Soused Star Trek [Long]

Modern Drunkard Magazine ^ | ??? | Frank Kelly Rich

[Slings and Arrows]

Make no mistake—Captain Kirk and his crew were cowboys and they treated the universe like the Wild West. There was always a lot of solemn talk about the Prime Directive and not interfering with native cultures, but that went right out the window the moment Kirk laid eyes on the first attractive female of whatever species they came across. Sure, they solved a lot of problems, but half the time they were solving problems they created. The crew of the original Enterprise wasn’t trying to unite the universe, they weren’t trying to right the universe’s many and sundry wrongs—they were looking for kicks.

And alcohol played and essential role in that quest.

[Slings and Arrows]

Warning: Containing strong language, unkind comments about Vulcans.

[Slings and Arrows]

Nowyouknow...whyShatnertalks..likethis!

[Jet Jaguar]

(Vulcans are the designated drivers of the Universe)


Poor guys.

[ConservativeMind]

You missed it earlier!

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1672228/posts

[Slings and Arrows]

That's me - always a day short and a dollar late.

[Enterprise]

bump

[JennysCool]

Hey, good post even if late! Modern Drunkard is truly one of the funniest sites around.

[rock58seg]

"To boldly go where no-one has gone before."

How come there was usually somebody there when they arrived?

[JennysCool]

THAT is a VERY good point!

[Dallas59]

You have a dollar???

[Slings and Arrows]

"To boldly go where no-one has gone before."

How come there was usually somebody there when they arrived?

And why did those somebodies usually have large breasts?

[martin_fierro]

Did you happen to catch the video clips of the William Shatner Roast from earlier this week? OW!

[rock58seg]

And why did those somebodies usually have large breasts?

Gee! I never noticed that before. I followed the series because of William Shatners "stellar" acting and the complex story lines. I also read playboy at that age for the articles.

[MortMan]

And why did those somebodies usually have large breasts?

If you have to ask why, you just might not understand the answer! ;-P

[Slings and Arrows]

Highly illogical.

[MortMan]

Fascinating.

[Paul Ross]

Indeed, but such wonderful language it is...look at how they termed the three musketeers of the originial Enterprise:

Then Kirk and his boys came along. Kirk could not only hold his own with the extraterrestrial hooch, he was backed up by a hard-pounding crew. Spock wasn’t much help (Vulcans are the designated drivers of the Universe),

but Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy thought so little of the potent alien liquors he administered them as cough syrup. And he had skills too, when he wasn’t wiping out planetary epidemics and pronouncing any number of security crewmen dead, he was concocting cocktails that that would become infamous from one end of the galaxy to the other.

And Scotty, don’t get me started on that beautiful SOB. Born and bred to it like a bird dog, this Aberdeen son could drink a transporter room full of aliens under the table then whistle Tura-lura-lura all the way back to his private stash of scotch.

These three walk in a Klingon pub and half an hour later Klingon heads are hitting tables like Bacchus’s own drum roll.

[Titan Magroyne]

TFF! Thanks for that romp through nostalgia!

[Slings and Arrows]

You're welcome. Kirk was the original space environmentalist - after he'd decimate an alien race he'd singlehandedly repopulate it.

[Titan Magroyne]

Considerate fellow, that Captain Kirk.

Let's not neglect a moment of silence for every previously unmet crew member who showed up in the first 5 minutes of an episode. Destined to die, the poor slob.