Posted on 05/20/2008 9:37:30 PM PDT by Daffynition
1. A black eye. Unless the rim hits your face mid-dunk, your peepers should remain unblemished. You're smart enough to talk your way out of any fight you're going to lose.
2. A witty e-mail signature. Quotes and song lyrics should be heard during toasts and karaoke performances, respectively. Don't let your electronic correspondence become the digital version of a motivational poster.
3. An empty refrigerator. Your larder should be amply stocked, your pantry provisioned. Always aim to be ready to create an on-the-fly, three-course dinner for her...along with breakfast in bed.
4. PlayStation thumb. When they're relaxing, grown men can behave like children. But if you devolve long enough to cause calluses or button-shaped bruises, you're assuredly missing out on life.
5. A key chain with a bottle opener. This bauble is both a gauche reminder of your college days and proof that you don't know how to apply leverage using available, impromptu bottle openers: a lighter, the back end of a fork.
6. A lucky shirt. Every shirt is lucky when worn by a man who knows that the harder he works the luckier he'll be.
7. An unstamped passport.
8. Olympic dreams. Exceptions: curling and archery.
9. Less than $20 in his wallet. Fiduciary nudity is negligence. A real man should always carry a business card and enough dough to pick up coffee, bagels, and the Sunday paper without whipping out the plastic.
10. A name for his penis. Even if it's a really clever name.
11. Any beer that costs less than $20 a case. And no exception for the grand-slam 30-pack that crosses that price threshold.
12. The need to quote The Big Lebowski/ Caddyshack/Superbad. Reciting someone else's lines reminds people that you haven't the wit to write your own.
[snip]
(Excerpt) Read more at men.msn.com ...
How about.....
http://www.hulu.com/watch/4139/saturday-night-live-steve-martins-penis-beauty-creme
????????
Gas grill?! You can't be serious. You just blew your cover.
A Weatherby eyebrow is acceptable. However, it may subject on to ridicule for knowing how to handle large weapons.
Steve sounds like a complete Kansas City faggot dancer.
If any woman judged me based upon this list, she isn’t the kind of woman I need. This list is ridiculous.
I have a can opener key ring, but since it’s a “lakeshark” that a dive buddy gave me as a gift, I’m keeping it until I’m dead.
I prefer to quote 'Yellowbeard'! I really have to be careful when and where I do, though!
Real men don’t have time for charcoal: they are too busy hunting. But you’re right - charcoal just tastes better.
I’ll revise my suggestions: Gas is more convenient for weekday cooking (especially when you work long hours). Charcoal absolutely, positively tastes better, but is more appropriate for weekend grilling when you have time to prepare a fire properly, which to me means having a drink in one’s hand at all times.
ACLU Card, appointments at day spas, clothing that’s pink, and stay away from hippies. Nver get near a smelly, dirty hippie.
(fixed it)
“Real men make time for charcoal.”
Texans just use mesquite coals. You sayin’ we ain’t real men?
I do prefer charcoal for cooking meat. I know that there’s a raging debate out there in the barbeque/grilling world about gas vs.charcoal. All I can tell you is that I’ve had some pretty damn good results from a 12,000 BTU gas grill properly prepared with soaked mesquite or hickory wood chips, and it doesn’t take 45 minutes to get up to temperature.
Word.
But the steak tastes better being cooked over Mesquite, and it is FAR more manly to have a cheap 40$ pit grill with 5$ worth of mesquite to cook your 15$ steak than a 1,000 grill and 1$ worth of propane. Gas grill BBQ is so easy/ not messy/ time-saving/ convenient that you may as well have a woman do it! ;)
I concur with you. Fights result in black eyes, stitches, broken noses etc.
Scars are tattoos with better stories.
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