Posted on 10/20/2008 12:18:50 PM PDT by RogerFGay
I love you. Three powerful words. They change lives. Are they real? Unlikely. Men and women blithely utter these three words as easily as politicians promise tax cuts. Do they mean it? Odds are, no. The test below will tell you for sure. continue
(Excerpt) Read more at mensnewsdaily.com ...
Are you interested in betting a fin on that?
All I have is a sawbuck, can you make change?
No. Ten bucks?
yep
Lighten up, Francis.
When I was born, the doctor said to my father, “ I’m sorry, we did everything we could but he still pulled through.”
My mother had morning sickness AFTER I was born
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend!
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
When I was born the doctor slapped my mother.
When I was born the doctor turned me upside down and said, “My God, twins!”
When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up!
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio!
I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get!
One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control!
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
My uncle’s dying wish was to have me sit in his lap - he was in the electric chair!
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens!
I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War my great uncle fought for the West!
I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.
The other night a mugger took off his mask and made ME wear it.
I was so depressed that I decided to jump from the tenth floor. They sent up a priest. He said, “On your mark......”
I was lost and asked a cop to help me find my parents. “Do you think we’ll find them.” I asked him. “I don’t know, there’s so many places to hide!”
My old man, he carries around the picture of the kid that came with the wallet.
I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.
A girl phoned me and said, “Come on over there’s nobody home.” I went over - nobody was home!
A hooker once told me she had a headache.
I went to a massage parlor, it was self service!
If it weren’t for pick-pockets, I’d have no sex life at all!
After making love, the girl she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” “No, I hate myself now!”
I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.
She was so ugly that when I bent down to pet her cat it turned out to be the hair on her legs.
She was so ugly that they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.
She was so ugly that when two men broke into her apartment and she yelled “rape,” they yelled “nooooooo!”
She was old too, when she went to school they didn’t have history.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy. I told him I want a second opinion. He said, “Okay, you’re ugly too!”
(...the late great Rodney)
I agree. My favorite definition is: love is knowing someone and accepting them the way they are. If someone knows you and still accepts you as-is, it's the real deal.
Well there you go then. Laz, you have me on the touch for cash now. Go in peace, or let me down for a sawbuck. What say you? Folks have made book on you, no pressure.
I think you will come out in the end and have great value, and Cougar sez you fail. Are you going to fail?
Now hold on there. I’m not saying Laz will fail, I’m just saying no one is as warped. It’s what I like best about Laz.
Life is not over until it is done. Between now and then, we have all the ability to change our circumstances.
I'll grant that it is hard to find a good lady. You may need to examine yourself and your weaknesses and work to overcome whatever obstacles are still in your path, but then, you need to only set your sights on a truly decent woman. Such a woman does not sleep around. You might find her at a church-related function or such. It may even take you meeting women from outside the country to find the one for you, if the women you run into are too liberal.
Use this time to really build yourself up to being an incredible proposition. Get your health as good as possible. Work on other areas that can see improvements in a matter of months. As you make positive changes, things start to get easier.
BUMP to that
CougarGA7, you win if I end up on a Polish Midget-Wrestling circuit; if I get transexual surgery; or if I learn how to pole-vault to the moon. Cyber Liberty, you win if my portait is featured on the $500 dollar bill; if I tattoo myself green from the waist up; or if I end up a porn star.
Anything other than those and you both lose.
Yeah, that sounds about right.
Wait a minute. What happens if you tattoo yourself green from the waist up and join the Polish Midget-Wrestling circuit using the stage name “Sprout”? Then Cyber and I break even and you get to be on ESPN2 at 2:00am, right?
Boy, are you gonna be surprised when it hits you. ; )
Whatchya doin’ this Friday night? ;)
“You ain’t really died until you have a child of your own stab you in the back.”
What would be an example of such a stab?
Here is an (admittedly silly) lesson for the disheartened on not giving up on love:
“Yeah, but He won’t sleep with me.”
Compared to being in His presence, sex pales into insignificance.
There is no direct example. Mark Twain alluded to it....You would have to know much more about Cyber Liberty, and that is not likely.
“You would have to know much more about Cyber Liberty, and that is not likely.”
Gee, that ain’t very neighborly. I say something to hack you off?
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.