Posted on 02/12/2008 8:18:33 AM PST by Gopher Broke
EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS
1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . ." My wife's going to have her baby in the cab !" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, Lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her under- wear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. " Big breaths,". . . I instructed. " Yes, they used to be,". . . replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a Wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a " massive internal fart."
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. " Which one ?". . . I asked. " The patch . . . the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it !" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked " How long have you been bedridden ?" After a look of complete confusion she answered . . ." Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Corvallis , OR
6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . ." So how's your breakfast this morning?" " It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste.". . . Bob replied. I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled " KY Jelly."
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered . . . It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read . . ." Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said " Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn."
Submitted by RN no name
AND FINALLY ! ! ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams.. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said . . ." I'm sorry. Was I tickling you ?" She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . . ." No doctor, but the song you were whistling was . . .' I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.' "
Dr. wouldn't submit his name
Being the great friend I am, I followed him...
—
Oh the imagery..
you followed at a safe distance, no doubt.
btw, or so I hear, the last thing ya want to do is rip the stitches.
Nothing worse than a pile of greasy spoon restaurants and fast food joints every so many miles on the freeway. Abuse your colon at your own risk. We got truckin’ in the family so I know the drill. It ain’t purty.. (damn I could go for a greasy burger & fries and bowl of chili about now)
a bullet hole in the belly button and one at the fold of my right leg
keep him away!
He’s a brutal person when he knows you’re down!!!
That needs to change.
LOL... He wouldn't get within 10 feet of me the rest of the day. Lordy, the visual of that silly dog bouncing around was just sort of stuck in all of our minds. We couldn't even look at one another without busting out laughing. It was truly ridiculous. I'm sure the dawg was embarassed as well.
It sounds like a riot. Poor dog, poor Pete.
If I had a video of it, It’d be a youtube top ten :o)
Remind me on some future thread where it’s more appropriate, to tell you about the mouse in Pete’s basement ceiling that he went Elmer Fudd over.
OMG, I can’t even type no more I’m laughing so hard just thinking about this silly stuff.
Now that Delta goes to Eureka direct, Mom and the kids said they'd like to come over and visit around the 28th. I'll bring the flotation devices and mousetraps.
Please put me on your ping list.
be sure if you tell him ‘bout the mouse, that it wound up being a rat that caused it all
BTW, please put me on your rats in the ceiling ping list.
LMAO.
You mean there is some truth to all this? Here I thought he was filling the pail with fresh BS.
W’ell ain’t you a good friend.
That shiite hurts.
I know, I know. I was just tryin to help him stop laughing, cause I knew he was in a world of hurt.
I tried and tried. Dang, if I couldn’t keep him from laughing. Poor guy.
Every word is truth, I swear.
Wanna go to Eureka on the 28th?
A good friend helps you move.
A great friend helps you move bodies.
(Mark Twain was involved in this post somehow.)
Ain’t that the truth.
Ready for ‘tona?
Who’s the pilot?
Please bring your skunk trap and several gunny sacks.
I had a panic attack at the sleep center Thursday night and I feel it coming back but I think it’s a cold in disguise so this operation could get scrapped but your Mother and Kids are welcome. THEY were a class act...
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