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Posted on 08/01/2008 6:23:53 AM PDT by Soaring Feather
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Condensed Versions of Movies
Jaws Directed by Steven Spielberg 1975
Roy Scheider There's a big shark in the water. Close the beaches.
Murray Hamilton No way. Your evidence is inconclusive. Clean the dead people off the beach to make room for the tourists.
(Some SCARY MUSIC rings out, and a BIG FAT GUY gets EATEN.) Robert Shaw I'm tough and grim. (shark eats him) Roy Scheider and Richard Dreyfuss Take that. (shark dies) THE END
Erin Brockovich Directed by Steven Soderbergh 2000
Julia Roberts I'm a jerk, but I'm brilliant. Give me a job, you fountain of scummy pain evil.
Albert Finney Ok. Julia Roberts This company is poisoning water. Let's fry their ugly hides in extract of hell. (They DO, and it is HEART WARMING.) THE END
Close Encounters of the Third Kind Directed by Steven Spielberg 1977
(Airplanes are found in the desert.) Researchers Wow! (UFOs appear over Richard Dreyfuss' house.) Richard Dreyfuss Wow! (UFOs appear over Devil's Tower.) All Wow!
THE END
Notting Hill Directed by Roger Michell 1999 Hugh Grant
I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I'm in love with you.
Julia Roberts I'll date you, no I won't, yes I will, no I won't. I'm sorry, I have too many rich-and-glamorous issues. Now I've gotten over them.
THE END
Reservoir Dogs Film Directed by Quentin Tarantino 1992
Michael Madsen Who's the rat? (shoots a cop) Harvey Keitel I didn't do it. (shoots Lawrence Tierney) Tim Roth Don't look at me. (shoots Michael Madsen) (Everybody else shoots each other.) THE END
Titanic Film Directed by James Cameron 1997
Leonardo DiCaprio Your social class is stuffy. Let's dance with the ship's rats and have fun. Kate Winslet You have captured my heart. Let's run around the ship and giggle. (The ship SINKS.) Leonardo DiCaprio Never let go. Kate Winslet I promise. (lets go) THE END
Lady Jag's Personal Horrorscope
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It's time to start setting higher goals. Don't get stuff to make a salad and then let it rot in the fridge. Get stuff to make several salads, and start your own compost pile!
As Buckaroo Banzai said, "No matter where you go, there you are." Oddly, this will not be entirely the case for you, today.
Today you will find a small speckled egg, shimmering a little, in the fireplace. If you keep it warm in a 350 degree oven for 3 weeks, it will hatch into a small dragon, and then eat you.
Someone will try to give you an egg salad sandwich today. Refuse them. Be polite, yet firm.
You will finally figure out what the problem is, with your car! Basically, it has developed a sense of humor.
Today you will begin work on a life-size pterodactyl robot, which you will use to terrorize the city. Either that or you'll take a nap. It just depends what sort of mood you're in.
Hide.
Today you will learn how to tell the difference between an octopus and a cuttlefish. Aside, that is, from the octopus' greater problem solving capability.
Today you will realize that your biggest problem is indecisiveness. Or possibly procrastination. Tomorrow may be a better day to figure out which.
Good day to review what you know about hamsters. I think that's all I should really say, except possibly that it's often considered impolite to see how much food you can pack into your cheeks, when dining out.
You will tell a total stranger that you're "sick and tired of salad", today. The stranger will recoil in shock and horror.
Today you should enjoy "postlaunch solarizing." Q: What does that mean? A: How should I know? It's your life, you tell me. |
Some sad news to report from Music biz South Park Chef Issac Hayes had died of stroke according to Fox news
And another report from Jerserlum Post now being report that Russia jet bomb Israel build plant in Russia Georgia
Now being report off UK Times that Russia Georgia want ceasefire NOW
Good morning,
Ms Feather!
Afternoon, TT!
Afternoon, Allegra!
Good morning,
Fellow Lardites!!!
FRIDAY'S GAME:
FIRST PLACE CUBS 3
Parakeets 2
SATURDAY'S GAME:
FIRST PLACE CUBS 2
Parakeets 12
SUNDAY'S GAME:
FIRST PLACE CUBS 6
Parakeets 2
NEXT GAME:
TOMORROW!
August 12 @ 6:10 PM CST
Radio: WGN 720
VS 
Can I have this one?
Spelling “truely atrosious,” says academic
By Luke Baker
LONDON (Reuters) - Embaressed by yor spelling? Never you mind.
Fed up with his students’ complete inability to spell common English correctly, a British academic has suggested it may be time to accept “variant spellings” as legitimate.
Rather than grammarians getting in a huff about “argument” being spelled “arguement” or “opportunity” as “opertunity,” why not accept anything that’s phonetically (fonetickly anyone?) correct as long as it can be understood?
“Instead of complaining about the state of the education system as we correct the same mistakes year after year, I’ve got a better idea,” Ken Smith, a criminology lecturer at Bucks New University, wrote in the Times Higher Education Supplement.
“University teachers should simply accept as variant spelling those words our students most commonly misspell.”
To kickstart his proposal, Smith suggested 10 common misspellings that should immediately be accepted into the pantheon of variants, including “ignor,” “occured,” “thier,” “truely,” “speach” and “twelth” (it should be “twelfth”).
Then of course there are words like “misspelt” (often spelled “mispelt”), not to mention “varient,” a commonly used variant of “variant.”
And that doesn’t even begin to delve into all the problems English people have with words that use the letters “i” and “e” together, like weird, seize, leisure, foreign and neighbor.
The rhyme “i before e except after c” may be on the lips of every schoolchild in Britain, but that doesn’t mean they remember the rule by the time they get to university.
Of course, such proposals have been made in the past. The advent of text messaging turned many students into spelling neanderthals as phrases such as “wot r u doin 2nite?” became socially, if not academically, acceptable.
Despite Smith’s suggestion, language mavens are unconvinced. John Simpson, the chief editor of the Oxford English Dictionary, says rules are rules and they are there for good reason.
“There are enormous advantages in having a coherent system of spelling,” he told the Times newspaper.
“It makes it easier to communicate. Maybe during a learning phase there is some scope for error, but I would hope that by the time people get to university they have learnt to spell.”
Yet even some of Britain’s greatest wordsmiths have acknowledged it’s a language with irritating quirkiness.
Playwright George Bernard Shaw was fond of pointing out that the word “ghoti” could just as well be pronounced “fish” if you followed common pronunciation: ‘gh’ as in “tough,” ‘o’ as in “women” and ‘ti’ as in “nation.”
And he was a playright!
Another reason the education system is a waste of money and effort, the kids grow up to be the dummy parents for the next generation.
Thank you for the clear and concise definitions on ‘Guts’ and ‘Balls’, I have printed it out, and posted it on the community board here in the coffee shop for others to benefit from!
(shush, there’s a group of women tearing the paper off the board and stamping on it. I wonder which word they took umbrage with? I don’t think I have the guts to ask them until they cool off and quite acting like a lynch mob, I just don’t have the balls for that job!
Well, just damn, if the damned teachers would teach the stuff we were taught-there would be no reason to dumb down spelling.
I am not the greatest speller in the world, but there are dictionaries, spell check, and a myriad of other tools, some not in place when I was in school.
Nextthingtogowillbepunctuationandwewillbebackwherewestarted
So how’s your day curmudgeon?
So nice of you to pick up the 550, I guess that means a WOO HOO.
I’m doing fine, sitting here in the coffee shop and writing, and watching people.
Just had a great laugh, some women were sitting at a table near me and chatting up on the jewelry one woman was wearing. She had spent $1,500 for ‘Custom Carved Jewelry’ made from (wait for it) endangered Species Woods from South America. According to what she told her friends, she bought the jewelery to ‘help’ some organization in Brazil to ‘protect’ the endangered trees of certain types of hardwoods. I had seen her pull up out front, getting out of a huge Hummer and when I went out to check, I saw as my buddy had indicated this same enviro-conscious chick had a ‘Sierra Club’ sticker on the back of her Hummvee! I have to say, the thought processes of some folks is quite entertaining!!!
Skool larningis a lot of truble and takes2 much time from MTV and watch’n gores movey, Sad 2 say we am going 2 suferfor it as a nashion you can bit
Where’s my WOO HOO? What am I, chopped liver?
“Where’s my WOO HOO? What am I, chopped liver?”
YES, with a bit scrambled egg on the side and a Bagel
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