Posted on 02/16/2008 6:38:35 PM PST by snugs
This weekend I thought we could consider what sort of image we have of ourselves and how does that impact our single status.
Do we think if only I was younger, prettier, more handsome, could loose a few pounds, get a more positive attitude, be more relaxed, not be so particular about things etc etc I would have a partner.
Or do you feel that it is not anything to do with you just that you have not met the right person yet?
Sometimes a poor self image can affect ones ability to attract someone of the opposite sex and we all the hype these days about how we should look, what we should wear, what we should eat, how we should behave etc etc and it is easy to fall into this trap.
I was thinking along these lines because today I was very pleased that a little weight I had put on since my birthday and over Christmas/New Year and was very pleased with myself which led me to remeber that I did not feel very proud of myself when I final accepted a couple of years ago that I had let myself go and put a lot of weight on and needed to loose it.
I had to get perspective though and realise the weight gain was a result of things going on in my life at the time which had not allowed my normal control mechanisms to kick in. Then not give myself a bad time but to be positive and do something about it. This I did and I after about 3 or 4 months I got back to my normal weight of around 112 pounds. As stated above I did put a little back on late last year but after Christmas was over addressed this and know that that I am back in control and listening to my body once again.
My first point being I could have been very depressed and been unable to do anything about this or acknowledge that probably I was depressed or had been and this is what had led to the weight gain in the first place through comfort eating.
My second point is that I also had to acknowledge whether I was fat or thin did not change the who I was and that I was the same person fat or thin but I did have a choice in the matter.
My third point being there are some things we can change such as weight or attitude but there are many things we cannot change about ourselves but we need to accept that or else it becomes a big issue and it will affect our daily lives.
Well these are a few of my thoughts tonight which leads me to ask you to consider the following questions.
1) Do you think it is your fault you are single and if so do you think you could have done or even still do anything to change this?
2) If you think it is your fault you are single are you resigned to being single because you feel you cannot do anything it.
3) If one of the reasons you believe you are single is because you have high standards, do you believe these are realistic standards or do you think you should consider relaxing some of them?
4) Do you think that sometimes a bad self image can cause you problems with the opposite sex as well as relationships with people of the same sex?
I realise some of these questions are quite personal and you may not wish to answer them directly but maybe instead you may wish to use examples both positive and negative ones you have observed in your life and whether you think they are relate in any way to ones single status.
Not wanting to end the introduction on down note but instead in positive mode lets have examples of achievements either in your own life or in people you know and how this can led to you feeling confident and positive either through your own achievements or belief if someone you know can do this then it is achievable to you too. During these periods does this influence your relationships in a positive manner?
I END MY THOUGHTS SAYING RELAX AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE THINGS YOU CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT AND DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP ABOUT THE THINGS YOU CANNOT.
ACCEPT THEM AND MOVE ON AND DO NOT LET THEM HINDER YOUR DAILY LIVES AND EVEN TURN WHAT YOU THINK ARE YOUR NEGATIVES INTO POSITIVES
RELAX AND BE POSITVE
Easy for some to say...
Thanks so much for the honesty, thoughts, and questions.
got beer?
Ok, I calmly accept the fact and I am positively sure it was Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. I think I will move to Australia
He had several bad things happen like typos and miss-spelling on Freerepublic. There are grammer police everywhere.
Snugs - Can you clear something up for me? I’ve been watching Gordon Ramsey and Gillian Keith and it appears that everybody makes (or should stop eating) Yorkshire pudding.
I looked it up and still don’t understand what it is, especially after seeing so many versions on TV. Is it a pastry? I saw one that was flat as a pancake and others that look like what we’d call a dinner roll.
What does it taste like? I read that you put fat at the bottom of the pan, ewww! What accounts for some being puffy and others not so much?
Just an aside - it appears from these shows that the English drink a boatload. I’m shocked at what these people, including women, put away. I went to the Univ of London in the 70s and remember students drinking beer in the student cafeteria. That was shocking too. If they’d been doing heroin I wouldn’t have been more surprised. You’d never see anything like that at an American school.
We do our drinking alone in our dorm rooms like you’re supposed to. : )
Grammar.
Just sayin...
Very good if you are a Catholic. There is a decent sized userbase and you can see the answers to the important 'Catholic' questions in the profile (to tell you just how much of a Catholic they really are.) The profile and photo features are the nicest of any internet site I've seen, too, and it has one BIG plus in my book that no other site has: body weight. This is a big advantage over Match.com where a lot of people who maybe go walking once a week or have done Yoga, you know, a few years ago list themselves as 'Athletic and Toned' when they really belong in the 'a few extra pounds' or 'I have buy my clothes at a special store' catagory. They also have a really decent personality profiler tool.
Not as good as Catholic Match but a much larger user base. Nice general features and unlike Catholic Match, there is no 'five paragraph minimum' in the open comment area. It also give you the chance to put up a nice summary tag-line (which is good if you are clever and witty - not so much if you aren't). It's probably the least expensive of the sites out there.
They have a good personality profiling system and you don't have to do the 'searching' yourself - they send you people they think will match with you. And unlike every other site, they would rather just tell you if you are the type of person they can't match rather than lie that they can and take your money. Now, my personal experience with this site was dismal. First, I have no idea what made them think the women they sent me matched with me. Second, you CANNOT set a filter based on body type. So if you like 'big' women, this is the place for you because that is pretty much all you are going to get. It's also the most expensive site among these three, and as a result, a lot of girls go through the questionnaire on impulse and then decide not to pay, so they can't reply to your messages (and possibly can't read them either).
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In conclusion, you ought to at least give this a try. Personally, I think I only have a 5% chance of meeting THE girl through this method and a 95% chance of meeting her in real life. However, I don't want to throw that 5% chance away. So far it's led to a few flings, a few friends that might become more, and a lot of dead ends. But you know how America song goes:
This is for all the single people
Thinking that love has left them dry
Dont give up until you drink from the silver cup
You never know until you try
It should be crispy on the outside and just a little puddeny inside.
You can do it as one large pudding in a roasting tin or use jam tart tins and do small individual ones or use what is referred to as a Yorkshire Pudding tin which does 4 medium sizes ones. I have one of those that dates back to the 1930s. You put oil/fat from the meat in the bottom and heat in the oven until boiling like you do when making cornbread.
Originally Yorkshire Pudding in Yorkshire was a starter served with Onion gravy or if you were very poor that might be your actual meal. Nowadays it is served with the roast dinner normally beef but a lot of English people serve it with any roast dinner.
I use a tradition Yorkshire recipe for mine and if I have any mixture left over I either make pancakes or waffles with it. It makes waffles that good for savoury toppings as there is no sugar in Yorkshire Pudding.
Sift 4oz flour and a pinch of salt together in a mixing bowl. Make awell in the centre of it. Add 2 eggs and gradually add 12/4 pint of milk and water and beat until smooth. If too thick add a little water it should be a pouring consistency rather than dropping - though not watery. Put a few drops of oil in the tin you are going to cook it in heat until boiling and pour in batter mix and bake in medium to hot oven until well risen and crisp. Serve immediately with roast dinner and gravy.
Here is some I made a few weeks ago
I believe some Americans call them popovers.
It should be puffy though like cakes if you open the oven it will go down and be heavy also if you make it with Self Raising Flour it will not rise and be as light as it would be with plain flour.
Good post, Dave. Your answer to #4 in particular is important, in my opinion.
You’ve said it all...so I don’t have to. ;-)
I do know of other people these sites have worked for, so you're right, they aren't totally without merit.
And I admit, I still have a Catholic Match profile (and a profile at Ave Maria Single Catholics, just in case. You never know!
Some people drink 10 or 12 pints at one session and even women think nothing of having 6 or 8 drinks in an evening regularly.
Personally I think drinking in the bar is better than in your room at least others can look out for you. Do you not have a Student Union Bar at your universities? In Britain that is seen as perk as you get it at club prices not pub prices which are always higher. Club in the sense of a Members club such as working mens Club or Social Club connected with a company or political party. Do you have something similar in the States?
What is "12/4" of a pint? How much is that in cups?
btw - heat in the oven until boiling like you do when making cornbread.
I have made cornbread for many years. I have never had it boil in the oven. As it gets warm, it goes from batter to solid, no boiling. I'd probably freak if I looked in the oven window and it was boiling! It should cook like a cake.
In my case I am British and I suspect the sites are US based also personal circumstances mean at present I have to remain single. So in a way you can say like Dave I am single by choice.
I am a care giver for my father and it would not be fair to go into a relationship at present as I often need to drop everything and go home. Dad broke his hip just under a year ago and due to stomach and bowel problems this has hampered his recovery.
I agree unless you love yourself you can love anyone else properly.
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