The minister's message was that many of us don't go deep enough in friendship and don't commit to marriage due to fear of rejection (or fatalistic fear of eventual divorce) -- or selfishness -- an attitude that THIS person X that I know, well, they just don't measure up to all the mandatory requirements on my unspoken checklist of demands.
Only time will tell whether someone will become your friend. You can't rush that. If one person is doing all the 'heavy lifting' in the relationship, be aware of this and act with wisdom.
so, does that mean don't have a checklist? it isn't demands....but it is a list of things i am looking for, and things from the past relationships that were bad that i don't want again.
Something that a friend said to me once stuck with me and I think is good advice.
The test is not can I live with this person but can I live without this person - not in a clinging dependant way but in a positive sharing all life's trials and tribulations.