Posted on 03/16/2007 8:05:14 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
We celebrate Saint Patrick's Day each year on March 17th. The festive holiday has everyone wearing green (so they don't get pinched) and chatting of four leaf clovers, shamrocks, lucky leprechauns, drinking green beer and kissing some big rock called a blarney stone.
Want to be lucky this St. Patrick's Day? Follow this advice:
1. Find a four-leaf clover. 
2. Wear green (so you don't get pinched).
3. Kiss the blarney stone. 
4. Catch a Leprechaun if you can.
5. Drink as much green beer as your heart desires. 
6. And don't forget that corned beef and cabbage.
"May your blessings outnumber the shamrocks that grow and may trouble avoid you wherever you go!"
-Irish Blessing
It's the leprechauns that pinch. And you don't want to make them mad. Have you seen Leprechaun? *shudder*
THANK YOU!
(Though I'll be hiding from the craziness).
Are leprachauns that scary!?!
A young Irish girl goes into her priest on Saturday morning for confession.
"Father, forgive me for I have Thinned."
"You've Thinned?"
"Yes, I went out with me boyfriend Friday night. He held me hand twice, kissed me three times, and made love to me two times."
"Daughter! I want you to go straight home, squeeze seven lemons into a glass, and drink it straight down."
"Will that wash away me Thin?"
"No, but it will get the silly smile off your face."
I've never understood how pouring green food coloring in coors light qualifies as Irish.
Real Irish Stout...
Paddy and Murphy are knocking back a few pints of Guinness at the local and in walks O'Rourk. He says,
"did ye hear about O'Hara dyin last night?" Paddy and Murphy, in shock exclaim,
"No! Poor O'Hara. Has anyone told his wife?"
O'Rourk says "No she hasn't been told yet, but i'll get sweet talking Patrick to tell her. He is such a sweet talker and so good with words that he can talk the fish out of the brook and the birds out of the trees."
They leave to find Patrick and as they are leaving in he walks and says
"Good Mornin to ye all lads, a pint on me for everyone."
O'Rourk tells Patrick the sad news about O'Hara dyin and asks him to break the news very gently to his wife, as she doesn't yet know. Patrick, the sweet talker says, "I will be glad to have a chat with O'Hara's wife and I'll break it so gently to her that a whimper is all she'll utter. Im a man of words and I can charm the fish from the brook and the birds from the trees. Don't worry lads, I'll take care of this. They don't call me sweet talker for nuttin.
Well, off they all go to O'Hara's house. Patrick knocks on the door and O'Hara's wife answers and says,
"Yes may I help you?"
Sweet talking Patrick steps forward and at attention says,
"Are you the widow O'Hara?"
To which the woman responds, "My name is O'Hara but I'm not a widow."
Sweet talking Patrick braces himself and exclaims, "Shite you aint."
Sure, but this thread is owned...
Speaking of St. Patrick's day, here's some lobster humor! (It's all I got) 
...by meself!
O'Connell was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg. "Please, God," he implored, "let it be blood!"
Great minds..
BOONDOCK SAINTS
Yesssssssssssssssssss!!!
Best movie ever!
I don't blame ya.
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after
his Sunday morning service and she's in tears.
He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news.
My husband passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible.
Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"
She says, "That he did, Father."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? "
She says, He said,
'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'
Shamus asked Paddy how he got his black eye.
"You'd never believe it," said Paddy, "but I got it in church."
He said he had been sitting behind a fat lady and when they stood for a hymn, he noticed her dress was creased into the cheeks of her bottom.
"All I did was lean forward and pull it out and she turned around and hit me." Said Paddy.
A week later Shamus was surprised to see Paddy had another black eye.
"I got this one in church, too," explained Paddy.
He said he found himself behind the same fat woman and when they stood for a hymn her dressed was once again creased into the cheeks of her bottom.
"My little nephew reached forward and pulled it out. But I knew she didn't like that, so I leaned over and tucked it back."
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.