Posted on 08/11/2006 4:56:58 PM PDT by wagglebee
Note: A FReeper who wishes to remain anonymous has asked me to post her story of her abortion and the grief and redemption that followed. She does not seek your sympathy, she merely has a desire to possibly help young women avoid the same mistake.
In reading her story, one particular portion of Scripture came to mind:
If we acknowledge our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from every wrongdoing.
If we say, "We have not sinned," we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. (1 John 1: 9-10)
Here is her story:
Once upon a time, in 1968 or 69, (I was taking so many drugs I don't remember exactly), I lived in a midwest city known for wild living and leftist politics. I was living the life of sex, drugs and rock'n'roll. Being fed on the lies of hedonism with no responsibilitiy, having been taught that there is no God in control, that you make up your own rules, and I was beyond wild. HAving read all the "right" books (Marcuse, Alan Watts, Existentialism, Stranger in a Strange Land, and more I can't remember), I felt it was my duty to break every rule of morality I could find.
The misery, loneliness, and shame I hid underneath a cloud of marijuana and hashish smoke, and lived in the subculture of degradation, with similar people who thought that we were the elite who knew "where it was at". One night, and it disgusts and shames to to write this, I had sex with two men, one after the other. I doubt if I knew their last names. I didn't really crave to, I just felt that my body didn't belong to me (and didn't believe in God, so didn't think it belonged to Him), and just rode the wave of what was happening. It was a miserble and nasty experience. The attention of men in lust was a poor substitute for real love.
In a few weeks I discovered I was pregnant. Of course neither man was capable of or desiring to have any real relationship with me or any child. I worked a lowly job, shared a house with similar fools, and had not a real friend in the world. The only option I thought of was abortion, which was legal in that state under certain circumstances. I don't even remember who brought me to the abortuary or how I paid for it. Maybe relatives paid. I was almost continually in a state of intoxication, either alcohol or drugs.
The "doctor" who helped me kill my child said nothing to me about fetal development, options, danger to myself, the possibility of adoption, or anything else. It was as "routine" as getting a wisdom tooth extracted.
After the crime of killing my baby, I was emptier than before, with another layer of hardness around my heart. I don't remember physical pain, although there may have been some. The pregnancy was filled with nausea, and now that I look back (after having had two children), I can see there was a maternal spark there that could have been fanned into life under different influences.
After that I moved to California and dove headfirst into a wildness of crazy behavior even more extreme. I won't go into details of my exploits, but I am lucky to be alive. If AIDS had been around then, I would have caught it. My shameful sexual excess knew no bounds - and at the same time, there was not a drop of "pleasure" in it. I even wanted to try out for porn movies, with a girl friend. Luckily they refused us, no doubt could see we were too green.
What happened? Long story, suffice to say I found God, or He found me. The crime of abortion is only one of many I have committed, and the past darkness of my life is now a bad dream. Later I met a woman about my age who had been pregnant around the same time, but had the baby and gave him up for adoption. If only I had known! If only someone had approached me and told me about the development of babies in the womb, and how they feel pain! If only I had seen an abortion protester with information! If only I had read an ad from people offering to adopt my baby!
To this day tears fill my eyes when I consider the terrible crime I committed, the pain I caused a living child, ripping him or her from my womb, I beg God's forgiveness when I think of what I did, and wish with all my heart that abortion was illegal, and maternity homes for unwed mothers were brought back for unfortunate girls as in the past.
People need to be taught right from wrong, and I applaud all pro-life workers. Every woman or girl who is influenced to save the life of her unborn baby will not have to carry the pain in her heart that I carry.
The destruction of the family, chastity and virtue is ruining countess millions of lives and will destroy society if not turned around. It almost ruined my life. God is so wonderful He can change the heart of the worst sinner.
Whats so truly sad is that even today (or maybe especially today) women are still being pressured into abortions.. My wife is the office/personnel manager at a large restaurant which has about 100 servers , 60%+ female , she is well liked there and has had several women over the years confide in her that they are pregnant and need a day off for an abortion ... I know from their hiring practices that these are above average IQ , mostly college grad employees... in each case my wife has assured them that their jobs will remain secure and that she will fudge the books to get them on the insurance plan if they continue the pregnancy ,, of the ones that aborted I can tell you that they were all fired (by other managers who were not "in the know") for the same reason within a few months ,, drug abuse/not showing up/depression ruining their customer rapport....
This subject is impossible to ignore as it affects every one of us... we were all born (thank GOD) , I was adopted as an infant in the early 60's ,, and probably wouldn't be here if I was conceived a few years later... My wife and I were always very careful about birth control until the time we were ready to start a family and even then we had to confront this ugliness as being over 35 our HMO insisted on a series of extra genetic tests and the screening showed a trisomy-18 error which is 100% fatal usually shortly after week 20 but sometimes up to the last few weeks ,, luckily the screening test was a false positive but I would have been in a very uncomfortable position of voting for the most humane abortion possible at the earliest possible time to reduce the physical trauma to my wife.
I know only one woman who aborted her child and will talk about it. Both she and her husband (who probably was the father of the child) claim that it was the right thing to do because they were not yet married whe she became pregnant. They are amoral people, however, and we are no longer friends with them. She has had many affairs since her marriage, which her husband knows about and appears to encourage. She has had an unhappy life, in my opinion, and has spread her unhappiness to those around her.
Excellent comments, Yaelle.
ping
Pro-life bump.
"nce upon a time, in 1968 or 69, (I was taking so many drugs I don't remember exactly), I lived in a midwest city known for wild living and leftist politics."
Given that abortion was illegal throughout the midwest, I think you should tell this Freeper that she should change the timeframe on her story. Otherwise, people might think she just made it up for effect.
Abortion was legalized in Colorado in 1967.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abortion_in_the_United_States
Moreover, this woman is from an affluent family and there have always been private doctors that broke the law and performed abortions, and there were many European countries that allowed it at the time.
The honesty is important to her story.
I just think that either setting it later or setting it somewhere it could have actually happened will make for a more believable, and therefore more effecive, story. Setting it in Colorado is a great idea! Maybe she could throw in an case of breast cancer to underscore the tragedy?
"The honesty is important to her story."
I totally agree. And the more honest it seems, the more effective the story will be. Wagglebee made a great suggestion- changing the setting of the story to Colorado rather than the midwest. Do you have any helpful suggestions?
Just telling the truth is the best way to share a personal story, not 'adjusting' for effect, just give the truth. Why would you suggest 'fading' the truth for effect?
I did not "suggest" changing any location, I was saying that abortion was available before Roe. I have known this woman for years, we spoke extensively before she wrote her story. This is what REALLY HAPPENED, it is not a fictional account.
You might want her to get in contact with Silent No More.
Fr. Frank could use her kind of help.
I'm fairly certain you are familiar with this FReeper, you just don't know who she is.
Father Frank Pavone is one of the half-dozen or so most important voices in the pro-life movement, he is amazing in his determination to end this tragedy.
"Why would you suggest 'fading' the truth for effect?"
No one is suggesting fading "the truth" for effect. But in order to change the hearts and minds of people, we have to make sure that our stories are believable. Wagglebee tells a very effective story, but it would be a shame to let inconsistancies eclipse the truth: abortion has two victims, the baby and the mother.
Wagglebee, some of the folks I have spoken to that have had abortions feel the same way. There is forgiveness from God if they ask for it. It is just so hard to forgive oneself for what they have done. According to Silent No More, that is one of the most difficult stuggles of their lives.
Your suggestions smack of deceit ... previously you suggested 'tossing in a case of breast cancer too'. There is no inconsistency with truth, but you appear eager to create some inconsistency notion. You are suggesting deceit for effect. Truth needs no deceit to be effective.
I'm not sure if you saw this thread:
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1769821/posts
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