HAPPY FRIDAY ALL!
bump
Yea!!!
Two men were driving through West Virginia when they got pulled over by a State Trooper. The cop walked up and tapped on the window with his nightstick. The driver rolled down the window and WHACK, the cop smacked him in the head with his nightstick.
“What the hell was that for?” the driver asked.
“You’re in West Virginia, son,” the trooper answered. “When we pull you over in West Virginia, you better have your license ready by the time we get to your car.”
“I’m sorry, officer,” the driver said, “I’m not from around here.”
The trooper runs a check on the guy’s license—he’s clean and gives the guy his license back.
The trooper then walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls down the window and “WHACK”, the trooper smacks him on the head with the nightstick.
“What’d you do that for?” the passenger demands.
“Just making your wish come true,” replied the trooper.
“Making WHAT wish come true?” the passenger asked.
“Because I know your type.” the trooper says, “Two miles down the road you’re gonna turn to your buddy and say,”I wish that asshole would’ve tried that shit with me”.
My SIL works for this village. I had a great laugh when I saw this sign.
top 20!
Here is a little test that will help you decide.
The answer can be found by posing the following question:
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.
You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot.
You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?
.................
THINK CAREFULLY:
Democrat's Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.
................................
Republican's Answer :
BANG!
............................................
Southerner's Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click.....
(Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click
Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?"
Son: "Can I shoot the next one!"
Wife: "You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist!
my favourite sign:
we can fix it quick and cheap, but it won’t be good,
we can fix it cheap and good, but it won’t be quick,
we can fix it quick and good, but it won’t be cheap!
Actual NYC street signs.
Eve’s side of the story
After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve.
“So, how is everything going?” inquired God.
“It is all so beautiful, God,” she replied. “The sunrises and sunsets are
breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, I have just
one problem . It’s these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes
the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. I do hate to complain but, they’re a real pain,” reported Eve.
Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in
pairs, her limbs, eyes, ears, etc., she felt that having just two breasts
might leave her body more “symmetrically balanced.”
“That’s a fair point,” replied God, “but it was my first shot at this, you
know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only
half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.”
So God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the
bushes.
Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden. “Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?”
“Just fantastic,” she replied, but for one oversight. “You see, all the
animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram, and the cow has her bull. All
the animals have a mate except me. Sometimes I feel so alone.”
God thought for a moment and said, “You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Now let’s see, where did I put that useless boob?”
Now doesn’t THAT make more sense than that stuff about the rib?
