Posted on 07/31/2006 11:28:23 AM PDT by Muzzle_em
I've always done everything on my own time-table, including waiting until after age 30 to get married. My husband and I remained childless and planned to never be parents, but now in my early 40's I'm feeling differently. I also am blessed in that I would be able to stay at home with the baby.
For every story I've heard about age-related fertility issues, I've also heard of yet another couple who thought they couldn't get pregnant, didn't worry about birth control, and got a nice little surprise.
I would like to hear from Freepers who have become parents either again or for the first time after age 40. Is it easier to parent or more difficult? Are you enjoying it more? Did doctors try to push you into trying IVF?
Just remember - you will be pushing 60 when the the kids are in the teens - Stay in shape!
My son was 18 when his mom announced that he was going to have a baby sister; come November, just about on my daughter's 23rd birthday, she is going to have a baby boy.
I wouldn't trade the experience for anything; not even the life of a rich man or a spoiled brat celebrity.
The biggest difference the second time around is that you've lost your fear; they're not breakable like fine china and they're not disposable like the diapers they come wrapped in -- if you can manage to balance the difference between those two concepts you'll have the time of your life.
The only thing I would say is: if you find you cannot become pregnant and before spending thousands on ivf - please consider adopting - there are so many children who need a loving home and a chance at a good life.
I got pregnant the old fashioned way at 40 and had a healthy baby. I got pregnant the same way at 42, but miscarried. The Doc said 'no more babies for me'. I have four children. Three were born between 35 and 42. Good luck! Also, a girl I work with had a surrogate Mother-very expensive, but she has a beautiful baby. donated eggs and husband's sperm. This girl had a complete hysterectomy in her 30's
That said, I absolutely adore my kids, makes anything I ever did, or ever felt, pale in comparison. And at my age, I'd hope that the greater wisdom I have will help me raise them better than I might have when I was younger (I was a liberal at one time... I shudder at the thought).
When I went to childbirth classes, I met a couple whose children were in college and they were pregnant with an oops child. And they were completely as excited as the rest of us. I wanted a child into my 40's, but hubby wouldn't let me. I'll regret it till the day I die. If you and your husband agree and you get a thorough physical checkup and an ok by your doctor, then go for it if you want. Yes, you'll be older and may feell different around other parents. But more women are doing that, so you won't be the only one. Don't listen to the naysayers if it's what you and your husband want to do.
i was 24, 30 and 36 (ok, not quite 40) when we had our kiddos.
i gained amazing amounts of weight with the first, blew up
like a balloon, and had terrible blood pressure problems. it
was pretty tough delivering that 10 pounder too. the second
squirt (lucky me he was only 6lb 5 oz!) was induced a month
early because of decreasing amniotic fluids. honestly, our
last, at 36!, was by far the easiest of the three.
at 41, if its gods will we have a fourth, we will be thrilled.
hey, might even be easier than the last one was! :D
good luck to you!
Just as a side note, I would love to have about 3 or 4 more, but at 50 it is time to stop me thinks.....
The main reason she worries is that other women who have already had children can't help but offer her advice like "I couldn't imagine having children after 30!". Needless to say, everytime someone offers those sort of opinions it makes my life miserable because it depresses my wife. I'd appreciate any words of wisdom or advice that I could pass on to her when these harpies voice their unsolicited opinions.
You might want to check out the yahoo group GAARP (gracefully aging adoptive refined parents) for discussions of parenting young kids after 40.
And good luck on conceiving, even with IVF (and donor egg at this point). The odds are pretty slim in your 40's without significant intervention or without great blessed good fortune (and maybe good genes from a family of woemn that bore children late in life). In your 40's most doctors will tell you not to wait too long to seek fertility assistance if you are actively trying and not succeeding. One of the great myths of the woman's movement is about being able to have it all when YOU think it's time. Nature often has other plans for our body than what we want
Tell her not to listen to the old biddies.
We married fairly young, but waited five years to be sure we were financially stable.
I started at 27, and just had my fourth and last(?)one at 37.
You will do fine.
I try, but it seems it's almost a weekly thing that someone says things like that to her. We're trying to do the same (getting finacially stable) by getting into a house and are going to try to let her be a stay at home mom. Which is no easy feat, but we're going to make it work.
My grandmother was 18 when she had her first child and 44 when she had her last.
I will not use IVF.
To me, the odds do not justify the cost and aggravation.
We are just thinking of trying the good old fashioned way and leaving it up to God.
"Just remember - you will be pushing 60 when the the kids are in the teens - Stay in shape!"
60's not all that old, really, if you think about it. But you have to think about it. Most people in their 60s are doing just fine.
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