And for people in such a fix hearing the usual praise heaped upon the departed, who inflicted on them scars and wounds which will pain and crippled them for the rest of their lives is like having a knife twisted in their guts.
So, I don't approve. It's far mo' better to avoid speaking ill of the dead and to do at least superficial honor for one's mother and father. I don't approve, but I surely understand.
It’s the same thing as when I would have to pick out a card for Mother’s Day and none of them was fitting. But, if no services, almost kinder to take the high road and say nothing this publicly.
Southern families have a lot of eccentrics and drama queens (of both sexes) but very few actively evil people (apparently the socially acceptable eccentricity and drama allows them to blow off steam). I have known a few, though, and like you I certainly understand where this is coming from.
Unfortunately, my own family was in that situation, when my mother passed away over 30 years ago. She was a disturbed, depressed, & very damaged woman (probably a borderline personality disorder) who most likely herself had been abused. She died very bitter, refusing to see anyone.
My older brother, who was royally messed up by her, did not even want to attend the funeral. To this day he hates all women.
The 10 Commandments say to honor your parents. It's hard when there's not much to honor. People can have great superficial qualities, but be profoundly deficient in the qualities that make for marriage & parenting.