[meandog]

#5 sounds just like Ellen Ratner.

[MeanWestTexan]

Those need to be worked together into a story about a young couple in love.

[JRios1968]

It was a dark and stormy night...

[Izzy Dunne]

This is funny if the writers are in third grade.

If the writers are in college, not so much.

[ken5050]

These have to be real..No way anyone could make them up..

[Froufrou]

1. He needed to lose weight. There was a 36 inch waste in his pants.

2. It is wrong to have sex except to have kids. Sex is for re-creation.

[prognostigaator]

*

[So Cal Rocket]

These poorly written analogies make you want to laugh and cringe at the same time, like the time your dad poured sour milk on your brother's Rice Krispies and you sat there watching him take the first spoonful into his mouth.

[San Jacinto]

This one is more like science class than English, but the teacher's attempt to explain the relative sizes of the planets caused her student to ask, "So if Mars was a ping-pong ball, would Uranus be the size of a grapefruit?"

[CSM]

Thanks, I needed a good laugh today.

[cowboyway]

I found these very funny, like watching a Seinfeld rerun again for the first time.

[Dracian]

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

This is too derivative of Douglas Adams. This must have been a contest to write the worst analogy. Most of these look like they were written with that in mind, rather than unintentionally.

[Charles Henrickson]

A day without orange juice is like a day without sunshine, which is like . . . night.

[SoothingDave]

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

I'm supposed to believe that high school students are making metaphors using pop culture references from when they were in diapers?

SD

[Charles Henrickson]

I never metaphor I didn't "like."

[Malsua]

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

Ooooh, great idea for a youtube video.

[JamesP81]

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

Drink alert!

I enjoy writing on the side (not published yet) but not even I was this bad in high school, and that's saying something because I've been pretty bad before.

[JamesP81]

#23 is LOL funny.

[jocon307]

"17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River."

That is TOO GOOD! Having grown up by the East River I can really appreciate this one!

[Slings and Arrows]

Those are not from high-school essays - they are entries from the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, where writers compete to write the worst opening sentence for a novel. Still bad, but intentionally so.

[Irish_Thatcherite]

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

By Linda Lovelace....