Unfortunately, my own family was in that situation, when my mother passed away over 30 years ago. She was a disturbed, depressed, & very damaged woman (probably a borderline personality disorder) who most likely herself had been abused. She died very bitter, refusing to see anyone.
My older brother, who was royally messed up by her, did not even want to attend the funeral. To this day he hates all women.
The 10 Commandments say to honor your parents. It's hard when there's not much to honor. People can have great superficial qualities, but be profoundly deficient in the qualities that make for marriage & parenting.
I always advise to smile politely, find something, anything (She baked an AMAZING fricassee of muskrat pie!) good to say, (We will always miss the 3:00 AM visits from our friends at the police department) and then find a good friend and tell your side of the story. Or write it down.
He has one grave in Texas somewhere and I'm guessing the one in California is located in the city or county cemetery (unmarked).
She's not 100% sure he's dead, though. He was a hitman for the mob. LOL
That's won good reason to honor them anyway. Some people come out of abuse ok, some come out with the scars on the inside, and some have them right were nobody can get away from them. We have to detach sometimes to protect ourselves, but somebody made her that way, like a dog that's kept chained, hungry, and taunted. BTW, that's the part that's often hardest to see while they're alive. It's only after they're gone that you can step back and see the totality of the person. The person that wrote that obit probably never saw her mother as anyone other than mean ol' mommy. She never thought of her as a goofy kid getting pushed down by her brother or whipped by her dad.