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Vanity: Festivus is Near!
12/14/06
| llevrok
Posted on 12/14/2006 9:32:49 PM PST by llevrok
Please share your Festivus stories. The happy memories and sad.
TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: airingofgrievances; featsofstrength; festivus; festivusmiracles
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1
posted on
12/14/2006 9:32:51 PM PST
by
llevrok
To: llevrok
I can remember when there was no such thing as "Festivus."
THOSE were the days, let me tell you!
2
posted on
12/14/2006 9:34:28 PM PST
by
decal
("Never allow a nervous female to have access to a pistol, no matter what you're wearing")
To: llevrok; HoustonCurmudgeon; bobbyd; Eaker; humblegunner; Xenalyte
Last year my Festivus pole was stolen and is now in a local strip club. Given that I neither drink nor care for hookers, I shall never see it again. I get sad just thinking about it!
3
posted on
12/14/2006 9:36:45 PM PST
by
TWfromTEXAS
(We are at war - Man up or Shut up.)
To: decal
I can remember when there was no such thing as "Festivus."We were so naive and young then....
4
posted on
12/14/2006 9:38:04 PM PST
by
llevrok
(My seat back is never in the full and upright position.)
To: TWfromTEXAS
Last year my Festivus pole was stolen and is now in a local strip clubWe share your pain.
5
posted on
12/14/2006 9:39:17 PM PST
by
llevrok
(My seat back is never in the full and upright position.)
To: llevrok
Thank you, it has been most distressing.
6
posted on
12/14/2006 9:42:23 PM PST
by
TWfromTEXAS
(We are at war - Man up or Shut up.)
To: TWfromTEXAS
That's a great Airing of Grievances!
7
posted on
12/14/2006 9:52:38 PM PST
by
JRios1968
(Tagline wanted...inquire within)
To: TWfromTEXAS
should you, could you ever see a way in your heart to replace it, here is a link.....
http://www.festivuspoles.com/pages/Festivuspoles.htm
8
posted on
12/14/2006 9:52:48 PM PST
by
llevrok
(My seat back is never in the full and upright position.)
To: MotleyGirl70
They're playing your song!
9
posted on
12/14/2006 10:08:00 PM PST
by
JennysCool
(This is the United, not Diverse, States of America.)
To: llevrok
It's not as commercial as it should be, IMHO.
10
posted on
12/14/2006 10:22:41 PM PST
by
Rte66
To: llevrok; decal; TWfromTEXAS; JRios1968; JennysCool
My worst Festivus story took place last year.
I don't remember much before or after the incident, because it "just happened".
He was just south of seven feet tall and half as wide from east to west. He stunk like hot garbage and he drooled so much as to thoroughly wet his own chest. There he was, just slobbering and staring at me. So I did what any man might do. I stripped myself naked and started doing the "macarena".
It wasn't long before he responded with several growls and even more slobber. Then, all at once, I came to the realization that this was a stare down. So I took a four point stance, the way we used to do in football, and stared him in the eyes. I stared and stared and the wind began to make me tired, but I kept on. We both knew, somehow, that the first one that blinked would surely die. And so it was the battle of the blinks. And then I grew tired. And weary. And dry in the eyes.
So I put my elbows upon my knees so as to not ruin my stance, and I raised my hands to my eyes and used my thumbs and forefingers to keep my lids open and prevent a blink. He did the same.
And then he started to suck wind through his nose like no beast before him. And tears came to his eyes. And he finally sneezed, and not even his meaty fingers could prevent his blinking. And as he fell to Hell I heard him say, "....................damn."
Well, damn you, Festivus monster. Damn you to Hell.
11
posted on
12/14/2006 10:34:59 PM PST
by
Jaysun
(Let's not ruin this moment with words.)
To: TWfromTEXAS
Last year my Festivus pole was stolen and is now in a local strip club. Given that I neither drink nor care for hookers, I shall never see it again. I get sad just thinking about it!Don't worry.... we'll handle it.....no prob!
12
posted on
12/14/2006 10:35:32 PM PST
by
bobbyd
(Flyer, I love and miss you...Lords best my FRiend)
To: llevrok
Ah, Festivus memories!
My husband introduced me to the idea of Festivus; it was just the two of us, and I was all prepared for "the airing of grievances"...
but then I set eyes upon his large and unusually sturdy Festivus pole, with it's exceptionally high strength-to-weight ratio. I was so awestruck by it's plain unadorned poleness I forgot the grievance I was to air. Immediately thereafter, I lost the "feats of strength" wrestling match I had with him, and had nothing better to do for a long time.
Oh Festivus!
To: llevrok
Gallo wine is $5.95 a gallon...
It's another Festivus miracle!!!
14
posted on
12/14/2006 11:35:20 PM PST
by
sully777
(You have flies in your eyes--Catch-22)
To: llevrok; Slings and Arrows; martin_fierro; Allegra
15
posted on
12/14/2006 11:41:20 PM PST
by
sully777
(You have flies in your eyes--Catch-22)
To: TWfromTEXAS; llevrok; bobbyd
Given that I neither drink nor care for hookers... It is so sad when a son refuses to follow in his dads footsteps! :-(
16
posted on
12/15/2006 11:43:45 AM PST
by
HoustonCurmudgeon
(FReepers - We put the gin back in bloggin’.)
To: windcliff; onedoug
To: stylecouncilor
"A Festivus for the rest of us." --Frank Costanza
18
posted on
12/15/2006 1:24:56 PM PST
by
onedoug
To: llevrok
We will get to the feats of strength as soon as I tell everyone how you disappointed me this year.
19
posted on
12/15/2006 1:31:12 PM PST
by
Vision
("As a man thinks...so is he." Proverbs 23:7)
To: Cagey
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