Posted on 03/28/2008 3:56:43 PM PDT by WFTR
The last thread I hosted was called "The Bucket List" and was based loosely on a movie that I'd never seen. I'm repeating the idea of threads about movies I've never seen again this week. In my defense, this one wasn't my idea. Someone else suggested a discussion of platonic friendships between men and women and the idea from the "Harry met Sally" movie that those friendships can't exist. I'm going to add an idea from a news story this week in part because the story seemed amusing and in part because I wonder whether there is a connection.
From what I've heard, the idea behind the movie When Harry Met Sally is that men, or at least Bill Crystal's character, believe that they can never have a truly platonic relationship with a woman because they'll eventually want to have sex with that woman. I don't remember whether this idea applies only to situations where the man feels a strong physical attraction to a woman or whether any man will eventually want to have sex with any woman. Apparently, "Harry" claims that this desire will eventually doom the friendship because the man won't be able to endure the stress of the unfulfilled desire.
The second part of the topic is a short article that was published this week claiming that the happiest marriages are those where the woman is more physically attractive than the man. The whole article is only a few sentences and can be found at http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,340869,00.html. Important points in the article include the fact that only 82 couples were included in the study and that they had been married only six months. The study that led to the article requires a subscription to read, so I don't know whether the details of the study strengthen the idea.
Combining these topics leads to several points of discussion.
First, do you agree with the idea that men and women cannot form platonic friendships? Are those friendships destined to be disrupted by sexual desire on one side or the other? If so, does that desire generally come from the man? If those friendships are possible, what are the factors that lead to those friendships and what are the factors that make them impossible? Is appearance a big part of the equation?
Secondly, do you agree with the idea that marriages will generally be better if the woman is more attractive than the man? Obviously, if you're a guy, you're going to look at any couple and find the woman more attractive, but in a more objective sense, will the relationship be stronger if the woman is more attractive? If you're a gal, you're likely to see things just the opposite, but the same question applies.
My boss would keep me out on the road 24/7 if she could. I do hospice now......and I have to put my foot down quite often. Working 60hrs.....then on call from 5p-8a ....3 or 4 nights a week.......does not make a fun Lainey. :)
On the first: I have been friends with a member of the opposite sex for over 20 years. the friend is now married with 3 kids. Yes, platonic relationships can and do happen.
I know what you mean about a certain degree of natural attractiveness. The other side of that coin is that modern life doesn't allow most men to have great looks as a result of their jobs. Ninety-five percent of my work is in an office. The harder I work at my career, the less I'll do to keep myself fit. If I don't do something unnatural like lifting weights, I'll have no upper body at all. Most guys today are going to be in that position. You will easily find guys who can design their workouts to look as if they were digging fences all day, but you'll find fewer guys who have actually done that work.
From my perspective, one appearance advantage that women have is that a woman usually doesn't have to do more than be fit to have a reasonably good physique. A woman can have a very nice body without having a great deal of muscle definition. She has to do something to stay in shape, but she doesn't have to develop a great deal. Except for those few guys who still must do a great deal of manual labor in their work, the rest of us must find some kind of exercise program to give us even a reasonable amount of mass and definition.
I could be happy with someone who was nearly perfect in my eyes. Again, my definition of nearly perfect might be more encompassing than some would imagine, but I can't see myself saying, "No, I won't pursue her because I don't want someone that attractive."
I know what you mean about wishing you had more time and money to improve physically. If I weren't so busy and stressed with work and other issues, I'd be in better shape. I don't need a personal trainer. I just need time and need to relax enough to let myself work out effectively.
That’s neat to hear. Is there any advice that you’d like to give?
With the cost of ammunition rising, I'm having a hard time getting excited about buying more guns. Maybe I'd buy another .22, but I still don't have that much time to shoot the one I have. The new .32 magnum round, officially .327 Federal, is neat as a personal defense weapon, but I can't see myself wanting to spend the money for a gun that still won't be that much fun to shoot at the range. I've thought about getting a Pac-Lite receiver and barrel (http://www.tacticalsol.com/store/pc/viewPrd.asp?idcategory=4&idproduct=412) for my Ruger pistol, but for the price, I might just want to get a newer model entirely from Ruger.
Advice?
Not sure about that, cause everyone is different, but the main thing that I did was talk to the spouse. They knew we were already friends, and I told the person flat out that if I had been romantically interested than my friend wouldn’t have been single. They’d have been married to me.
I also said that if anyone ever said we were ‘running’ around behind everyones back, they better call me first cause there would be a fight. I don’t break up homes, and have the highest disgust for those who do. I told the spouse, I didn’t want to lose my friend, but if our ‘relationship’ made them uneasy I would let my friend ‘go’.
So, I guess my only advice would be...be honest. With your friend, with their spouse, and most important with yourself.
I had a friend who said getting married ruined his love life.
I had a wonderful platonic relationship with a man. I look very much like his sister (tall, athletic, blonde) and he prefers the petite exotic type, so he wasn’t attracted to me physically. I considered him my best friend, while I dated other people.
Then about two years ago he married a Hispanic woman 15 years younger than he and I are. She immediately forbade him to have any contact with me or to talk to my children. My kids were heartbroken. Selfish, stupid woman. She had nothing to be jealous of, and she hurt two innocent children. I forgive hurts to myself easily, but I do not readily forgive those who hurt my children.
I think it’s generally true that people of the opposite sex can’t have platonic friendships unless everyone is very happily married and of strong moral standards.
Brooke Burke...yes. She was married to a plastic surgeon.
Those are good points to make. Thanks!
That whole story is sad, and I’m sorry that you and your kids lost a friend. I’m also a little surprised that she would make that kind of move. If she wasn’t happy with his relationship with your family, I don’t see why she married him.
I seem to remember that. He did a great job with her.
I can’t believe they did not name it after Hank Aaron. Most people I know thought they would.
When I was in college, day and night didn't mean much to me either. In the work world, I like having daylight after work. I'm trying to get home in time to take walks in the evening. I need to do some serious walking to lose some serious weight.
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