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Oldie but goodie...why English teachers die young
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Posted on 09/26/2006 12:31:56 PM PDT by meandog
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To: Dracian
This is too derivative of Douglas Adams. This must have been a contest to write the worst analogy. Most of these look like they were written with that in mind, rather than unintentionally.
You may be right. In fact, re-read #9 except imagine it being spoken by a narrarator with an english accent.
41
posted on
09/26/2006 2:00:59 PM PDT
by
JamesP81
(The answer always lies with more freedom; not less)
To: Gay State Conservative
"Like I always say, 'If you want something done right, kill Baldrick before you begin.'"
To: JRios1968
It's a nice night for an evening.
43
posted on
09/26/2006 2:05:46 PM PDT
by
groovejedi
((Bolton For Prez!!))
To: meandog
"17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River."
That is TOO GOOD! Having grown up by the East River I can really appreciate this one!
44
posted on
09/26/2006 3:03:28 PM PDT
by
jocon307
(The Silent Majority - silent no longer)
To: ken5050
Yeah and who would want to make them up, that would just be a waste of everyone's time.
45
posted on
09/26/2006 3:06:19 PM PDT
by
LukeL
(Never let the enemy pick the battle site. (Gen. George S. Patton))
To: meandog; MeekOneGOP; Conspiracy Guy; DocRock; King Prout; SandyInSeattle; Darksheare; OSHA; ...
Those are not from high-school essays - they are entries from the
Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, where writers compete to write the worst opening sentence for a novel. Still bad, but intentionally so.
46
posted on
09/26/2006 3:42:53 PM PDT
by
Slings and Arrows
("Burglar drops dresser, shot in chest, fills drawers." --Titan Magroyne)
To: meandog; Slings and Arrows
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. By Linda Lovelace....
47
posted on
09/26/2006 3:52:31 PM PDT
by
Irish_Thatcherite
(A vote for Bertie Ahern is a vote for Gerry Adams!|What if I lecture Americans about America?)
To: Slings and Arrows
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup. I like this one. Does that mean I have no taste?
To: Harmless Teddy Bear
I like this one. Does that mean I have no taste? It means you do have taste, just like vegetable soup.
49
posted on
09/26/2006 3:55:07 PM PDT
by
Slings and Arrows
("Burglar drops dresser, shot in chest, fills drawers." --Titan Magroyne)
To: meandog; JRios1968; Mr. Mojo; wolf24; SevenofNine
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
LOL!!
50
posted on
09/26/2006 3:58:54 PM PDT
by
MikefromOhio
("...America has confronted evil before, and we have defeated it...")
To: MikefromOhio; meandog; Mr. Mojo; wolf24; SevenofNine; phantomworker; Dashing Dasher; EveningStar
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
51
posted on
09/26/2006 4:12:11 PM PDT
by
JRios1968
(Tagline wanted...inquire within)
To: Dracian
This is too derivative of Douglas Adams.
Some of them reminds me of Jack Handy's sort of humor (Deep Thoughts from SNL). I also agree that all of these were intentionally written to be bad/funny.
To: Charles Henrickson; All
All the analogies above (verbatim) and more on
this page.
53
posted on
09/26/2006 5:23:44 PM PDT
by
mikrofon
(I'm, like, Mike)
To: JRios1968
That's cute.
54
posted on
09/26/2006 5:29:49 PM PDT
by
phantomworker
(A life spent in making mistakes is more honorable & more useful than a life spent in doing nothing.)
To: meandog
Her rear end had that full textured movement, like a bag of doorknobs swinging from a bungee.
55
posted on
09/26/2006 7:07:53 PM PDT
by
ovrtaxt
(We gotta watch out for the Hellbazoo and the Hamas...)
To: Charles Henrickson; meandog; mikrofon; dighton; Tijeras_Slim; aculeus; Thinkin' Gal
These similes are as thought-provoking as "A Wellsley Wench" (
Part 1) (
Part 2)
56
posted on
09/26/2006 7:40:21 PM PDT
by
martin_fierro
(Written by committee)
To: meandog
My favorite
"Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do."
57
posted on
09/26/2006 7:45:28 PM PDT
by
Vision
("As a man thinks...so is he." Proverbs 23:7)
To: Dracian
They're not analogies--they're similes...
To: meandog
LOL I've seen this before!
But actually, given the quality of English taught these days, it's more like "Why English STUDENTS die young"
To: meandog
Actual excerpts from college application essays:
"I was on the honor role every year in high school"
"I was indicted into the National Honors Society" <--that one's hilarious! (they meant to write "inducted")
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