EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS

[Gopher Broke]

EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS

1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . ." My wife's going to have her baby in the cab !" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, Lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her under- wear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. " Big breaths,". . . I instructed. " Yes, they used to be,". . . replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a Wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a " massive internal fart."

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. " Which one ?". . . I asked. " The patch . . . the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it !" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked " How long have you been bedridden ?" After a look of complete confusion she answered . . ." Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Corvallis , OR

6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . ." So how's your breakfast this morning?" " It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste.". . . Bob replied. I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled " KY Jelly."

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered . . . It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read . . ." Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said " Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn."

Submitted by RN no name

AND FINALLY ! ! ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams.. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said . . ." I'm sorry. Was I tickling you ?" She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . . ." No doctor, but the song you were whistling was . . .' I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.' "

Dr. wouldn't submit his name

[glock rocks]

I have a friend at work who went to the sleep lab for apnea. He said they were going to set him up with a positive pressure mask thingy to sleep with.

I told him I had a spare Hilti pancake compressor that I'd give im... save him a bundle. He declined.

Now back to your original request... why on God's green earth would someone want to trap a skunk?

I'm going to pour me a pre-Daytona Black Jack and branch water and ponder that one out fer a short while. There's a nasty virus that acts like the flu going its routes nowadays. Look here.

[tubebender]

why on God's green earth would someone want to trap a skunk?

I don't but I'm sure certain members of your family would jump at the chance.

The pumps run $600 and up plus the mask is about $100. First Wife suggested I go to the pet store and buy a bubbler for a fish tank

[RebelTex]

DONE - added to Humor Ping list.

This is usually a low volume ping, as I don’t search for humor threads, but I do ping when I find something really funny.

Welcome aboard!

Here are a few that I consider classics:

Caveman Party
http://www.cavemanscrib.com/

The Left-Handed Gun
http://www.FreeRepublic.com/forum/a380cfd34316a.htm

Tech Support Call
http://www.FreeRepublic.com/forum/a381a8e9a122b.htm

Problem With Girlfriend Upgrade
http://www.FreeRepublic.com/forum/a37f4fa230d66.htm

Lighten Up (My Title - We need some humor today)
http://www.FreeRepublic.com/forum/a38bbdca355ac.htm

Wood found on Mars? Not Photoshoped - off the nasa website.
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1309365/posts

Dog Spit and Baldness: A hair-raising discovery (Dave Barry) LoL
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1352067/posts

Enjoy!
RT

[Ditter]

Thanks! Laughing is GOOD!

[redstates4ever]

*bookmark*