B-Chan
120
posted on
10/24/2008 12:48:15 PM PDT
by
weegee
(If we're gonna share wealth, those earning > $1 a month are going to have to share with the world.)
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 81-100, 101-120, 121-140, 141-150 next last
Disclaimer:
Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual
posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its
management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the
exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson