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Posted on 06/01/2008 5:39:33 PM PDT by Soaring Feather
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FACTS ABOUT AMERICANS
From Harper's Index
1. Only 30% of us can flare our nostrils. [ I can.]
2. 21% of us don't make our bed daily. 5% of us never do.
3. Men do 29% of laundry each week. Only 7% of women trust their husbands to do it correctly.
4. 40% of women have hurled footwear at a man.
5. 67.5% of men wear tightie whities (briefs).
6. 3 out of 4 of us store our dollar bills in rigid order with singles leading up to higher denominations.
7. 13% of us admit to occasionally doing our offspring's homework.
8. 91% of us lie regularly.
9. 27% admit to cheating on a test or quiz.
10. 29% admit they've intentionally stolen something from a store.
11. 50% admit they regularly sneak food into movie theaters to avoid the high prices of snack foods.
12. 90% believe in divine retribution.
13. 10% believe in the 10 Commandments. [ If the above is true, more better believe in the 10]
14. 82% believe in an afterlife.
15. 45% believe in ghosts.
16. 13% (mostly men) have spent a night in jail.
17. 29% of us are virgins when we marry.
18. 58.4% have called into work sick when we weren't.
19. 10% of us switch tags in the store to pay less for an item.
20. Over 50% believe in spanking, but only a child over 2 years old.
21. 35% give to charity at least once a month.
22. How far would you go for $10 million? 25% would abandon their friends, family, and church. 7% would murder.
23. 69% eat the cake before the frosting.
24. When nobody else is around, 47% drink straight from the carton.
25. 85% of us will eat Spam this year.
26. 70% of us drink orange juice daily.
27. Snickers is the most popular candy.
28. 22% of us skip lunch daily. > >9% of us skip breakfast daily.
29. 66% of us eat cereal regularly.
30. 22% of all restaurant meals include french fries.
31. 14% of us eat the watermelon seeds.
32. Only 13% brush our teeth from side to side.
33. 45% use mouthwash every day.
34. 22% leave the glob of toothpaste in the sink.
35. The typical shower is 101 degrees F.
36. Nearly 1/3 of U.S. women color their hair.
37. 9% of women and 8% of men have had cosmetic surgery.
38. 53% of women will not leave the house without makeup on.
39. 58% of women paint their nails regularly.
40. 62% of us pop our zits.
41. 33% of women lie about their weight.
42. 10% of us claim to have seen a ghost.
43. 57% have had deja vu. [Kay A. comment: You know, I heard that > somewhere before.]
44. 49% believe in ESP. [Kay A. comment: I knew that they would say > that.]
45. 4 out of 5 of us have suffered from hemorrhoids.
46. 44% have broken a bone.
47. Only 30% of us know our cholesterol level.
48. 14% have attended a self-help meeting.
49. 15% regularly go to a shrink.
50. 78% would rather die quickly than live in a retirement home.
51. 46.5% of men say they ALWAYS put the seat down after they've used the toilet, yet women claim to ALWAYS find it up.
52. 30% of us refuse to sit on a public toilet seat.
53. 54.2% of us always wash our hands after using the toilet. > >23.5% admit they don't always flush.
54. 55.2% will let someone else come in the bathroom while they're using the toilet.
55. 39% of us peek in our host's bathroom cabinet. 17% have been caught by the host.
56. 81.3% would tell an acquaintance to zip his pants.
57. 29% of us ignore RSVP.
58. 71.6% of us eavesdrop.
59. 22% are functionally illiterate.
60. The average bra size today is 36C whereas 10 years ago it was a 34B.
61. 85% of women wear the wrong bra size.
62. Less than 10% are trilingual.
63. 37% claim to know how to use all the features on their VCR.
64. 53% prefer ATM machines over tellers.
65. 56% of women do the bills in a marriage.
66. 2 out of 3 of us wouldn't give up our spouse even for a night for a million bucks.
67. 20% of us have played in a band at one time in our life.
68. 40% of us have had music lessons. > >44% reuse tinfoil. > >57% save pretty gift paper to reuse.
69. 66% of women and 59% of men have used a mix to cook and taken credit for doing it from scratch.
70. 53% read their horoscopes regularly.
71. 16% of us have forgotten our own wedding anniversary (mostly men).
72. 59% of us say we're average-looking.
73. Blacks are more than twice as likely to call themselves beautiful.
74. 90% of us depend on alarm clocks to wake us.
75. 53% of us would take advice from Ann Landers.
76. 28% of us have skinny-dipped. 14% with the opposite sex.
77. 51% of adults dress up for a Halloween festivity.
78. On average, we send 38 Christmas cards every year.
79. 20% of women consider their parents to be their best friends.
80. 2 out of 5 have married their first love.
81. The biggest cause of matrimonial fighting is money.
82. Only 4% asked the parents' approval for their bride's hand.
83. 1 in 5 men proposed on his knees. 6% proposed over the phone.
84. 71% can drive a stick-shift car.
85. 45% of us consistently follow the speed limit.
86. 2/3 of us speed up at a yellow light.
87. 1/3 of us don't wear seat belts.
88. 12% of men never use their car blinkers.
89. 44% of men tailgate to speed up the person in front of them.
90. 25% of us drive after we've been drinking.
91. 4 out of 5 sing in the car.
Note: Since apparently 39% of your houseguests will look in your medicine cabinet.. Here's how to get even. Next time you invite someone over and suspect they will look... take everything out of your cabinet and fill it with marbles instead. Imagine your guests surprise when they open that door! Especially good during a party.
Hollywood Squares
These are from the days when game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted like they are now. Or were they?
If you’re going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?
Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
True or false, George...experts say there are only seven or eight things in the world dumber than an ant.?
George Gobel: Yes, and I think I voted for six of ‘em.
True or false...a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes...
You’ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
Don Knotts: That’s what’s been keeping me awake.
Can you get an elephant drunk?
Paul Lynde: Yes, but she still won’t go up to your apartment.
According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he’s really attractive, is it okay to come out directly and ask him if he’s married?
Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.
Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say “I love you”?
Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
What are “Do It”, “I Can Help” and “Can’t Get Enough”?
George Gobel: I don’t know but it’s coming from the next apartment.
As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while you are talking?
Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing older question, Peter...and I’ll give you a gesture you’ll never forget!
According to Zsa Zsa, does black look sexy on a woman?
Redd Foxx: I wouldn’t have it any other way...
What are “dual purpose” cattle good for that other cattle aren’t?
Paul Lynde: They give milk and cookies ... but I don’t recommend the cookies!
If you find someone lying unconscious in the street, should you do anything?
George Goebel: I’d probably crawl around him, I guess.
Paul, why do Hell’s Angels wear leather?
Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Charley, you’ve just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year?
Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I’m too busy growing strawberries!
In bowling, what’s a perfect score?
Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?
Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
Rose Marie: Unfortunately, Peter, I’m always safe in the bedroom.
Can boys join the camp fire girls?
Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?
Paul Lynde: Make him bark.
If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
Charley Weaver: It got me out of the Army!
Is it possible for the puppies in a litter to have more than one daddy?
Paul Lynde: Why, that bitch!
While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting “Poo! Poo! Poo!” What’s that mean?
George Goebel: Cattle crossing.
It is the most abused and neglected part of your body-what is it?
Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn’t neglected!
Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds?
Charley Weaver: A divorcee.
Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
According to Movie Life magazine, Ann-Margaret would like to start having babies soon, but her husband wants her to wait a while. Why?
Paul Lynde: He’s out of town.
Dennis Weaver, Debbie Reynolds, and Shelley Winters star in the movie “What’s The Matter With Helen?” Who plays Helen?
Charley Weaver: Dennis Weaver - that’s why they asked the question.
Which stays pregnant longer? Your wife or your elephant?
Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
Charley Weaver: I’ll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.
James Stewart did it over twenty years ago when he was forty-one years old. Now he says it was “one of the best things I ever did.” What was it?
Marty Allen: Rhonda Fleming.
Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
Charley Weaver: His feet.
Do female frogs croak?
Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water.
Your baby has a certain object which he loves to cling to. Should you try to break him of his habit?
Joan Rivers: Yes. It’s daddy’s turn.
OH OH there is report off BBC wire claim that PETA tick off with the Russians over their plan dril artice circle causing disruption to Polar Bear
This is Wednesday humor this off TMZ.com when did Al Gore become rapper
http://www.tmz.com/2008/06/25/al-gore-2-legit-2-quit/
LOL, I just noticed that.
Didn’t you know he invented rap!
Then he blamed Bush for it.
It’s too humid to breathe and it’s given me a nasty headache. I’ll blame it on that.
Brush Your Eyeballs!
Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets - Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart, in "Dr. Who" That's so true, isn't it!
Sure, it seems easy being a space alien. You've got your x-ray vision, your late model space ships and media coverage galore. But, as usual with most glamour jobs, there's a lot of nitty gritty work the public doesn't get to see. The job can become routine, and even a bit tedious, as we learned when we stumbled upon this intriguing page from...
SPACE ALIEN'S LOGBOOK
***********************************************************************
8:15 AM Leave asteroid for work.
9:00 AM Hover over cornfield on outskirts of small Midwestern town.
9:30 AM Land in backyard where housewife is hanging laundry. Silence barking dog with penetrating gaze.
|10:00 AM Stun housewife with laser-gun or energy pulsating finger- tips. Levitate her body just long enough to be glimpsed by a passing motorist. Materialize the body inside spaceship. Remove internal organs; weigh, label and categorize. Return |most, if not all, to the body. Erase all traces of surgery. Rematerialize housewife in backyard. Turn back time two hours. Bid enigmatic good-bye. Leave.
1:00 PM Visit once prestigious astronomer who everyone thinks has gone mad. Deliver pep talk. Leave him fist-sized fragments of an unidentifiable element.
2:15 PM Drop by Whitley Strieber's house, pick up royalty check from best seller. Communion.
3:00 PM It's Saturday; Beam Mulder psychic impressions where to go next.
3:20 PM Hover over southwestern desert.
3:30 PM Offer psychotic drifter a lift.
4:30 PM Pose for cover of "Weekly World News" with Pres. Clinton. Discuss ozone depletion, space travel, scandal evasion, future political endorsements.
6:30 PM Back at the asteroid. Introduce psychotic drifter to other |aliens. Listen to Windham Hill.
9:00 PM Dinner. Eat drifter.
10:00 PM Wash antennae, brush eyeballs, peel off outer layer of skin. Beam cryptic message to NASA satellite. Lights out.
I’m telling ya lad
she’s a loovly bit a fluff
sweet as ‘is ‘onor’s best whiskey
though hif she ‘ears you its yer duff
she’s know ta get radical mad!
LJ did you read ESPN.com this morning Wimbelron tick off PETA folks they kill couple of pidgen before women and men matches today who got too close to tennis courts yeah they tick off
BTW report from BRIT FT Russian scientist working on new energy outlet he want transfer Vodka into pump your gas tank in that right Vodka gas LOL!
It is working SHOCKER SHOCKER
WOW there is report from another Freeper actually Abb he reading on Editor and Publisher that legendary Chicago tribune building and LA Times building might be on sale thanks to Sam Zell he try cut costs because of LA times economic losses
Maybe the government ought to buy them and turn them into homeless shelters as their already ‘staffed’ by out-of-work journalist types!
I have decided to take a page from my own dedication and sense of entrepreneurial spirit, and create my own Holiday along the lines of Kwanza. I am setting up a foundation to promote and enrich this holiday. As a made up holiday for blacks with a name derived from a source outside reality by an FBI informant seems to be all right, why not another? Along that line, as a 30 year professional practitioner of the much maligned Hard Work Theory, I am setting forth the structuring a new Holiday; I call ‘Blanco Effortica’ with the following criteria’s.
-We, the Caucasian Workers of the world, will gather once a year in family units, and celebrate our family’s efforts for the year in providing for ourselves as did our forefathers at harvest time.
-We will partake of our bounty in a huge meal to celebrate the efforts and energy of our forefathers, reflecting on how we are here today because they applied themselves, and carried our line forward into the future, as we will do. We will discuss our family members of old who made our lives possible through their efforts, folks like Uncle Ernie who farmed, and Aunt Edna who ran a store. This is our History Aspect, honoring what came before welfare.
-After the meal, we will hand around pictures of successful Caucasian inventors, entrepreneurs, and Captains of Industry who made a success of their lives. We will read excerpts of their lives as motivational stimulation in homage of their courage and efforts to give our lives a spark for the future.
-We will then exchange various gifts, as well as collecting and sending the family cash gift to the Blanco Effortica Foundation (a monetary gift to further our work), to show appreciation of our own efforts to rise above the poverty level, celebrating the struggle of all Caucasians to better themselves through hard work and pride in our efforts. We will leave the price tags on and make sure the receipts are included so gifts may be exchanged so that complete satisfaction is achieved. This is our Present Aspect, showing what is possible in spite of welfare.
-We will partake of an evening meal at a local upscale restaurant, once again to bring our family unit together in celebration, while we give financial support to others who also expend efforts to succeed and creating jobs for others by opening their businesses. This is the Future Aspect, showing our intention of making a better world and eliminating welfare.
I will of course be promoting this, and there will be a need for T-shirts, Hats, Cups, Golf Clubs, and matched Ferrari Roadsters in Pearl White, which I will likely put into a web store. If you do contribute,I would of course be willing to see that you also benefited from this promotion, as is within the very structure of this holiday after all. If you are interested, please let me know and I will send you a complete and detailed explanation of the holiday, its rules of observance, and how you can provide your Holiday gift to get this effort underway in a shared and hopefully beneficial partnership in celebrating ‘White Effort through Hard Work.’
The High Priest of ‘Blanco Effortica’
(The Curmudgeon)
Wayzatajohnn
Well if your all gonna do other stuff, I’m heading for dinner!
The High Priest of ‘Blanco Effortica’
(The Curmudgeon)
Wayzatajohnn
Well, how is it going so far??
What happened to Tom??
MINE!
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