Dog Store Sign Angers Seattle Residents
Howdy.
Present.
Good Morning all. It's Friday and our forecast for this week end is SNOW and lot's of it, 10 to 16 inches. The family and I are so excited. Hubby hasn't had to fire up the snow blower at all so far this winter. The Kid has discovered capitalism
(getting paid by the neighbors to help with shoveling). Big Kid hours at work cut because of lack of snow (no broken snow blowers). Me, I just like to romp in the snow with the Dog, who has never experienced a deep snow fall yet. Let it snow!!!
My lucky rocketship underpants are in the wash (and I am NOT gonna put them on until they are clean this time), the proxy is now blocking the site with all the Calvin 'n' Hobbes archives, and somebody set the alarm clock for the 2008 Presidential Elections 18 MONTHS TOO EARLY.
I haven't even had the chance to get my exploratory committee announced.
I plan to run as a Democrat.
First I'll attack the US Military as being an attempt by men to compensate for their tiny winkies. Then I'll announce that I'm actually a transgendered lesbian who's been unable to get an abortion because a homophobic self-righteous God trapped me in a male body.
Then I'll name a Redwood Tree as my running mate because America doesn't show nearly enough respect to Native Americans or plant species.
1) It'll be entertaining to watch Clinton, Obama, and Edwards try to go left of that.
2) I can live off the campaign contributions for a while.
I should rake in about $10.5 billion.
Shalom.
"Yes, Father?" said the nurse.
"I would really like to see Senator's Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton before I die." whispered the priest.
"I'll see what I can do, Father" replied the nurse. The nurse sent the request to the Senate and waited for a response.
Soon the word arrived, Senator's Kennedy and Clinton would be delighted to visit the priest. As they went to the hospital, Hilary commented to Teddy, "I don't know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly will help our images and might even get me elected President. After all, I'm IN IT TO WIN IT." Kennedy agreed--it was a good thing.
When they arrived at the priest's room, the priest took Ted's hand in his right hand and Hillary's hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest's face. Finally Senator Kennedy spoke. "Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?"
The old priest slowly replied "I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." Amen" said Teddy. "Amen" said Hillary.
The old priest continued... "He died between two lying thieves. I would like to do the same."
"You know, Doc, I've never felt younger. I'm in great shape. And my 30-year-old wife is pregnant! What do you think of that??!!"
The doctor said, "I have a patient who loves to hunt. One trip he was in a hurry to get out to the camp. When he got there he discovered he had brought his umbrella instead of his rifle, but he went out the next morning anyway. On the bank of the river he saw a beaver so he picked up his umbrella, pointed it at the beaver, and yelled 'BANG!' The beaver fell over dead. What do you think of that?"
"I'd say somebody else shot the beaver," said the old man.
"My point exactly," was the doctor's reply.
Shalom.
Shalom.
Lets blow this test and head for the beach!
M: Ah. I'd like to have an argument, please.
R: Certainly sir. Have you been here before?
M: No, I haven't, this is my first time.
R: I see. Well, do you want to have just one argument, or were you thinking of taking a course?
M: Well, what is the cost?
R: Well, It's one pound for a five minute argument, but only eight pounds for a course of ten.
M: Well, I think it would be best if I perhaps started off with just the one and then see how it goes.
R: Fine. Well, I'll see who's free at the moment.
Pause
R: Mr. DeBakey's free, but he's a little bit conciliatory.
Ahh yes, Try Mr. Barnard; room 12.
M: Thank you.
(Walks down the hall. Opens door.)
Q: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
M: Well, I was told outside that...
Q: Don't give me that, you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings!
M: What?
Q: Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, coffee-nosed, maloderous, pervert!!!
M: Look, I CAME HERE FOR AN ARGUMENT, I'm not going to just stand...!!
Q: OH, oh I'm sorry, but this is abuse.
M: Oh, I see, well, that explains it.
Q: Ah yes, you want room 12A, Just along the corridor.
M: Oh, Thank you very much. Sorry.
Q: Not at all.
M: Thank You.
(Under his breath) Stupid git!!
(Walk down the corridor)
M: (Knock)
A: Come in.
M: Ah, Is this the right room for an argument?
A: I told you once.
M: No you haven't.
A: Yes I have.
M: When?
A: Just now.
M: No you didn't.
A: Yes I did.
M: You didn't
A: I did!
M: You didn't!
A: I'm telling you I did!
M: You did not!!
A: Oh, I'm sorry, just one moment. Is this a five minute argument or the full half hour?
M: Oh, just the five minutes.
A: Ah, thank you. Anyway, I did.
M: You most certainly did not.
A: Look, let's get this thing clear; I quite definitely told you.
M: No you did not.
A: Yes I did.
M: No you didn't.
A: Yes I did.
M: No you didn't.
A: Yes I did.
M: No you didn't.
A: Yes I did.
M: You didn't.
A: Did.
M: Oh look, this isn't an argument.
A: Yes it is.
M: No it isn't. It's just contradiction.
A: No it isn't.
M: It is!
A: It is not.
M: Look, you just contradicted me.
A: I did not.
M: Oh you did!!
A: No, no, no.
M: You did just then.
A: Nonsense!
M: Oh, this is futile!
A: No it isn't.
M: I came here for a good argument.
A: No you didn't; no, you came here for an argument.
M: An argument isn't just contradiction.
A: It can be.
M: No it can't. An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition.
A: No it isn't.
M: Yes it is! It's not just contradiction.
A: Look, if I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position.
M: Yes, but that's not just saying 'No it isn't.'
A: Yes it is!
M: No it isn't!
A: Yes it is!
M: Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of any statement the other person makes.
(short pause)
A: No it isn't.
M: It is.
A: Not at all.
M: Now look.
A: (Rings bell) Good Morning.
M: What?
A: That's it. Good morning.
M: I was just getting interested.
A: Sorry, the five minutes is up.
M: That was never five minutes!
A: I'm afraid it was.
M: It wasn't.
Pause
A: I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue anymore.
M: What?!
A: If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes.
M: Yes, but that was never five minutes, just now. Oh come on!
A: (Hums)
M: Look, this is ridiculous.
A: I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid!
M: Oh, all right.
(pays money)
A: Thank you.
short pause
M: Well?
A: Well what?
M: That wasn't really five minutes, just now.
A: I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid.
M: I just paid!
A: No you didn't.
M: I DID!
A: No you didn't.
M: Look, I don't want to argue about that.
A: Well, you didn't pay.
M: Aha. If I didn't pay, why are you arguing? I Got you!
A: No you haven't.
M: Yes I have. If you're arguing, I must have paid.
A: Not necessarily. I could be arguing in my spare time.
M: Oh I've had enough of this.
A: No you haven't.
M: Oh Shut up.
(Walks down the stairs. Opens door.)
M: I want to complain.
C: You want to complain! Look at these shoes. I've only had them three weeks and the heels are worn right through.
M: No, I want to complain about...
C: If you complain nothing happens, you might as well not bother.
M: Oh!
C: Oh my back hurts, it's not a very fine day and I'm sick and tired of this office.
(Slams door. walks down corridor, opens next door.)
M: Hello, I want to... (thump)Ooooh!
H: No, no, no. Hold your head like this, then go Waaah. Try it again.
M: (thump)uuuwwhh!!
H: Better, Better, but Waah, Waah! Put your hand there.
M: No.
H: Now..
M: (thump)Waaaaah!!!
H: Good, Good! That's it.
M: Stop hitting me!!
H: What?
M: Stop hitting me!!
H: Stop hitting you?
M: Yes!
H: Why did you come in here then?
M: I wanted to complain.
H: Oh no, that's next door. It's being-hit-on-the-head lessons in here.
M: What a stupid concept.
Shalom.