Posted on 12/21/2006 8:35:52 AM PST by Red Badger
Tongue in Cheek List Will Make Your Day
May be Contrary to What is Recommended – But it’s Christmas!
Holiday Season, Everywhere, 2006 –
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. If you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door; they're serving rum balls over there.
holidays.jpg 2. Drink as much eggnog as you can – quickly; like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for us. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy -- it does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. At a Christmas party you eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table, carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog (see above.)
7. If you see something really good, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, stand near them and don't budge. Snarf down as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. The same goes for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. If you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you have a shot at more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have SOME standards!
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
Remember this motto; live by it during the holiday season:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, totally worn out and screaming, "What a ride!"
Yes,
we can be too thin,
and for that phrase alone, Wallace Simpson earned an extra toasty place in hell :)
I once read that the term "High Mucky-Muck" was some Indian term for "Man with lots of food"..........
Way too long for a tagline...
Momma potatoes:
Mash with sour cream, milk, and diced onions.
Pour into pie dish.
Pats of butter on top. Lots!
Under the broiler til brown and crusty.
MMMMMMMMMMMM
And "vegetarian" is indian for "Bad Hunter".
My philosophy as well. One hellofa ride.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.