Posted on 05/20/2008 9:37:30 PM PDT by Daffynition
1. A black eye. Unless the rim hits your face mid-dunk, your peepers should remain unblemished. You're smart enough to talk your way out of any fight you're going to lose.
2. A witty e-mail signature. Quotes and song lyrics should be heard during toasts and karaoke performances, respectively. Don't let your electronic correspondence become the digital version of a motivational poster.
3. An empty refrigerator. Your larder should be amply stocked, your pantry provisioned. Always aim to be ready to create an on-the-fly, three-course dinner for her...along with breakfast in bed.
4. PlayStation thumb. When they're relaxing, grown men can behave like children. But if you devolve long enough to cause calluses or button-shaped bruises, you're assuredly missing out on life.
5. A key chain with a bottle opener. This bauble is both a gauche reminder of your college days and proof that you don't know how to apply leverage using available, impromptu bottle openers: a lighter, the back end of a fork.
6. A lucky shirt. Every shirt is lucky when worn by a man who knows that the harder he works the luckier he'll be.
7. An unstamped passport.
8. Olympic dreams. Exceptions: curling and archery.
9. Less than $20 in his wallet. Fiduciary nudity is negligence. A real man should always carry a business card and enough dough to pick up coffee, bagels, and the Sunday paper without whipping out the plastic.
10. A name for his penis. Even if it's a really clever name.
11. Any beer that costs less than $20 a case. And no exception for the grand-slam 30-pack that crosses that price threshold.
12. The need to quote The Big Lebowski/ Caddyshack/Superbad. Reciting someone else's lines reminds people that you haven't the wit to write your own.
[snip]
(Excerpt) Read more at men.msn.com ...
Does my Bronze in Cox and Pairs from Munich mean I’m a wimp?
Your problem is quite clear. It's your whole attitude. The meal itself is just a part of the entire experience. You don't just turn on fire and slap some meat on in order to satisfy your hunger as soon as possible. That's just plain wrong. It's a primal thing, dude. You celebrate life and the life that animal gave in order to sustain yours. Every meal, every grilling adventure, every cook-out is a celebration of what God has given us. Can't explain it except to say it can't be taught. You have to feel it. You have to feel it and embrace it.
Oh, yeah, I almost forgot... Whatever you do, "primal" doesn't mean grilling naked. I wouldn't recommend that.
Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory... lasts forever.
If that shoe fits, you'll wear it whether I say anything or not.
Once burned, twice shy...
My (long deceased) great uncle had been a cavalryman in the Tsarist Army. He emigrated to the U.S. right about 1900, and proceeded to enlist in the US Army where he participated in Pershing's punitive raids into Mexico. Like your stereotypical European 19th century cav troop, he had a deep "dueling" scar over his right cheekbone and across his right cheek (I put "dueling" in quotes because I'm not really sure how he sustained it...only that it had been something sharp, and it had obviously cut deep).
The best I can muster is a similarly located scar for which I received a few stitches at age 3, after riding a wooden rocking chair down a flight of concrete steps...
A sign of being a grown-up is a car that starts every time.
Are real men permitted to exfoliate?
Crocs should never be worn by a man at any time.
Frying bacon without a shirt isn’t recommended either.
An import in the driveway.
“A sign of being a grown-up is a car that starts every time.”
I love it. On numerous levels it is right on.
Yeech.
A fanny pack screams 'gun!' to those in the know.
“What other things should grown men be avoiding?”
1) Subscription to a newspaper.
2) Not wearing a tie at least once a week.
3) Not having a decent sound system.
4) Buying GQ, Details, Esquire or any male equivalent to women’s fashion magazines.
5) Bumper stickers for a presidential candidate on a car that you plan on having in 4 years.
6) Women under 26, unless you are under 26.
7) The voices in your head that tell you not to try a new sport because it ain’t Football or Baseball.
8) Debt of any sort.
9) Any flirtation with socialism.
10) Obama.
“What other things should grown men be avoiding?
1) Subscription to a newspaper.”
What can I say?...the wife loves the coupons.
How could you forget Goodfellas and Tombstone????
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